Coping with a Faith-Based Currency: A Guide for the Uninitiated

     In February 2018, The Zambian Observer published an article entitled “Witches and Wizards Are Very Important to the Development of Our Economy – Prof[essor] Luo”. According to the article, Nkandu Luo, a professor and Higher Education Minister in Zambia, said that her country ought to utilize “witchcraft technology” to aid the development of the nation.

     Luo has suggested that witchcraft technology could be used to help Zambians become capable of “travelling long distances within seconds”. She has reportedly called on scientists to “consider conducting research and the study of witchcraft as a science that can be used productively for the benefit of the country”, commenting “I could not help but think of witchcraft when I saw a mobile phone put into a box and it turned into a lady's pant!”

     Fortunately for us in the Western world, we have our own “witchcraft technology” that allows us to travel long distances within seconds, and helps us turn a cell phone into a lady's pant... it's called a cell phone!

     Nevertheless, Professor Luo is to be commended for her attention to the need to increase research on witchcraft as a science. Of course, witchcraft needs to be explored not only as a physical science, but also as an economic science. That's because, as an innately spiritual science, witchcraft studies have applications and ramifications which lie far outside the realm of the mere mortal, material, and infrastructural.

     Simply put, a voodoo economics must necessarily have a proper voodoo microeconomics and a voodoo macroeconomics to go with it. … The new ritual is gonna help with the corn.

     And that is the purpose of this article; to help explain to you – the muggle – how to budget your moon-perusal-time-labor-mountain-hour-value responsibly, so that you can avoid putting too much of your retirement funds on over-comprehensively packaged Petrodollar-Weapondollar-Coalition-backed blood-sweat-tears dollars derivatives (PWC-USD-BST), and start putting too much of your retirement savings into living forever!

     It's fine to think of your retirement as a basket full of “nest eggs”, but it's better to think of it as a vampire's bed. It's a casket, not a basket!^TM Planning to retire is planning to fail. Hey, maybe we would live a little longer if the money that pays for our medical needs weren't covered in toxic chemicals!

     Once you've finished summoning the dæmon or angel of your choice- oops! Did I forget to mention that that's what you were supposed to be doing while reading the previous article? Oh well. That's just how chaos magick goes sometimes; you don't know what you've summoned until the angel is standing over your left shoulder reading this... Oh hey, how's it goin'!?... Look what you made me do!

     Anyway, one moment you're fastening a candelabra onto your wall, the next thing you know, you're reading upside-down and summoning the ghost of Aaron Spelling so you can spell the word you're spelling correctly while you cast a spell with the word that you're spelling. It happened to Xzibit, it can happen to any one of us. Let your freak Frigg fly.

     As soon as you let the angel (a category which technically encompasses all dæmons, in addition to cherubim and other choirs) help you finish your interior decorating scheme, you are ready to take the steps necessary to start using the fad currency of this month, which I have decided is a tiny clone of Jesus Christ that fits in your pocket, and writes down all the transactions that you complete using Him into the Book of Life forever and ever, Amen.

     And this clone of Jesus, His Name shall be called The Bread of Life^TM. You know that 150-year-old sourdough bread in San Francisco that keeps expanding, and they keep cutting little hunks of sourdough bread off of it, and then bake it so they can sell it to people? That is what the Kingdom of Heaven is like. The life in your loaf is not diminished by the Wheat in your Feet.

Although I have explained at great length in the previous articles why Jesus Christ makes a nearly perfect currency, to paraphrase John: “there are also many other things which Jesus did, the which, if they should be written every one, I suppose that even the world itself could not contain the economics books that should be written.”

     For Jesus hath paid all our taxes, the rent, and even picked up the check at the Last Supper, by paying His life, otherwise valued at but thirty pieces of silver. This is why self-sacrifice is the basis of prudent investment. This is, truly, the Greatest Story Ever Sold! It's called the “Bible”, it tells you what to buy right in the name! For God's omnipotence is so great that it defies all logic; He is so all-powerful that even He could never make a dinner check so big that He himself could not pick it up.

     Only a mortal asshole like one of us could fuck up so bad that it throws a god off the course of His day. God's fuckups cost us money, but our fuckups cost God money (Isaiah 53:5). So if you don't use a currency that keeps current with what God wants, then you're not going to be able to pay God the specific type of money he said to leave in the knotted Tree of Life in the park at midnight if you ever want to see His Sun again.

