The
backrophcy was correct!: I won, because I have
won, because I will win,
because I willed it (that
is, wanted) to win.
It's not reification, it's manifestation.
Yes,
as I warned that I would kill her again, as once I have killed J.C.
Meyers in the Flesh, so again hath I kill'd her in the voting
booth!
I
have done all this because the LØrd
is on my side. Great are the gifts when you build your Church upon
Dwayne Rock Johnson; for thou must go to Dwayne Rock Johnson if
Dwayne Rock Johnson does not come to thee.
And sew, we greet the new Day, and $ellebrate victory: over God,
over J.C. Meyers, over “Life Itself”. The Age of Jack is dawning,
as the Brave New Future®
of the Order is $ecure.
Already, the chain of events has been set into motion which will
ensure the stability of our church, through enacting the triune
pillars of our Faith: Auto-Sarcophagic Taxation, Demiurgic Demurrage,
and the Riddim-Based Salvation (that is, the salvation of face, and
face-value, through self-annihilation). As the Zen master holds tight
to the pillow, so must we hold tight to these pillars (or, in
financial language, principals).
Not only all this, but also, we must make ourselves more valuable,
by making ourselves scarce. ...By kidnapping ourselves, just as God
has done to itself. Doing so will allow you to turn the gods within
yourselves over to the Order, in Order to pay that god as ransom, and
receive the blessed sacrament. Call it turnover. Apple-level turnover.
Of course – with neither hesitation, pause, nor cause – Meyers
has (ahem) elected to pull some levers behind the scenes, to contest
the results of your (The People'sTM) election, of me, Jack
Sampson. Well, you can't bamboozle a bamboozler! Meyers' treachery is
not limited to rigging elections; I suspect that this Deal has been
in the Works even since long before either One of us agreed
that an election beheld.
Still, though, it was well-advised four J.C. to wait until after
the votes were cast to dispute the results, because that empowered
Jack to resolve the dispute. And I say that there is no
dispute! To those who take Issue with this, my decree, your reward is
in Heaven. By which I mean Issues.
I'm now willing to look back and admit that it has not thus far
proved helpful to have put a temporary hold on the production and
acceptance of Commodity Fetish Records 999-Economic-Unit Notes (“CFR”
on the Stalk Exchange). That is why I have enclosed in this issue the
unthinkable: FREE MONEYTM.
This money is being Issued not only debt-free, but also free of the
demurrage obligation. This is to say that you will not be obligated
to pay a fine for failing to discharge (or, in financial language,
cum) the funds within the allotted time.
Just as life is (but a sorry) consolation for the mistake of the
Creation, so shall this gift serve as an apologia for
the Order. “A Fair and Square
Deal”, “A Square Meal”, “Three Thoths and a Thot”; call
this Deal what you Will. But one thing's for sure: This is a big
deal, believe me, you're never gonna get a better deal than this. And
that's a deal you can take all The Way to the bank of the River
Jordan.
Yea,
just as we must serve through Works in addition to having Faith, FREE
MONEYTM
Will Serve as an apology-slash-defense for the Order's
mistaken old ways, and a consolation for our previous ill-advised
monetary policies. My hope is that this FREE MONEYTM Will
seal the bond between you the reader, and we your benevolent
overlords at Commodity Fetish Records; the bond which we here at
C.F.R. have so fascistly
fashioned, as if to $uture our future uponto the very lives of our
audience, like a snake on a cross.
And
most importantly, you
paid for it all! So this is really Your
Welcome!TM
Ye have herd that it hath been
said: The value of a coin, and of a currency, derives from the
strength of the government that made it (and the strength of its
armies and police). Government commands citizens to use the standard
currency, so that the value of their property and produce can be
assessed in terms widely agreed upon, so that it can be easily
determined how much they owe in taxes (be it a portion of their
money, their crops, or their hands). And when the government and its
enforcement tools are strong, they can exact as much as they
need from the people, and more.
