My Mother Made-Up "A Dream I Had" in Order to Gaslight Me into Thinking That My Father Hadn't Sexually Abused Me

      Some time in late June or early July of 2023, I recovered memories of my mother telling me (at age seven or eight) that I’d had a dream about getting a bird's egg stuck in my ear. I believe that some or all of what she said about this dream was made-up, in order to cover-up for the abuse I experienced, and in order to distract me from the abuse, and gaslight me into thinking that my father had not abused me.

 

     This memory seems to originate from somewhere around the age of seven (i.e., in 1994) or age eight (1995).

     I say "seems to" because it's difficult to pinpoint when, exactly, this happened. That's because (as I have explained in my previous writing about the abuse and memory loss I suffered) I noticed, around the age of twenty-five, that my memories prior to age ten were incomplete. I didn't suspect that I'd been abused until years after that, though, because my girlfriend at the time told me that it's normal not to remember some of your childhood. I subsequently realized that it is very normal to not remember large blocks of your childhood because you were sexually abused. Adaptive Information Processing (A.I.P.) is the term applied to the process by which we forget or ignore traumatic memories for the sake of improving our chances at survival.

     I have previously stated that the majority of the incidents of abuse occurred in mid-1995, mid-1996, or both summers.

      This leads me to suspect that it’s possible that the abuse began at age seven instead of age eight; I’m not sure. It’s hard to say, due to the memory loss I suffered around that time (caused by the initial sexual abuse, partial suffocation during that abuse, and subsequent gaslighting and brainwashing by my father). Also, I have previously stated that the abuse could have began at age five, when I drew a picture of a hamster covered in holes (referred to as “Incident #1” in my first report to police, and referred to as “Incident #3” in my second report to police, after I recovered additional memories). So it’s entirely possible that I was abused between the ages of five and eight, in addition to the majority of the incidents, which occurred at age eight and nine.

      Regarding the supposed dream itself: I seem to remember myself, sitting at our kitchen table, eating something, most likely cereal. This could only have happened at our house at 524 East Washington Avenue in Lake Bluff, Illinois, because we moved into that house in summer 1992, when I was five years old, and did not move again until 2005 or 2006.

      I remember my mother – sitting across from me, at the other end of the kitchen table – telling me about a dream that I’d had. I remember asking her - maybe that day, or maybe the next day, or a while afterwards – something like, “What else did I dream?”, or possibly, “Did I have a dream last night?”. To repeat: I remember - at some point during the conversation about the dream, or else shortly thereafter – that I was relying on my mother to tell me what happened in my own dream. This should give an indication as to how much I trusted her at the time.

      I have had this memory for a very long time. I probably didn’t think about it – or didn’t think about it often – between the years of 2000 and 2015 (the period of time during which I had no memories of the abuse). But the memory of my mother screaming “It’s in his ear!” has popped-up in my memories, every now and then, for years. I’m not sure when I began remembering this, or whether I ever lost the memory in the first place. All the times that I recalled remembering this possible dream, up to a month ago, all I could remember were those words that my mother screamed, and the notion that I’d supposedly dreamed about a bird egg being stuck in my ear.

      Until a month ago, I have remembered the words “It’s in his ear” as some of the last words uttered in a dream I’d had, about getting a bird’s egg stuck in my ear. The exact words I believe myself to have “heard” in that possible dream, were “It’s in his ear! It’s in his ear! HIS EAR!!!” The last sentence, of those three, seems less likely to have been part of that possible dream, than the first two sentences. Until a month ago, I believed that the first two utterances of “It’s in his ear” were from the dream, and that “his ear” was something that either: 1) I “heard” while waking up from that dream; or else 2) my subconscious mind added to the memories of the dream, while I was awake, some time after the dream occurred.

      To be perfectly clear: I’m not sure whether these memories are due to an actual dream I had, or whether the entire dream was made-up by my mother. It’s possible that I did have a dream, but that my mother either: 1) added details to the dream that weren’t there; or else 2) substituted a dream she made-up, for whatever I was telling her that I’d dreamed about.

      My memories of either the dream - or what my mother told me about the dream - are that I was playing on the edge of our yard, in the dirt, and somehow got a bird’s egg stuck in my ear.

      There is nothing in my medical records about doctors having to remove a bird’s egg from my ear. And I have no concrete memories which would indicate that such a thing ever actually happened.

      This could only mean that either: 1) I dreamed it; or 2) I dreamed something else, and my mother substituted her own narrative for some or all of what I told her I dreamed about.

      Given the incomplete nature of this possible dream, and these memories – and given the memories of molestation and anal rape which have resurfaced in my mind since 2015 – all of this causes me to suspect that at least some these memories may have originated from something that my father did to me.

      To me, the most likely explanation, seems to be that my father may have ejaculated onto my face, and into my ear. If he did, then my mother would have been the only person around who would have had the ability and the incentive to clean me up after the abuse. It’s entirely possible that my father ejaculated into my ear, causing my mother to scream “It’s in his ear” when noticing the semen, and prompting her to clean it out. I suppose it’s possible that my father put something else in my ear, like spit or feces, but that seems unlikely.