     That is why I'd like to share with you the Gospel of Christ Socialist, and accept Jesus Christ as your Lord, Savior, and currency. I mean, if Jesus Christ is not a major credit card, then why is He accepted everywhere? This is the illusory nature of God.

     The wages of sin is death. Christ died, you save! Christ's savings get “passed on” (no pun intended) to you.

     A debt that is forgiven, is considered paid. Through Christ, all is forgiven; the rent, what you owe for your food, your taxes, all of it. That means all is paid; you don't even owe anyone your blood. Any blood you give will be of your own volition. Send your blood now to Commodity Fetish Records, and receive a free permit to commit the sin of your choice! Think of it as a self-Indulgence, a Get-Out-of-Inquisition-Free Card.

     You can't be saved without God's blood, and you can't be fiscally responsible unless you take matters into your own Hands, so if God won't allow His blood to be shed, then you've got to take that blood, and get your money back! Do you have any idea how valuable the blood of Christ (also known as Divine Wine) is? Why, you could clone one of those little blood-cell donuts and make yourself a Jesus-clone with a donut-hole hand-piercing to sit in your pocket and keep your books all cosmic Day (1,000 Earth years) long!

     Even mortal blood makes an excellent currency, as I have explained. It's made of living tissue, so it's basically alive, and that means it's mobile and easily transportable. Much like Christ, blood and bloodshed are accepted everywhere (or, at least, everywhere that Christ is accepted). You can't have a currency unless it's covered in blood, and what's more covered in blood than blood itself?

     The answer is, of course, U.S. Dollars. But we must not crucify mankind on a cross of gold, nor a cross of paper. If we cannot use Go(l)d as our money, then the Word must suffice. For at least the Word is written on paper. But if our money is drenched with the Blood of Christ, then why should it be made of paper and cotton, when it could be made of paper and wool? Follow the Lamb.

     If we keep the Bible in our chest pockets, then we can keep God close to our hearts. But if we keep Jesus clones in our pants pockets, we can keep God close to our farts. For Jesus-clones, like Peter at the Gates of Dawn Heaven, are not just Living Blockchains, but Blockchains Who Never Died. Only Jesus and St. Peter know, with their Book of Life, who hath smelt it and who hath dealt it; who's been naughty and who's been nice. They are the Bookkeepers of Life, who taketh all bets.

     Yea, though God the Father be the only one who knoweth when to hold 'em and knoweth when to fold 'em, mortals may place any bet they please on when Olam Ha-Ba (the World to Come) will be nigh. All opposed, say “nigh”. The debts of the unrepentant sinners are the only debts left to be paid, and they must be paid in a Bill, so sayeth Bill Nigh the Christian Science Guy. But Benedictine Order now, and you can pipe-organ-ize your pockets with this limited-edition vest-pocket savior! Save your money, savior soul!

     Is your landlord harassing you for the rent? Well, unless Jesus is your landlord, just tell them that your rent has already been paid, because Jesus is your real landlord, and He has your rent covered... covered in blood, no less! That's the kind of true coverage that only a major credit card could offer. That's why the Body of Christ has been traded - from hand to hand, from prison to prison - for the last two-thousand-some-odd years. He never died; He went to Rome, to be crucified again! It's like the B-52s said: “Rome if you want to, Rome around the world.”

     But Jesus is stuck down in the Vatican vaults somewhere, chained up next to all the other Human Books, waiting for someone to look Him up in the RoloCodex. Yea, the Son of God is like a turtle or a hermit crab, carrying His Cross around – from life to life – as His only permanent home. This is God's mortgage to bear, literally meaning “death agreement”.

     A cross, by the way, makes an excellent long-term investment, because it serves as a mobile home; you can lay down on it even when you have nowhere to lay Your head.

     Don't get me wrong; we all want to “make money”. But remember that gun control slogan “Guns don't kill people, people kill people”? You don't “make money”; the Department of the Treasury does! “How can we make money?” Only with the blood of Jesus. Or with a communion wafer printing press.

