Reference Chart Regarding the As Many As Twenty-One Incidents of Sexual Abuse Which I Endured as a Child

      The following image is a spreadsheet which should help explain the between four and twenty-one incidents of sexual abuse which I endured as a child.
     This image is a clarification of the grid found in my second statement to police, which was written between January and March 2021, and delivered to Lake Bluff police in early March 2021.
     That statement can be read at the following link:
     http://www.aquarianagrarian.blogspot.com/2021/03/second-statement-to-police-regarding.html


     

     I was molested no less than three or four times - in 1995 and probably also 1996 - via forced subjection to unwanted genital touching, during overwhelming tickling by my father. The restraint and forced laughing to which my father would expose me, for as long as five minutes at a time, caused partial suffocation.
     Some of the memories I have are vivid, while others are partial. I have vivid memories of no less than three or four of those incidents, partial memories of as many as eight other incidents of possible abuse on the couch, and nine other incidents.

     That partial suffocation, coupled with my father's routine screaming at me for years after the abuse, caused me to forget the abuse some time between the ages of ten and thirteen years old (between Incident #20 and Incident #21).
     [Note: The process by which a person's conscious mind is shielded from dealing with painful and traumatic memories, is called Adaptive Information Processing (A.I.P.). When memories of trauma are so suppressed that it begins to affect a person's personality, this can cause what is called the "splitting" of the psyche; for example, into a "Jekyll and Hyde", or into "multiple personalities". Multiple Personality Disorder is now called Dissociative Identity Disorder.] 

     I have also created this spreadsheet to explain which incidents I remember the most clearly, and which I remember the least clearly.

     I began recovering memories of the other incidents in late 2014 and early 2015 (at the ages of 27 and 28 years old). More vivid memories surfaced in 2017; of Incidents #5 through #16 (the incidents of abuse on the gray couch).

     Incident #21 was the last possible time that my father may have tried to touch me against my will; I suspect that Incident #21 was a failed molestation attempt.
     I have always remembered Incidents #1, #2, and #4, but I remain uncertain as to whether sexual touching occurred during those incidents.

          The incidents of genital touching via forced tickling on the gray couch, are the incidents I remember the most clearly.

     Incidents bearing a low percentage (in terms of how sure I am that something sexual happened during the incident) are the incidents which I remember the least clearly.

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Created and Published on May 12th, 2021