      I seem to remember my mother having been very insistent, during that conversation at the kitchen table, that I’d dreamed what I was talking about. Or else she was insistent that her recollection of events was superior to my own. Possibly both.

      I also seem to remember my mother telling me that she knew what I was dreaming about, because she heard me talking in my sleep. I don’t know if that’s true, because I’m not aware of any existing proof that I talked in my sleep as a child. I do know that I occasionally talk in my sleep as an adult, so it’s possible that I did this as a child as well. But even if I was talking in my sleep about a bird egg stuck in my ear, that doesn’t come anywhere close to fully explaining the memories I have. I say that because I have no memories of what I was saying during that supposed dream; I only remember my mother screaming those eight words (or possibly ten words).

      I know that what I have said above, mostly consists of incomplete memories and speculation about said memories, and that this does not constitute direct proof that I was abused, nor proof that my mother made up a dream I had. But the fact that I have so much to say about this possible dream, leads me to conclude that this is something that needs to be talked about, in the context of what I remember related to the abuse.

      I believe that my mother intentionally implanted false memories about dreams that she couldn't possibly know that I was having. Unless, of course, I talked in my sleep. But I repeat: 1) That does not explain all the questions I have relating to the supposed dream; and 2) I have no memory of what I was saying during that dream, only of what my mother was saying. All of the verbal information that I have about that possible dream, comes from my mother, and not from myself. To me, this strongly suggests that my mother made up most of the dream, or perhaps even the entire thing.

 

 

 

 

 

     Another thing I should mention, which seems relevant to bring up here, is the incident which I numbered “Incident #4” in my second report to police. It is relevant to mention here because this incident and the dream about the bird egg both relate to my first experiences with ejaculation.

     That incident was not mentioned in my first report, because I did not then (and still do not) have any concrete memories, attached to that incident, which would suggest that I definitely endured sexual abuse during that incident. But that does not mean that sexual abuse couldn’t have happened during that incident; I do not know because my memories of the incident are incomplete.

      In my second report to police, I stated the following: 

     "#4. There is a 70% chance that the reason why I thought I remembered (at the age of five or six) the character Elmer Fudd performing a sexual act upon the Babs Bunny character from Tiny Toons, is because my father may have done something to me while watching Tiny Toons that exposed me to sex, or at least to what ejaculate (or to what “cum” / “come”) is.

     "I'm pretty confident that I saw Elmer Fudd sticking his shotgun into Babs Bunny's guts, and her screaming, on television. I know that I had sexual thoughts about this afterwards, which involved white cream and Babs Bunny's crotch. But I do not know how I – at the age of five or six – could have known that white cream had anything to do with sex or orgasm, as I did not ejaculate any fluid until I was at least 12 or 13 years old. That is why I suspect that my father may have somehow exposed me to sex - or something related to ejaculation - while I was watching Tiny Toons. This incident occurred at 524 East Washington Avenue.

     "I have remembered this since it happened, but this is the first time I have discussed it in statements to the authorities, because I have only recently begun to suspect that my father, or the possibility of something sexual happening to me, might have had anything to do with why I knew that white cream was the result of sex at just six years old."

      I do not mean to retract, nor revise, anything about the three paragraphs above; I only mean to add details and context to those memories.

      It’s possible that my father either: 1) exposed me to sex while I was watching “Tiny Toons” (the actual name of the show is Tiny Toon Adventures); or else 2) exposed me to sex afterwards, while humiliating me for thinking that Babs Bunny (the cartoon rabbit character, which wore a dress and had big eyes and long eyelashes) was pretty.

     I also remember having Buster Bunny and Babs Bunny stuffed animals some time around that age (five years to eight years old). I suppose it’s possible that I had some sort of sexual attachment to the Babs Bunny doll, although I cannot remember such a thing; but if I did, then it would be totally reasonable for me to suspect that my father subjected me to some form of shame or humiliation over my attraction to the character.

      Original episodes of Tiny Toon Adventures were aired between September 1990 and December 1992, but the show went into "off-network syndication" (i.e., re-runs); first on the Warner Bros. channel, and later on Nickelodeon. Re-runs of the show were viewable for years after that. This means that Tiny Toon Adventures was definitely being aired – and frequently – between 1992 (the earliest that this possibly could have happened) and 1996 (the final year that the successful attempts at molestation and rape took place).

      This is the first time I have mentioned being anally raped by my father, in all of my previous articles about the abuse. I will publish more information about those memories – most of which I recovered between October 2020 and November 2022 – as soon as I am ready to speak confidently about what I can remember. I have declined to talk about it until now, because of the fragmented and complex nature of those memories, and because of the shame involved in admitting that I lost my virginity to my own father.

 

 

 

 

 

Written and Published on July 27^th, 2023.

Edited and Expanded on August 3rd, 2023.

 

Includes three paragraphs from my second report to Lake Bluff Police; which was written between January 9^th and February 3^rd, and between February 27^th and March 3^rd, 2021; and was delivered to Lake Bluff Police the day after completion (i.e., on March 4^th, 2021).