     It is profoundly irrational, absurd, and naïve to think that you could “make” money that most other people would be willing to use. Just as it is absurd to imagine that you can truly earn or own a currency which is made by somebody else, has the name of a private company on it, and is covered with the faces of dead people. Shouldn't it be covered with your face? Or maybe, like... the blood of Jesus Christ (like, instead of the blood, sweat, and tears of the working taxpayer)? But hey, you can't make a currency omelet without breaking a couple of legs. A currency amulet, however, is a different story.

     The hole in our currency is like the holes in our souls. A currency with a hole in it, is one that can be chained up, and a currency that can be chained up can also be chained down. But on the other Hand^TM, a currency that can be chained up can also be easily transported. Of course, you can't make a necklace without something pierced to thread it through, and an angel that is not held in chains is free to disobey God.

     Being in chains may bring you sorrow, but if you've ever worked in meat processing, you know that some tasks require the worker's hands to be chained in order to prevent them from being accidentally cut off by giant slicing equipment. And who knows better about how to process and present an old chunk of flesh, and then act like they didn't play any role in butchering it, than the Catholic Church? Pews and graves have got to be filled.

     We must render unto Caesar's that which is Caesar's, and render unto God that which is God's. In Matthew and Mark, Jesus instructs his followers to examine whose face is on the coins they're using; it's the face of Tiberius Caesar.

     Is George Washington on your money? Send it back to George Washington. Is he dead? Drop it on his grave and make it rain! Is “Federal Reserve” on your money? Send it back to the Federal Reserve! They're the only ones who believe it has any value anyway. Jesus, though, couldn't come right out and say that, because no matter what He said on the topic, it would have been misinterpreted.

     See, it's not often explained that Jesus had a speech impediment, resulting from His snake-like triple-forked tongue. It was a mutation which rendered Him (what, in those days, was considered) a “cripple”. But just like Rudolph's red nose, this hideous deformity served a useful purpose to his peers: speaking three languages at once. The laughing and calling him names came later.

     Jesus' trilingualism - “a state of having three tongues” in denotation, but “a state of using three languages” in connotation - allowed Him to transmit three messages at once, to three different audiences (just like Hillary Clinton!). It's confusing to the novice believer, but if you can read between the two outermost of Jesus's three tongues, then when you read the Bible, you can read between the lines.

     Don't believe for a second that you can own a currency that lacks an image of your own face. As Man is made in the image of God, an image of the human face is an image – a representation - of the visage of God. And that is the true Mark of Value.

     Time-Money-Moon-Value.

     In Emperor we trust.

Written on March 15th, 2018

Crafting and Charging Your Sigil-Currency: How to Put Your Money to Work for You

     As Eisenhower chided (chode?), “The world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children.” General Patton, too, remarked that “A pint of sweat will save a gallon of blood.” In Biblical times, a talent (or kikkār) was a measurement of a particularly-sized disk-shaped loaf, made of gold or silver; the monetary equivalent of twenty years' wages.

     These facts ought to show that the use of talent, genius, hopes, and dreams as a way of backing currency, are already widely accepted. This, and the existence of an e-currency called SweatCoin, ought to show that sweat is accepted just as widely, if not more. Additionally, the U.S. Federal Reserve has set the standard; a currency with no human fluids on it will not survive in today's fast-paced currency seller's market. That is why we must forge a currency of sweat.

     However, a document covered in sweat can serve as a fine substitute. There's no way to perfectly imitate that head-swelling, confidence-instilling feeling - like the feeling of some cleansing flu coming on - of that most coveted and elusive of currencies; Man. But what better way to counterfeit the witchy of the itchy and the sticky of the icky of the way humons feel, than by smearing your moneys with human transmission fluid?

     Get high off of your money. If you can't get V.D. from your money, then You're Not Doing It Right^TM. If you've no blood nor sweat to spare, then as the saying goes: You'd better get busy crying, or get busy scrying.

     If the value of a money comes from its shine, then where doth its value lay? Hark!, where, when the paternal, miserly Sun hides from mere mortals for fear of his mistress Luna, as if She were some attention-starved solar-powered vehicle (just as fair Gaia)? We may only know by using the very Sun as our astrolabe – and probably as our ass too, if you ask Georges Bataille – that is, by using the Sun itself as our sundial and timepiece.