Those familiar with the work
of Max Weber and Jeremy Bentham will know that an effective
government must be practically omnipresent – or at least maintain a
credible appearance of having agents present everywhere – in
all places where it claims a monopoly on power. With particular
regard to money, this means that the people must be in (more
or less) constant fear that the government might deem any or all of
their personal and social activities as economic ones.
The established authority must
Order the people to surrender their property and produce to the
government, so that it may then use those resources to produce more
money and currency, and dole out scraps of it to us... well, not us.
People who can get their shit together well enough to apply for a
small business loan, I guess.
All of this is why it is said
that “You've got to spend money (in Order) to make money.” Which
begs the question: Who paid for the First Printing Press? Through
this riddle, it is revealed that this process is nothing more than
sleight-of-hand – a magick trick – and that it is nothing to be
afraid of. And communion wafers were the first Mass-printed 3-D currency anyway, so whatever.
Nea, the strength of the
government matters not when it comes to enhancing the value of
a coin. In fact, the value of a coin depends on its rarity and
scarcity. And, if possible, its uniqueness. However, just
like the idea that value can be represented, “uniqueness” only
exists if our being able to conceive of it proves that it does indeed
exist.
But if the value of a coin is
a function of its rarity, then wouldn't it follow that the
value of a coin depends on the government which created it being a
powerless historical footnote, incapable of taking the coin
back? Unable to coerce payment of that coin through taxes? Of
course it would!
Modern economists do not take
these considerations, though. Serious questions are not being asked,
like “How can a government consider its currency successful, if it
wants to spread the usage and possession of that currency, but
also take a shitload of it away every year?” The answer lies
in Faith.
For, just like the twin gifts
of Forgiveness and Salvation, the possession of currency was AlwaysTM
meant to be temporary, period. This is the Demiurgic Demurrage
to witch I have alluded, and it is why we must ask for Forgiveness
again every week. And even make up some sins if we have to. To
fail to confess is to prove God wrong about Original Sin. ...Unless
the Church came up with that, of course. Either way, someone's
out of a job. Don't let it be me.
This is why we must not cling
to false currencies, and why we must instead fasten ourselves soully
to the New Notes. The government can only reclaim all its debts
through reclaiming all the currency into which those debts were
built, which it has Issued. Similarly, God may only reclaim
His gift of SALvation; by taking away our carte blanche
every Saturday night at midnight (glass slippers, flying pumpkin
chariot of fire, and all).
Thus, All returns to the
whirling Cinder; hella. It's a Hel-La-va way for a
party to End.
Just as the Emperor is the
only seller who accepts this currency, he is also the only one who
accepts you. And sew, you must pay back your FREE MONEYTM
to the Emperor.
As much as we should rejoice
that people have (ahem) bought into the idea that memes make
whys investment opportunities. But, funny though moth memes are, if
we are to weave our sacred (in)vestments of memes, we must
choose a meme which moths doth not devour. That is why I would
recommend short-selling moth memes until mid-2239, as they are about
to crash. Probably into a lightbulb, though.
That is why I personally
recommend – this Samhain, Allhallow's Eve, Halloween, and Day of
the Dead – investing in pumpkin memes, and afterlife memes. I have
a feeling that pumpkin memes are gonna peak right around January.
Doot doot.
Yes, that's right: just as to
feed from every word that Issues from the mouth of God is to eat the
Bread of Life (the Word), and to breathe, speak, sleep, and Sweatcoin
the Bible, wearing memes as our vestments is how we Will wear our
Faith on our sleeves, keep our (in)vestments free of tooth of moth,
and, thus, keep our currency current, rather than dead, and decaying
(in value).
Josef Stalin once said,
“Gratitude is a sickness suffered by dogs.” Although Stalin
arguably saved the world from the Nazi menace, with this quotation he
also spared us the indignity of having to thank him for
it. And that is fortunate, because doing so would probably involve
excusing all kinds of atrocities on Stalin's part.