 

That report can be viewed at the following address:

     http://aquarianagrarian.blogspot.com/2021/03/second-statement-to-police-regarding.html

 

Links to All of My Articles and Videos on Policing, Police Killings, Crime, Gun Control, and Mass Shootings

     Please click the following links to view all the videos I've published - and articles I've written (excluding the policing portions of my past congressional platforms) - on topics related to policing.

     These articles and videos focus on the specific topics of gun control, mass shootings, trials of murderers, private prisons, killings and rapes committed by police officers, and protests and riots (especially those which occurred in May 2020).

     I have also included a link, at the bottom, which leads to all of the articles and videos that I have published regarding the case of Jussie Smollett.

1. My July 2011 video “The Colorado Batman Massacre”:
            - http://rumble.com/v20eg41-the-colorado-batman-massacre.html

2. My October 2017 video “On the Las Vegas Shootings and the 2^nd and 9^th Amendments”:
            - http://rumble.com/v214loz-on-the-las-vegas-shooting-and-the-2nd-and-9th-amendments.html

3. My March 2018 video “Gun Control Doesn’t Prevent Mass Shootings, it Causes Them”:
            - http://rumble.com/v216onv-gun-control-doesnt-prevent-mass-shootings-it-causes-them.html

4. My May 2020 video “Woman Talks About Police Militarization, J.F.K., Malcolm X Hours Before Chicago Riot”:
            - http://rumble.com/v21f0i1-woman-talks-about-police-militarization-j.f.k.-malcolm-x-hours-before-chica.html

5. My May 2020 video “Racist Homebum Defends Chicago Cops to B.L.M. Before Explosion Heard”:
            - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHGhAafR9CE


6. My May 2020 video “Amateur Footage Captures Moments After Cop Car Set Ablaze in Chicago”:
            - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8_4W1WtHXA


7. My May 2020 video “Amateur Footage Captures Moment After Sound Cannon Goes Off, Possibly Set by Police”:
            - http://rumble.com/v20eg4l-amateur-footage-captures-moment-after-sound-cannon-goes-off-possibly-set-by.html

8. My May 2020 video “Chicago Police Pepper Spray Mostly Peaceful Protesters Without Warning”:
            - http://rumble.com/v20eg0z-chicago-police-pepper-spray-mostly-peaceful-protesters-without-warning-may-.html

9. My May 2020 video “Cops Kick Protesters Off State & Wacker”:
            - http://rumble.com/v20eg6j-chicago-cops-kick-protesters-off-state-and-wacker-may-30th-2020.html

10. My video, from May or June 2020, titled “Cops Can Legally Kill You and Have No Duty to Protect and Serve”:
            - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3UzmDHOIZc
            - http://rumble.com/v20egt1-cops-can-legally-kill-you-and-have-no-duty-to-protect-and-serve.html


11. My (thus far incomplete) September 2020 article “Ending Involuntary Servitude, Police Brutality, and Cruel and Unusual Punishment”:
            - http://www.aquarianagrarian.blogspot.com/2020/09/ending-involuntary-servitude-police.html

12. My June 2021 video “Why I Think Nikolas Cruz is Schizophrenic and Not Faking It (Part 1: 19 Reasons)”:
            - http://rumble.com/v1mxrgw-why-i-think-nikolas-cruz-is-schizophrenic-and-not-faking-it-part-1-19-reaso.html

13. My June 2021 video “Why I Think Nikolas Cruz is Schizophrenic and Not Faking It (Part 2: 11 More Reasons)”:
            - http://rumble.com/v1mxvyq-why-i-think-nikolas-cruz-is-schizophrenic-and-not-faking-it-pt.-2-11-more-r.html

14. My July 2021 video “Boogaloo Bois Want to PREVENT a Second Civil War, NOT Incite One”:
            - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OlF3-K2lCjc


15. My November 2021 video “Thoughts on the Kyle Rittenhouse Murder Trial”:
            - http://rumble.com/v1mysgq-thoughts-on-the-kyle-rittenhouse-murder-trial.html

16. My May 2022 video “On Right-Wing Hypocrisy and Killer Cops”:
            - http://rumble.com/v21ewud-on-right-wing-hypocrisy-and-killer-cops.html

17. My June 2022 video “On Donald Trump’s Proud Boys Comment”:
            - http://rumble.com/v20ejfr-on-donald-trumps-proud-boys-comment.html

18. My August 2022 video “Notes on the Highland Park Parade Shooting”:
            - http://rumble.com/v1n3aih-notes-on-the-highland-park-parade-shooting.html

19. My September 2022 video “Who Ever Said Private Prisons Have to Be For-Profit?”:
            - http://rumble.com/v1mc8aj-who-ever-said-private-prisons-have-to-be-for-profit.html

20. My October 2022 video “On Prisoner Abuse, Defamation Lawsuits, and Gay Conversion Therapy”:
            - http://rumble.com/v1ouwn2-on-pedo-elites-defamation-lawsuits-and-gay-conversion-therapy.html

21. My October 2022 video “You Can’t Murder People Just Because They’re on Drugs (George Floyd):
            - http://rumble.com/v1ou7ic-you-cant-murder-people-just-because-theyre-on-drugs-george-floyd.html


22. My January 2023 video “Jennifer Pan Tried to Prevent Her Parents’ Murder but Couldn’t Afford It”:
            - http://rumble.com/v27djgp-jennifer-pan-tried-to-prevent-her-parents-murder-but-couldnt-afford-it.html