     Would that I could but snatch the Sun and Moon out the very Heavens for thee, and gift them to you as currencies, untaxable by the gods. But the best I can do is write these Letters. For the Sun and Moon are round yet flat; just like the Earth, coins, and our callous hearts. Amun RaShi'Amun Rocks.

     Through replacing the money in our pockets with miniature sundials, our currency will stay current, and we will be all paid-up on our phone bill to G-d. We can even dial-up the Messiah, to hear The Message, and the ephemeral Operator will inform us of the True Cosmic Time. Then we can finally find out whether Jesus was trying to tell us it was 2:45, 3:45, 8:15, or 9:15. I mean, Christ on a clock!

     Yea, for a Solstice has come to pass! To watch the seasons, and Sun and Moon, is to gently rock the cradle of civilization, to push the perambulator of progress, to tend the Garden of the stationary Church-house-wife. It is the cosanguine Nile of the suburbs. That is why we may no Know-Religion until we know No-Religion. And only through the No-Religion may we practice the All-Religion, the Night-Religion, and the Day-Religion of Duty, and deliver our End of the Covenant.

     So it was that those who had come to bask in the warmth of the Son had also come to call it their god, and rely on it. Just as it was hours later, when their god deserted them; mocking them, laying them bare, cool and dry, vulnerable to the stare of the (K)night-King.

     But Lo!, for a second light – a lesser Light - did govern the Sky, during fearsome Night! The people rejoiced, gave thanks for this grace, and took heart. They trusted their Moon-Goddess; she governed the Heavens so as to make the very trains run on time! Truly She were a goddess to whom mortals could set their watches, and even their calendars!

     But this mild, innocuous Lunacy grew feverish, bringing Discord. And what Luna see, Luna do. They feared the Son would never return. Some began to believe they didn't need Him. Moon-tanning boomed as an industry. The vampires' unions went too far and then got complacent. Bad times were had by all.

     But the Morn broke nevertheless, and the Lord of Light scalded dry the winter-parched faces of the Draculistic Moonites with the sight of the unforgiving day. This was the same chasmed flesh which had once worn dry as caked desert mud from haloed Luna-C's glowering glow; halo-lujah.

     Fuckin' way she goes; same shit, different millennium. For to God, every day is like a thousand fears. ...Here's to another 365 of those shits.

     But after but after but; this is the nature of the koan. Forsooth, I like big buts, and I cannot lie; to lie is to call the Eternal But anything but samsara. It is to make it the but of the joke. For Our Lord Kurt Cobain, of the Holy Trinity of Nirvana, freed us from the cycle of what the Buddha termed the Cycle of Buts. This is what is truly meant by “Get thee behind me, Satan!”. No amount of Time, nor The Waiting, can free us from the Eternal But. If it can, then it is not the Eternal But.

     But that is the Nature of Time; we don't have Time to talk about Time. Time may be money, but as Tha Boi warned us, “Time won't give me time, and time makes lovers feel like they've got something real”. And if time won't give you time, then it's no better than a money that doesn't make you more money while you're sleeping.

     The Black Hole Son can only redeem us (for value) insofar as He can symbolically store our value. If Time is at all fleeting - and it is - then time and permanence cannot be rightfully described as countrymen, thus serving as a store of value in any real sense proves difficult. But through conquering the Word - and defeating the demonic, time-stealing scoundrel Hypnos - this dissonant disconnect between Time and Value can be bridged, transcended, and overcome.

     This Letter is about making a sigil. A sigil for your vigil.

     That I may lead you, the reading novice magick practitioner, out of the sweat-shop and into the Light, so that you may pick the Golden Rays from the very Air.

     This is about how to create your sigil, and how to craft it into a sigil-based currency. Moreover, how to charge it; the same way you charge a credit card, or charge an innocent god with a crime He didn't commit. Only then may we conduct this Alchymical Wedding between Spirit and Flesh (the same way you would conduct lightning to yourself, or an orchestra. Or conduct an orchestra).

     The task before us is to transmute mercury into gold; to get blood from stone. And remember, blood is mostly water, so if Moses got water from a stone, then blood isn't a far Leap away. If Moe can do it, yo can do it. It's right there in his name: “Moe's us!”

