Messages to a Legal Advocate Regarding Acceptable Forms of Evidence in My Molestation Case Against My Father

      I wrote the following messages as e-mails to Evelyn Bello - a legal advocate at the Zacharias Sexual Abuse Center, based in Gurnee, Illinois - on April 14th and 15th, 2021.
     The message concerns what may or may not constitute sufficiently consistent and compelling corroborating evidence in my potential case against my father for molesting me as a child.

First Message, Sent April 14th, 2021

     Hi Evelyn. I spoke with Officer Lisa Malkov at the Lake Bluff Police Station yesterday.

     She informed me that, again, the prosecutors' office looks unlikely to file charges, due to lack of evidence and inconsistencies in my testimony.

 

     I tried to explain to Officer Malkov that those inconsistencies are due to 1) me not fully remembering all of the abuse due to suffocation and trauma; and 2) me including partial memories.

     I regret including partial memories, because prosecutors want me to be sure about whatever charges I'm talking about. But I felt it necessary to mention partial memories of abuse, in the interest of full disclosure.

 

     Also, I tried to explain that I am not currently confused about what happened to me as a child; I only experienced confusion in 2015. The fact that I am still trying to retrieve memories does not mean that I am confused. My mind compartmentalized the traumatic memories, causing me to forget them between 2000 and 2014, before partial memories began to resurface, which I had to piece together slowly.

      My new therapist, Dr. Vernice Wright, may have exaggerated the extent to which I am doubtful about my memories, in her communications to police. She is still getting to know me and my family situation.

 

     None of what I said to Officer Malkov seems likely to affect prosecutors' decision, although in my opinion it should.

     The fact that I have been in therapy, and have recovered new memories since entering therapy, should be considered evidence, because it is new testimony. It is also evidence that my thinking about the abuse has become more clear and detailed, not less. And that is evidence that the therapy is working.

 

     Officer Malkov said there isn't enough evidence to file charges, because nobody else's testimony corroborates what I'm saying. But that's because my father made sure to abuse me when there were no witnesses around.

     I tried to explain to Officer Malkov that the fact that my brother says he sat behind my father's legs, in the same position I was in right before I was molested, shows that my father had ample access to both of us. My father admitted to letting me and my brother sit behind his legs, as recently as yesterday in our last therapy session.

     Officer Malkov did not consider this to be corroborating testimony or worthwhile evidence.

 

     I'm stunned by how high a standard of evidence prosecutors need to go forward with charges. It's almost as if they expect a child to remember which exact calendar days he was molested on, as if the average child would not be so disheveled and jarred and disturbed by molestation that it would distract him from remembering the date.

     It's as if courts expect children to save evidence that they've been molested, at a time when children aren't even old enough to understand what molestation is. I understand the need for there to exist strong evidence, but placing a burden on children to remember dates and collect evidence of their abuse, is not a rational response.

     I mentioned to you that there are five main things I would consider to be potential physical evidence in my case: 1) the gray couch, which was thrown away; 2) my injured left rib; 3) my breathing problems; 4) my small size; and 5) my broken life and past addiction. I also mentioned my hair pulling and nail-biting problems, which are signs of stress attributable to my father's abuse.

     Officer Malkov and I discussed the first three of these during our meeting earlier today. Prosecutors still don't feel that I've produced enough evidence.

     I asked Officer Malkov what might constitute the kind of evidence that prosecutors are looking for, and she said that she didn't know, but that a State's Attorney might know.

     Do you know what kind of evidence could potentially be considered sufficient grounds to file charges? Would it be worthwhile to schedule a full psychological evaluation with a neurologist, and get a CT scan on my left ribcage?

     Thank you.

 

 

 

Second Message, Sent April 15th, 2021

     I do not feel that I have provided insufficient details, to police, regarding the dates on which the most memorable incidents of abuse occurred (i.e., the incidents on the gray couch in the basement, to which I'm now referring as Incidents #2 through #13).
     That's because I wrote the following in my second statement to police:

     "The dates on which the as many as six incidents of abuse could have occurred during the first year wherein I endured abuse on the couch (i.e., 1995), are April 2^nd, 9^th, 16^th, 23^rd, and 30^th; May 7^th, 14^th, 21^st, and 28^th; June 4^th, 11^th, 18^th, and 25^th; July 2^nd, 9^th, 16^th, 23^rd, and 30^th; and August 6^th, 13^th, 20^th, and 27^th.

     The dates on which the as many as six incidents of abuse could have occurred during the second [year] wherein I endured abuse on the couch (i.e., 1996), are April 7^th, 14^th, 21^st, and 28^th; May 5^th, 12^th, 19^th, and 26^th; June 2^nd, 9^th, 16^th, 23^rd, and 30^th; July 7^th, 14^th, 21^st, and 28^th; and August 4^th, 11^th, 18^th, and 25^th."

     I told police that I was molested no less than three or four times, and perhaps as many as twelve times. As I have stated, the variation in the number of times, is attributable to the fact that I was molested in such a similar fashion and pattern, multiple times; meaning that each incident was difficult to distinguish from the others, so it's difficult to guess exactly how many times I was molested on the couch.

     I told police that I was almost always molested on a Sunday late morning or Sunday early afternoon. I have identified the 44 dates above, as the only possible dates on which those incidents of abuse could have occurred.

     I cannot be any more specific without guessing or making things up. I would be willing to swear in open court that this is the best of my recollection as to the dates on which I was abused.

Written on April 14th, 2021

Note at end added on April 15th, 2021

Originally published on April 15th, 2021