23. My January 2023 article “Letter to Officer Tatum Regarding the Police Murder of Tyre Nichols”:
            - http://www.aquarianagrarian.blogspot.com/2023/01/letter-to-officer-tatum-regarding.html

See also:
     My February 2020 blog post "Link to All of My Articles, Videos, and Memes About Jussie Smollett":
     - http://www.aquarianagrarian.blogspot.com/2020/02/links-to-all-of-my-videos-and-memes.html
     [Note: The memes are no longer available, and will be made available, through the link provided above, at a later date. Also, the article on Jussie Smollett is incomplete. But there are over six hours of footage, regarding my investigations into the charges and claims against Smollett and the Osundairo brothers, at a link in the post above.]

Compiled and published on July 19th, 2023.

To Be a Survivor of Childhood Sexual Abuse is to Be Subjected to Constant Gaslighting and Distraction

     The conspiracy of silence - regarding child abuse - works around-the-clock to concoct myriad new ailments, each year, in order to distract from children's needs to be kept safe from their abusers.

     Each of these ailments, real or imagined, is used - one after another - to keep victims of abuse "in their place" and silent. This is done by suggesting that all of the abuse survivor's problems are caused either by themselves, or by a single ailment (which is, conveniently, never child abuse).

     Here is a fictional dialogue that I wrote - partially based on real experiences, and partially based on my research into psychiatric methods which arose during the 1980s and 1990s - which should help explain what it is like to have been subjected to sexual abuse as a child, and to not be believed.

     This article explains how my "thinking" I was abused, has caused my family and therapists to suggest that I have ailment after ailment, almost as if they were intentionally trying to distract from the initial underlying trauma.

     [Note: I have not been accused of having Reactive Attachment Disorder or pathological demand avoidance. These were included solely in order to cover the range of ailments to which people's memories of abuse have been falsely attributed (or blamed). My mother and third therapist did suggest that I have a brain tumor.]

     "Why are you hiding in the closet?"

     I'm hiding from my father because he sexually abused me. I don't feel safe coming out. Could we talk about this?

     "Why are you irrationally afraid of your father? You're not forming healthy bonds with your caretakers. I think you have Reactive Attachment Disorder."

     No, I don't. I'm afraid of my father because he sexually abused me. And Reactive Attachment Disorder is a fake disease. The recommended treatment (usually for children previously victimized by their caretakers) was more forcible touching.
     [Note: You can learn more about this by researching Dr. Neil Feinberg; the Attachment Center at Evergreen, Colorado; and the "death" (murder) of Candace Newmaker during "Rebirth Therapy".
     http://www.topic.com/born-again
     http://www.theguardian.com/g2/story/0,,509588,00.html]

     "Are you hiding in the closet because you're gay?"

     I'm not gay. I was forced to have gay sex. There is a difference. You aren't listening to me. Someone hurt me. Will you protect me?

     "Maybe you're transgender. Have you thought about that?"

     Nope, the reason I seem effeminate is because my abuser worked for years to make sure that I was as submissive as possible.

     [Note: The part of the medical establishment which has been overtaken by incorrect gender ideology has been telling autistic teenage girls that they can become men. You can learn more about that by clicking on the following link:
     http://www.msn.com/en-us/health/medical/overlooking-autism-to-convince-girls-they-are-boys/ar-AA1dHREe?ocid=msedgntp&cvid=43ddda03cc75429abcb7cffb72704a11&ei=5]

     "Have you considered that you might be depressed?"

     Have you considered that my depression might be rational, and caused by the abuse that occurred?

     "What if you're mistaken? What if the abuse was an accident?"

     It wasn't. I was sexually abused on purpose. Forcible touching - occurring repeatedly, and for that long a time frame, and with that amount of pressure - could not have been unintentional. I was subjected to a malicious, criminal act, intentionally.

     "That's so vindictive. I think you have a problem forgiving people."

     I think that forgiving abusers too much results in more abuse taking place. Also, there's a rapist on the loose. Could we talk about that for a second?

     "Wow, you just can't let this go. It's like you have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder."

     It's not obsessive to want all rapists to go to jail.

     "You're clearly not recovered from this. Get therapy. You need therapy."

     No, I need my rapist to be imprisoned. And I already went through three therapists. I literally already did what you're asking me to do. The most healing thing that could happen is if my rapist went to prison.

     "You seem dead-set on your alleged abuser going to prison. Would you accept financial compensation, resulting from a settlement in a civil trial?"

     No. I am not a whore who hasn't been paid yet. I am a rape and incest survivor. No amount of money can fix what happened to me. If I seek monetary damages, then I will only be accused of being a greedy, money-hungry liar, who is making false accusations and is only after his abuser's money. Please jail my rapist so he's not out walking the streets, a danger to children; that will help me heal in a way that money simply cannot.

     "If you won't go to therapy, or pursue a monetary settlement - like I advise you to - then you clearly have problems doing what you're told. You might have Oppositional Defiant Disorder."