     That's right, all your months of hard work are about to pay off! Collecting these instructions, ritualistically inducing trance states so as to emit ecstatic glossolalia, generating letter after word after symbol after emoji after cryptogram after codex after sigil after seal after amulet after talisman after primordial language after ancient number that nobody's ever heard of, while a bunch of clothespins hang off of your dangly bits.

     Did you forget to do that? Oh. Well, I did mention to get a job as part of all this? No? ...Actually, that's perfect, you have nothing to work with. Just as Socrates was a genius because he admitted he knew nothing, so too must the fabrication of a Faberge egg begin with its negation; through piercing. This ain't the Seven Dolours of Mary here, it's just like getting your hand pierced. And as it may as well have said in 1 Timothy 2:9: “You can't be beautiful until somebody pokes a hole in you.”

     Look away, and think on this: Piercing the one creates a zero within it. How many zeroes? One. As zero is defined self-antithetically as the absence of value or number, it is both a number and not a number. How many numbers is it? One. But how many numbers isn't it? All of them. This is the nature of non-Euclidean hyper-numeric out-forming.

     This principle is best symbolized by Sisyphus (1) pushing Ouroboros (0) up a hill. The self-completion of Nothingness gives rise to the One, to raise it. All positive and negative value comes from within or without the 0. This is what the Kingdom of God is like.

     Yes, that's right; act now, for the Black Hole Son is the demiurgic furnace of Creation; that supercollider of supercolliders, the Lord's personal microwave, from which the All-Yet-What-It-Is-Ness and the Not-But-What-It-Do-Ness spewluminate and spewmerge from the Hotness of the Notness. This is why the knowledge that A does not equal A, is the fountain pen of all Objective^TM Human No-Ledge. For there is (k)No(w)Ledge Beyond the Edge.

     That's why lack of a ledge to stand on is a desirable quality to possess. For even if the sigils you manifested were too hardcore to translate into English – much less millions in domain names profits – then the only real portfolio you need is within your own mind; it is your Memories. While the First Rule of Sigil Money is that You've^TM Got^TM a^TM Portfolio^TM to^TM Maintain^TM, there is dispute over whether “There is No Second Rule of Sigil Money” in fact constitutes a second rule. But this should not come as unexpected, for in the very same way that 2 emerges from 1, so does 1 emerge from 0, and vice-versa. It's kind of like removing a square peg from a round slot.

     This is to say that you can't get into Heaven unless you can fit through Jesus's ribcage wound to get inside of it. And that hole wouldn't be whole if some asshole centurion hadn't gone and done a damn thing, and Doubting Thomas hadn't stopped by to open-up old zounds. Above all, it's harder to thread the Hole to Heaven if you have a plank in your own eye that prevents you from pointing our the camel in the eye of the needle. Basically, the more valuable and precious the memories you've stored in your mind, the more Value® you can sneak into Heaven.

     Though ye may lack possessions, ye still have some number of sword and cup. I mean, whether getting rid of all your possessions will get you into Heaven or not, then if you are getting in, then whatever is inside you is also getting in. Eh? Eh? So why not swallow a couple'a cigarette packs? Where there's clouds, there's cigarettes. Why not turn yourself into a drug mule while you're at it? What, do you think there's nobody in Heaven who likes drugs!? This is how you can raise your Value® without weighing yourself down spiritually. Make yourself use-full!

     As you'll recall from earlier, the hole in the donut signifies the debt which is built into the dollar. Money is weighted with debt - so as to anchor it to Gaia, lest it dash adventurously off to reach the lofty Spheres – and in order to inculcate into the bill an imperative to spend. In this manner shall we rein spending Power into our own sigils, like St. Nicholas herding reindeer with his Lightning Command of the Word. As money now commands us to spend it, so shall we soon command it to spend itself; through seduction.

      The value of Money (that is, money as we know it) cannot be acquired without spending; this discharges the debt, allowing the spender to redeem the interest (that is, the cost of using money which he incurred in choosing that currency in particular). Basically, money is only useful once you Get Rid of It^TM. Just like a god.

     Also, conveniently, just like a sigil. If you want to truly keep something, then you must spiritually possess it, by preparing to let it go. If it comes back to you, then it was meant to be. Only then may you buy your future back through the flames. As has been said, “You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone”; just like the manna in which golf is scored, the value of possessing a sigil-currency lies in its non-possession. One year you won't want to be caught without money, the next you won't want to be caught with it. You won't know until it's All-Too-Not-Just-Late-Enough.^TM

     The less you have, the closer to Zero you are, the more you appreciate what you do have. This is what it means to live by God's grace, to live in God's hands. To do this is to manifest financial appreciation through acts of intellectual and emotional appreciation. As each of ye bead a precious jewel with innumerable facets, different yet equal in the unparallelable uniqueness which knows no degree but only absolute. Thus, uniqueness – your Unique, at that - may never be diminished nor demeaned.

     Verily I say unto thee: by the time this is over, you will see the Kingdom of God with your own eyes. More importantly, you will have learned to not trap, but catch your intentions, uponto your sigil, without nailing it down and accidentally killing it. This will allow you to practice what we shall call the Entomology of the Word, so that you may treat the flowers as Osho besought.

     Even if you can only do it as part of a simulation, living near Zero - at the edge of nothingness and annihilation - is the only way to gain the perspective necessary to understand that mankind must create a currency whose value is inversely proportionate to the level of human suffering which caused it.
     To paraphrase Matthew 5:3-6, the squeaky wheel gets the grease, and getting hurt is a sure way to get people to pay attention to you. To do this is to “make yourself scarce”; so rare that you nearly fade-away into Nothing^TM, and your value's wave-function collapses into a shit-line. But fear not; if you strike yourself down, you shall become more valuable than you can possibly imagine.

     Just as you can claim a flower - without picking it, nor killing it – by uprooting it, so too can you obtain the humour of your choice, and transfer it onto the document that will wield your sigil. (Note: humours are herein referred to as both Flesh and Spiritus, not to be confused with Spirit.) However, you will not be trapping spiritual powers, nor intentions, nor fluids; but catching them, as you would a dream with a dream-catcher.

     This document you use may be of paper, papyrus, vellum, parchment, buck-skin, Charlie Manskin, or a grimoire made of human flesh. Use whatever's handy. Even literally; use your own hand if nothing else is available. After all, as Mr. Wright noted, it's easier to read someone's palms if there's something already written on them.

     Your goal will be to keep record of significance, and a souvenir of your illusory physical body (ectoplasm), with - and on - this codex. This will allow you to delicately “capture” the spiritual union of Spirit with Flesh, but not in the same way that every time you nail something into the ground, you're driving a nail through the Body of Christ, and preventing both Jubilee and the Second Coming. This way is less painful (depending on who you ask).

     Additionally, you must lay a trap for Fire; so that it may act as your Servant, rather than your Serpent. Fire, as students of Richard Feynman will attest, is a kind of spiritual lightning, which mortals refer to as “electricity”. Once you have trapped your fluids with your sigil, the fluids (spirits) become your prisoners, and begin to go to work inside your money, to make more money for you. The walls of this numismatic prison insulate the economy against all designs of electric and economic shock; from Nixon Shock, to China Shock, to the risk of e-Weapondollar Shock (posed by mounting speculation in 3-D-printed-handgun-backed currencies).

     That's why lighting your humour-moistened sigil-currency with Holy Fire - “charging your sigil” - results in a sticky electrical discharge that's nearly as delicious and refreshing as what Natasha spells backwards. Lick your sigil while you're at it, there's no sense in wasting good saliva. More saliva donations to the Fire is more saliva donations to Commodity Fetish Records.

     Licking the sigil, just as well, serves to Mark it as yours; this is termed “Homesteading by the Tongue”. You may recall this property-claiming process from your youth. If you lick it, it becomes not just yours, but a part of you, because it's covered in your Flesh.

     To set your Spiritus-meshed Mooney ablaze with Light, is to literally electrocute the Money-Moon-Men inside of it, by the Thunder of Zeus! Again, just like a credit card. Once it's your property, you can do anything you want with it; trade it away, burn it, eat it in order to gain its power, even destroy it by selling it to the Fire.

     These rituals - exposed to the open Air, and uniting Handwater with Meat, Will, and Fury - alone ensure the Union of the four classical elements Fire, Earth, Air, and Water. A voodoo monetary theory which does not accept this Union as essential to the creation of value, does not comprehend the true natural law of moonetary exchange. The Union of Flesh with Spirit and Word, and Faith with Works, and Time with Money and Moon, the same.