     Nope, I was sexually abused. And my first therapist told me that I don't have O.D.D.. Also, if I wanted to enslave someone, or kill someone, or corral people onto a train in order to commit genocide, then I would tell people that my victims have Oppositional Defiant Disorder. That would be the easiest way to convince people that the victims' disobedience results from mental deficiencies that can only be dealt with through physical removal from society. The notion that Oppositional Defiant Disorder is a real thing, rests on the false assumption that all resistance, shown by children, is born out of "vindictiveness" and "hostility" that is unfounded and which has no cause. All children suspected of having O.D.D. should be asked if they feel abused or neglected by their parents, and it should be determined whether the alleged abuse or neglect actually took place. If it did, then criminal charges should be filed against the parents. I do not have O.D.D.. Nobody has O.D.D.. Obedience is not, in itself, a virtue; and refusal to obey does not indicate mental illness.

     "You won't do as you're told. Seriously, what if you have pathological demand avoidance?"

     What if I don't like to be told what to do, because consent matters to me a lot, because I was sexually abused? This condition is also known as "pervasive drive for autonomy" and "Rational demand avoidance". Avoiding unreasonable demands - like that I allow my father to abuse me, and continue to control my life decades later - is not pathological; it is rational. Knowing that I'm allowed to say "no" to something - even if it's something that I'm expected to do - makes me feel safe, and tells me that my needs and boundaries are being respected. Saying "no" also helps me buy time before having to make a final decision; time which I use to obtain more information about what I'm being asked to do, so that I can make an educated decision about whether I will be able to do it completely and do it well.

     "Think about it. You avoid demands. You're antisocial. You don't like to be touched... You're probably autistic."

     Nope; I don't like being touched without my permission, because I was sexually abused. Even people who weren't sexually abused, don't like being touched without their permission.

     "You don't want the T.S.A. to touch you, you have a problem with authority..."

     No, I just don't like being touched on the genitals, against my will, by an ugly fat government employee, and I think it's weird that you seem to like it.

     "You might be autistic, too, though. Or you might have Asperger's Syndrome."

     Yeah, well if I do have autism or Asperger's, then all my other problems (including the sexual abuse I suffered) will be blamed on autism. I'd rather focus on putting my rapist in jail, instead of getting distracted by superficial problems which resulted from the initial abuse.

     "Why would I blame all your other problems on autism?"

     For the same reason that you blamed the fact that I believe I was sexually abused (and want to do something about it) on homosexuality, transgenderism, depression, irrational fear, O.D.D., P.D.A., O.C.D., hallucinations, problems with authority, and autism; instead of blaming the person who committed the abusive acts.

     "What if you hallucinated the abuse? What if you need to be put on antipsychotics?"

     What if most antipsychotics are neuro-tranquilizing sedatives, and you're trying to damage my nervous system, in order to make it more difficult for me to remember or talk about the abuse? What if people have suffered loss of ability to speak after using the same kind of atypical antipsychotics that I was prescribed (but refused to take)? You are trying to drug me and sedate me.

     "Seriously, you could have False Memory Syndrome."

     The term False Memory Syndrome was coined by Peter Freyd, in order to damage the credibility of his daughter, who accused him of sexual abuse. The term "false memories" is literally a cover-up for child molestation, which was invented by a child rapist.

     "Everybody knows that your claims are not credible, because you have struggled with mental illness, drug addiction, and homelessness."

     Do sexual abuse victims not struggle with those things? I got addicted to drugs in an attempt to relieve the anxiety that my abuse caused; I know that drug use is a maladaptive coping mechanism and no longer use hard drugs. Mental illness is not proof that I lack credibility; rather, the fact that I experienced mental illness was a direct result of being physically, sexually, and emotionally abused, and then manipulated and gaslighted about that abuse in an attempt to make me forget. Almost everyone who was abused by a parent (and manages to get away) ends up running away from home - or moving far away from where they were born - in an attempt to avoid the abuser.

     [Note: To learn more about the causal link between sexual abuse and psychosis, please read any or all of the following five articles:
     http://www.madinamerica.com/2023/07/study-discovers-gender-specific-links-between-childhood-trauma-and-psychosis/
     http://www.madinamerica.com/2018/11/researchers-suggest-traumatic-experience-may-cause-psychotic-symptoms/
     http://www.madinamerica.com/2018/03/meta-analysis-finds-childhood-trauma-linked-psychosis-symptoms/
     http://www.madinamerica.com/2018/04/study-finds-connection-trauma-psychosis-children/
     http://www.madinamerica.com/2022/03/sexual-assault-age-risk-factor-psychosis/]

     "You're calling yourself a victim. Clearly you have a victim mentality."

     But I am the victim of a crime. I am a victim, for the purposes of my case against my father. Admitting that I was victimized does not mean that I have a victim mindset or mentality. It would be irrational to deny that I am a victim (of my father's crimes). Therapist Teal Swan says, "A person doesn't develop a victim mentality unless they've actually been victimized."

     "You are clearly angry at your father. Why can't you admit that you may have aggravated his actions in your own mind? He was just a very strict father."