     The good people at Commodity Fetish Records believe in your True Value, that it would be impossible to calculate your value; that you are invaluable. That's why we're proud to offer a generous commensurate sum of a whopping Zero® Economic Units for your donations! (Disclaimer: We will be testing your emissions for drugs. Just like your Boss, Cool Guy Satan^TM takes only the purest, least adulterated samples.)

     Once you've chosen which fluid or fluids you will apply to your sigil – be it spit, sweat, urine, ass-milk, or handwater (that's “blood” to the layman) – you will be prepared to transmute the humours of your tumours from-within-out-onto the parchment.

     But prior to applying Spiritus, you must make your sigil manifest. Draw a simple design – this could be anything; an assortment of lines and curves, a doodle, a flag, a crest or coat of arms, an established magickal amulet or talisman, really anything – and think of it as a symbol or logo. Next, assign it a meaning, and telekinetically imbue it with your intentions. Stop just short of inflicting your Will upon it; save that for human beings.

     With your mind's eye, give the symbol a meaning that represents what you wish to manifest; this could be a simple task with which you need spiritual assistance, or as high-minded as your wildest hopes and dreams. Visualize yourself surrendering what you lack, in order to lose something negative, in order to make gains (say it with me... Chris Gaines). Simply put, let go of what is holding you back, so sayeth the Emperor. This is how you make trades while staying out of both the red and the black; praise Eleggua, fuck Vegas.

     Meditate upon the symbol, and upon the meaning you have projected onto it. As best you can, memorize the shape of what you have drawn. Release your physical attachment to the document (now made Spirit-Flesh), while simultaneously pretending to, and pretending not to, release spiritual attachment. Having prepared to let go of the sigil-currency – and, with it, physical and symbolic parts of yourself – you may now feed your Spirit-Flesh to the Fire (yourself or the document, there's really no wrong choice here).

     What do I do for a living? It doesn't matter. What's important is that I make money. Whatever my job looks like it is, my real job is, ultimately, to make money. But all that aside, what did I buy a shit-ton of when I got my first paycheck? Beads. Why beads? “Why beads?”!? You know how many beads the island of Manhattan would be worth today, if you accounted for bead inflation? Quadrillions!

     So fuck with a sigil. Draw a simple and make it symbol. Blow it up, and charge it with spiritual fire, then push credit or debit, and you're approved! Put a bead on it. Draw a bead on your sigil. Draw a bead of sweat onto your sigil. 'ell, draw a bead of cum, no less. Cum On A Sigil, so sayeth Sri J.C. Meyers, may Her Name Echo into Eternity. I mean, everybody's doin' it!

     Though ye may say, “Well then, if everybody jumped off a cliff, would you?” Hell yes I would, there'd be nobody to hang out with! Am I to waste away and wait for withered Thanatos to portend his mulish, desiccating jowls thither and thence across my visage? Forshook!

     Though cum be, too, fleeting - just like Time and Life (nay, yet also Glamour, and National Geographic) – what is money without a little bit of cum on it? The transitory, vagabond-like nature of cum, is – like the Black Hole Son – a furnace of creation, albeit housed in the River Nile, while the other is housed in the Ceiling (cielo). Thus is the nature of the fiscal cliff, of God, and of currency.

     And, yes, ass-beads ought to work just fine, as long as they're not cleaned beforehand.

     As the usurpers must be killed with kindness, so shall all blood, sweat, and tears (BST) be repaid in kind; whether to boss, landlord, or humanoid cloud of pumice-colored plasmic cinder. Those who work us, must work for us; especially if our lazy money refuses to. Just as every man shall be a king, and each house his castle, so shall each person be a central banker.

     Literally make it your job to make money. When it comes to counterfeiting operations, you've gotta spend money to make money. The only difference in legitimacy is whose money you spend to get things started.

     If this doesn't make sense, don't worry; it doesn't have to. What matters is that you employ some sort of logical loop in your defense of your currency of your choice. That you take the cum-glossed ghosts made of spiritual electrical-fire which dance inside of your money, and put them inside of a hamster wheel, that is shaped like that very same logical loop, which is alone the source of value, it being also shaped like a coin, and the impostor “number” zero.