     It is perfectly normal and rational to be angry at someone who raped you. Being an extremely strict parent - just like being a very touchy-feely parent - can cover-up for some really sick behaviors. My mind has not exaggerated, nor aggravated, my father's actions; he was 38 and 39 years old when he committed most of his crimes, against myself, at age eight and then nine. The only facts that could be blamed for "distorting" my memory of the events, are the facts that I was much smaller then, and that I am big and strong enough to fend-off similar attacks if they were to happen today.

     "What if you have a brain tumor that is pushing up against part of your brain, making you believe you were abused?"

     ...And you would rather run the risk of exposing me to radiation poisoning, searching for that brain tumor? You intend to give me cancer under the guise of searching for a cancer?



     "But how do you know that what I'm suggesting, isn't what really happened?

     Because you're making these things up off the top of your head. And because, if you thought that one of those things really is what happened, then you'd be focusing on that one thing consistently, instead of pointing to a dozen other excuses and jumping from one bogus theory to the next.

     What are you going to suggest next? That I was abducted by an alien rather than a human being? Are you going to tell me that aliens subjected me to anal probing, and that that's why I "think" I was sexually abused?
     Now... I repeat... There's a child molester on the loose. Can we focus on putting him in prison?

     [Note: You can learn more about my views on the similarities between alien abduction and child abduction, by reading my February 2021 article "Opinion: Israelis Probably Lying About Making Contact with Extra-Terrestrials", available at the link below:

     http://www.aquarianagrarian.blogspot.com/2021/02/opinion-israelis-probably-lying-about.html]

     You can learn more about gaslighting and medical gaslighting by visiting the following link:
     http://me-pedia.org/wiki/Medical_gaslighting#:~:text=Medical%20gaslighting%20is%20when%20doctors,that%20they%20are%20not%20sick.]

     Visit the link below in order to see an Australian political cartoon about misdiagnosis:
     http://www.madinamerica.com/2019/05/young-koala-mental-health-problem/

     

Written and published on June 29th, 2023.
Edited and expanded on June 29th, July 25th, and July 27th, 2023.

Images created in mid-June 2023.

Boycott Pedophile Musicians: Thirty Artists Who Preyed on Children (or Tried to, or Were Accused, etc)

Click, open in new tab and/or new window,

and download, in order to see in full resolution.

Click, open in new tab and/or new window,

and download, in order to see in full resolution.

Compiled in summer and early fall of 2021

Created between mid-September 2021

First published on

September 23rd and 24th, 2021

Edited and Expanded on September 23rd,

24th, and 26th, and October 6th, 2021

Individual images added on October 6th, 2021

Michael Jackson Was Accused of Molestation by Thirteen Children, Not Just One or Two (An Infographic)

 

Click, open in new tab or window, and/or download

in order to see in full resolution

Created and published on July 22nd, 2021

Edited on August 3rd, 2021

Why Are So Many of Miley Cyrus's Musical and Artistic Influences Pedophiles and Sexual Predators?

Click, open in new tab and/or window,

and/or download, to see in full resolution

Created and published on July 19th, 2021
Edited and Expanded on July 21st, 2021

Don't Make Assumptions About What True Sexual Abuse Claims Should Sound Like

     The fact that a sexual abuse accuser did not come forward about sexual abuse earlier, is not proof that the abuse didn’t happen. They may have waited, due to confusion about what happened, or due to a feeling of duty to protect the person from consequences, and/or fear of outing the person for the sake of the accuser's own safety.

     The fact that an accuser seems inconsistent about their claims, is not proof that they are inconsistent. Don’t make assumptions about what true claims of sexual abuse or rape "should" sound like or look like; instead, ask the accuser clarifying questions.

     The fact that an accuser is not always around the accused person, is not proof that the abuse couldn’t have happened because the accuser was never around the accused person. That’s not the same thing.

     The fact that an accuser continues to associate with their abuser, is not proof that the accuser isn’t afraid of that person. They may be associating with the abuser out of feelings of duty, guilt, shame, bribery, manipulation, or brainwashing, or all of the above.

     The fact that an accuser can’t remember all the details of the abuse, is not proof that it didn’t happen. Traumatic incidents - especially those that happen very quickly - are easy to partially (or completely) forget.

     But at the same time, the fact that an accuser can remember all the details of the abuse, is also not necessarily proof that they’re making it up. The fact that many victims don’t fully remember the abuse, does not mean that no accusers will have full memories of what happened to them. That's not the same thing.

     Not everything is the way it seems, the instant that we look at it. The difference between "never" and "rarely" - and the difference between "doesn't" and "doesn't necessarily" - should not be underestimated.
     Please keep these facts in mind when evaluating the veracity of claims that sexual molestation and rape have occurred.

Written on June 18th, 2021

after studying the claims against Michael Jackson

Published on June 18th, 2021

Establishing a Typology of Potential Child Sexual Predators Based on Whether and Why They Offend

Introduction

           I have written this article, and created the infographics below, in continuation of the research I published in my May 2021 article "Dismantling Five Myths About Child Molesters That Are Helping Them Evade Notice, Capture, and Judgment".

     That article can be read at the following link:

     http://aquarianagrarian.blogspot.com/2021/05/not-all-child-molesters-are-exclusively.html

     The first infographic can be found in the original article, linked above.

     The second infographic is new.