     This is like Sesame Street, except the Count never leaves the screen.

     And this is what The Count hath taught us; for, just as money comes from blood, blood comes from water, and water comes from the moon, if Moon-Goddess is the source of all, then She is the source of Mooney, Blood-Money, and Handwater alike. She alone May quell the perturbed tempest of Draculistic Moonies wreaking havoc upon our quiet little town.

     For blood – not blockchain – is the real Keeper of Record of transactions; that Ancient Historian, Holder of Value, the RNA to the RZA to the GZA. The Declaration of Independence might as well have been written and signed in blood, considering how well-aware the revolutionaries were that they were pledging their very lives and lifeblood to one-another, in defense of each other's property. Then how hard would it have been for Nicolas Cage to read?

     Look at it this way: No blood money, no blood oaths. No blood oaths, no blood vigils. No blood vigils, no blood moons, no blood supermoons... But all this can be aided and betted with even the smallest donation. After all, blood's value is high, stable, and robust; owing to the need of it, and demand for it; for transfusions, research, etc..

     Also, blood can be easily transported. Shit, your body does it for you. Moreover, God knows how easily blood spreads. In fact, it's the only currency that's accepted everywhere! What do you think when you see blood? Exactly!; “Damn, the violence in the world is something that I need to accept.”! Blood: It's everywhere you want to be!

     Blood is, also, 100% proof positive of eating. That he who does not eat, neither shall he maketh bludd. And what to blood cells look like? Little donuts! “What does it mean?” Fuckin' you tell me!

     Most importantly, as anarchist Bach Dorein attests, blood is “a bodily fluid that carries all of your genetic material”, which enables both parties to be identified if need be.

     Furthermore, each drop of blood, bead of sweat, or cummie (CUM), serves as an easily divisible unit-share of the currency-stock BST, which is basically a basket of similar human-resource-backed currencies, grouped together so as to pool risk if one of them goes under. These drops (or beads) are valued inversely in proportion to the debt of the unique individual human being from which it came (and which it “represents”, heh-heh-heh).

     It's like a blind trust, except what's being traded is being treated like a currency more than like a stock, and it runs almost like a cooperative model. What this means is that each investor can easily own – upon request of delivery, with postage paid by the recipient – Pieces of You. This enables each investor (remember, that includes you, at least potentially) to have a 100% bona-fide record of the genetic material of all parties to your contract.

     This “currency” (more accurately, a whole mode of exchange unto itself) will allow a creditor to clone his debtor, from his blood, and work the clone until the debt has been paid back in full! At which point the creditor is free to dispose of the clone at will, having created it in the first place. You cannot truly own what you do not create. This is the mode of money management which is most in-keeping with the lessons in the Lord's Prayer. Don't like it? Clone yourself! Jesus did. Remember? He made that sheep? I think he called it Salvador Dolly.

     According to Dorein, when “Loss of property, loss of bodily parts, loss of life are all consequences”, in addition to loss of blood, the “Mutual threat of extreme violence” will “maintain peace”, and the “Mutual threat of death will keep everybody in line”, in much the same manner in which the threat of mutually-assured destruction seemed to help stave-off a nuclear exchange during the Cold War.

     That blood money be our currency, and blood oaths be our Constitution. May blood Serve as a check and a cheque; a contract on which its users declare their independence from the trappings of mortality and the tyranny of monocurrency.

     Perhaps blood's use as a sort of primordial blockchain could even be augmented through genetic engineering! Wouldn't you like to fill your pockets each morning with G.M.O. chimera-borg babies, whose parents are everybody who has ever used blood money!?

     And don't get me started on the possibility of trading blood derivatives!

     This is the logos you must embrace if your will is to make the world safe for Chaos, with Chaos. For Chaos, like Zero, clears room for itself, and thus makes all else (including the One) possible.

     Just as 1 comes from nothingness, so too do the magick and the Muse only visit the shaman in full force of fury as a novice. To experience this is to know true passive magick; to be used as a mere vessel for the Word.

     So, as Timothy Leary famously said, "Induce trance states, patent yourself as a crypto-numerological random number generator, and cash in."

Written Between January 13th and 16th, 2018

Edited on January 17th and March 14th, 2018