     I have created this typology - consisting of eight categories of people, six of which are pedophiles and/or child molesters - for several reasons.

     The primary reason is to clarify the distinctions between child molesters and pedophiles, and people who fit into both categories, and people who fit into neither. Another reason is to highlight the distinction between pedophiles who love children in one or more ways, versus predators who target children mostly out of feelings of hatred.
     I believe that this is necessary, to establish an accurate nomenclature to describe predators who harm children sexually, but do not have either romantic feelings, nor feelings of sexual attraction, towards the children they victimize. The idea of calling such people "pedophiles" (which literally means "child lover") does not adequately describe them. [I have classified these people as Type 6; what I call the "Sadistic Abuser".]

     Of course, none of this is to imply, of course, that a person who molests a child because they love them, is necessarily any less dangerous than a person who molests a child because they hate them.
     The purpose of this article is to caution parents that some people might pretend to love their kids in order to get close to them and harm them sexually, while while other people might pretend to hate their kids in order to get close to them and harm them sexually.

     Love of children or hatred of children may be used, as someone's cover, for molesting children.

     I believe that it will also be helpful - to police, criminal psychologists, and psychiatrists - to have a typology of potential child sex criminals, because these professions, and parents, should should be familiar with several paradoxes related to child molesters.

     The first is that - as I explained in "Dismantling Five Myths About Child Molesters That Are Helping Them Evade Notice, Capture, and Judgment" - not all child molesters are pedophiles, and not all child molesters are pedophiles.

     The second is that some people love children so much - including inappropriately - that they cannot bring themselves to molest a child; while other people hate children, and cannot bring themselves to molest a child due to that hatred, despite having a sexual attraction to children.
     The former class of people is called "Righteous pedophiles" or non-offending pedophiles; which I have labeled as Type 1. The latter class of people may be rare, and may even not exist. But still, it's logically possible that there are child-attracted child-hating non-offenders. I have labeled that class as Type 2 (the "hateful pervert" or "repulsed non-offender").

     Another important paradox to keep in mind - which is a major reason why I developed this typology - is that some child molesters feel romantic feelings, or even (what they would describe as) feelings of love, towards their victims and potential victims.
     [Note: In the typology, I have grouped people with healthy affection towards children, together with people who develop romantic feelings towards children. I have only done this in order to distinguish those who have mostly hatred towards children, from those who have mostly love towards children. I do not mean to imply that romantic feelings towards children, and affection, are the same thing; I have only done this for the sake of simplicity. I welcome my readers' attempts to refine this typology and make it more precise.]
     Some abusers even shower their victims with gifts, to manipulate them and stop them from coming forward about the abuse. This is particularly common in familial relationships which involve C.S.A. (child sexual abuse and/or assault). To cite a real-life example, Jeffrey Epstein paid for some of his victims to have housing and to get through college. Abusers like this use the fact that they have helped their victim, to get the victim to put up with more abuse.
     It is important to remember that some offenders fall in love with their minor and child victims, because it helps us remember that someone who is especially affectionate towards children, could just as easily be a pedophile, as they could be a normal person.
     Abuse does not always look like abuse. Sometimes it looks like a loving relationship. It's important to know the warning signs of abuse, to watch for them, and to think about what you have seen.

     

One way of visualizing the information

Click, and open in new tab or window, and download,

to see in full resolution.

Two Types of People Who Don't Harm Children Sexually and Don't Want To

1. Normal person with a healthy love for children
     (shown in light green;
          loves children emotionally but not romantically, not attracted to children sexually, does not offend)

2. Non-child-attracted non-pedophile child-hater, a/k/a "normal person" who hates children but doesn't sexually harm them
     (shown in medium green;
          does not love children emotionally nor romantically, not attracted to children sexually, does not offend)

Six Types of People Who Harm Children Sexually and/or May Want To



Type 1: "NON-OFFENDING PEDOPHILE" / "'RIGHTEOUS' PEDOPHILE"
          (i.e., a non-offending child-attracted pedophile)
     [shown in orange;
          loves children emotionally and romantically. attracted to children sexually, does not offend]

     This type of person is a pedophile, but not a child molester. This is sometimes called a "Righteous pedophile" (meaning a person who is sexually attracted to children but does not offend), or a non-offending pedophile. This type of person has inappropriate sexual feelings towards children, and also has romantic feelings and emotional attachments to children.

     This type of pedophile loves children so much that it is inappropriate and sexual, but the intense emotional love of children also prevents the pedophile from offending against children in his or her lifetime. This type of pedophile often wishes that they weren't a pedophile, due to the conflicting feelings they have, being sexually attracted to children while also feeling love and compassion for them.

     To clarify: The fact that someone qualifies as a "righteous pedophile" or "non-offending pedophile", or has been identified as such, does not necessarily mean that they will never offend. Some pedophiles will try to be "righteous pedophiles" who refrain from offending, but will fail. Those Type 1 Righteous Pedophiles who give into the temptation to offend, and hurt a child, will fall into the Type 3 category, the child-molesting child-attracted pedophile.

Type 2: "HATEFUL PERVERT" or "REPULSED NON-OFFENDER"
          (i.e., a non-offending child-attracted child-hater)
     [shown in brown;
          does not love children emotionally nor romantically, attracted to children sexually, does not offend]

     This type of person hates children and feels no emotional attachment to them, and is attracted to children sexually, but does not end up offending in their lifetime. Type 2 individuals are attracted to children sexually, but not emotionally, nor do they develop romantic feelings for children. It's possible that people in this category are too repulsed by their emotional hatred of children, to harm them in a sexual way.

     This is not to say, however, that a Type 2 individual could never molest a child; Type 2 is just the class one falls under if one does not offend during one's lifetime, and is also sexually attracted to children, but not emotionally compassionate towards them. If a Type 2 "Hateful Pervert" or "Repulsed Non-Offender" commits a sex crime against a child, then that person becomes a Type 5 "Hateful Child Molester" or "Perverted Hateful Abuser".

Type 3: "CHILD-MOLESTING PEDOPHILE" / "CLASSIC PEDOPHILE" / "CHILD-LOVING ABUSER" / "CHILD-WOOING ABUSER"
          (i.e., a child-molesting child-attracted pedophile)
     [shown in light blue;
          loves children emotionally and romantically, attracted to children sexually, does offend]

     A Type 3 individual is both sexually attracted to children, and emotionally and/or romantically in love with one or more children. This type of person acts on their sexual and romantic feelings, and will often use those romantic feelings to justify the sexual urges they are feeling (i.e., romanticizing their feelings), and act on those feelings.

     This type is probably more likely than the other types to be mentally ill or retarded, especially emotionally immature, and/or sexually immature in some way, which makes it difficult for them to relate to adults socially and sexually at the level at which one would expect a fully developed adult to interact.

     A "Righteous Pedophile" or non-offending pedophile (Type 1) will become a Type 3, if that individual fails to refrain from harming a child sexually.

Type 4: "REPRESSED CHILD MOLESTER" / "TICKING TIME-BOMB ABUSER" / "UNWITTING ABUSER"
          (i.e., a non-child-attracted child-molesting pedophile)
     [shown in pink;
          loves children emotionally, not consciously attracted to children sexually, does offend]

     A Type 4 individual is not consciously attracted to children, and believes themselves to love children in a healthy way. But a Type 4 person is also an offending pedophile. A person who is abused as a child, and then forgets that abuse, and then finds oneself suddenly accused of molesting a child - and they have no idea why they did it, but are beginning to recover their own childhood memories of abuse - likely falls into the category of Type 4.
     Such a person may be said to be subconsciously sexually attracted to children, due to their prior abuse. Due to their prior abuse, they may also have subconscious resentment, and/or survivor guilt, regarding children who have not suffered any sexual abuse. This may motivate them to find a victim, as a way to transfer the trauma they suffered.

Type 5: "HATEFUL CHILD MOLESTER" / "PERVERTED HATEFUL ABUSER"
          (i.e., a child-molesting, child-attracted non-pedophile)
     [shown in medium blue;
          does not love children emotionally nor romantically, attracted to children sexually, does offend]

     This type of person hates children, and wants to harm them - sexually, and possibly also physically, and maybe other ways as well - due to that hate. Type 5 individuals do offend in their lifetimes, and violate children sexually due to both hatred and sexual attraction. Type 5 individuals do not feel any emotional attachment, nor romantic love, for children.

     If a Type 2 "Hateful Pervert" or "Repulsed Non-Offender" commits a sex crime against a child, then that person becomes a Type 5 "Hateful Child Molester" or "Perverted Hateful Abuser".

Type 6: "SADISTIC CHILD MOLESTER" / "UNATTRACTED SADISTIC ABUSER"
          (i.e., a non-child attracted child-hating child molester)
     [shown in medium red;
          does not love children emotionally nor romantically, not attracted to children sexually, does offend]

     This type of person hates children, and wants to harm them due to that hate. Type 6 individuals do not feel any emotional attachment, nor romantic love, for children. Although Type 6 individuals are not sexually attracted to children, they commit sex crimes against children for reasons of power and control - and in order to take advantage of children's vulnerability - rather than due to sexual attraction or romantic or emotional interest.
     If a person who hated children were on the track to becoming a Type 6 "Sadistic Abuser" - but somehow managed to avoid offending against any children during their lifetime - then that person would belong to the non-pedophilic type which I have shown in medium green in the infographics; that is, a so-called "normal" person who hates children (and is not sexually attracted to them).

Conclusion

     I hope that a deeper and more detailed understanding about the various and overlapping causes of pedophilic attraction, will lead to proper diagnoses regarding typology of potential child sexual predators.

     I also hope that this typology will be helpful in designing psychiatric treatment specialized towards each particular type of pedophile and potential offender. The wrong diagnosis, or the wrong cure, could make the problem worse.

     As I have explained, for some people, hating children keeps them from offending, while for others, loving children keeps them from offending. Therapies for each given condition, should reflect an awareness of these facts.

[Note:

     It may also be useful to establish a typology of potential child sexual predators, based on whether they are: 1) attracted to men, women, or both; and 2) whether they are exclusively attracted to minors, or are attracted to both minors and adults.]

Images created, article written, and blog entry published

on May 17th, 2021

Edited and Expanded on May 24th, 2021