I have heard you speaking –
in the parlors, and between my temples – many of you feel the same
way about J.C. Meyers, or even about Jack Sampson's own past
missteps in monetary policy. You may think of Jack, “Who is this
guy, telling us to use some weird new currency every month?”
But checkest thee before thou
wreckest thyself, four hath you not endured the same abuses under
your god, and, at that, every week? The same god who meted out
forgiveness in the form of printed crackers, sips of booze,
indulgences, and, I don't know, maybe a blow job every once in a
while? Limiting your right to imbibe the sacrament, and colluding
with government to limit your right to purchase it!?
Well, knot any more, now that
there's FREE MONEYTM! Tell 'em the Mountains sent ya! If
they don't believe ya, tell 'em Muhammad sent ya! If they don't
believe that, tell 'em that Muhammad sent the
Mountains, or where-all-fuck!
This is how, as it was said in
the Soviet Union, “We do not fight against believers, and not even
clergymen. We fight against God, to snatch believers from Him.”
Sticking with the communist
theme (because why not), Che Guevara once said, “The life of a
single human being is worth a million times more than all the
property of the richest man on Earth.” This is the manner in witch
the Order intends to dissolve and liquidate the holdings of those who
afflicted you; this, in Order to bogusly inflate the value of you,
the afflicted.
This is why my name means the
increase of the value of all coins; even those coins whom are
humans walking among us. Not just coins, but jewels, gems, and cards,
as well. So sayeth the Lord: The value of these are greater than a
million Boar Vessel 600-500 B.C. Etruscan Ceramics. This is what was
written on our hearts from The Beginning. Word up, but also Works up.
Although Forgiveness and
Salvation are but temporary gifts, the cards and coins and precious
stones among us, are gifts to but themselves, and also, if we please,
to all of us. And that is why they, and the words which attempt to
define them, make perfect ransom.
That is because the shared
root of the words “price”, “precious”, “appreciate”,
“praise”, and “appraisal”, is the Latin word pretium.
Just as the unexamined life is Worth living, a Word is
worthless unless it is relentlessly taken apart, and its many
meanings dissected.
Lend me your ears, for the
linguistic lesson of this is a corny one. That flowing through
the Root is the Issue of Jesse, which springs like water – nea,
like a slippery cob of shibboleth (which is mostly
water, for the simple fact that it is what it eats) – across the
Land. Similarly, that the Zemach, like my references to it,
are like the radical reference and deference to roots (and to the
meanings which they carry with them) which is found in grammatical
descriptivism. What is herd must not only be herd, but appreciated;
that is, valued, and believed in. Moreover, praised and appraised.
To be radical is to strike at
the root of the twin problems of misunderstanding and apprehension;
by listening directly, while searching for intended meaning,
grammatical proscriptivism and prescriptivism are the
Dry Ground of semiotics. This is how Faith grows; out of a mere
Mustard Seed. In a vacuum of belief.
Otherwhys – without that
certainty that God, and our money, are dead – there would be no
disconnect between what's being said, and what's being heard. And
thus, no need to dissociate livestock and consumer goods from their
intrinsic value, through an unending series of abstract
presentations, representations, and re-representations.
Essentially, it's a series of
shittings, panarchic re-cyclings of those shittings into a feedback
loop (a/k/a mouth), and re-shittings, in Order to extract all
value. In chaos magick, in which many inconceivable
possibililities must be filtered out as carefully as possible, we
call this “the process of elimination”.
That is the hierarchy –
the food-chain – of value. We The People exist, as a shitty
emulation of God (and His Word), the source($) of all meaning and
value. We use goods and become what we consume. We use money to
represent those goods. We use currency to represent that
money, thereby re-representing what the money
represents.
And if we're smart, we
use mock currency, because
it is the only currency which is gilded in enough layers of
abstraction (that is, bullshit) to render it fool-proof. Again, not
lunatic-proof; just fool-proof. You know how the D.M.V. accepts
copies, but not copies of copies? But they do
accept copies
of copies
of copies? ...I think? It's kind of like that.
What
this means for Ewe is
that FREE MONEYTM (CFR)
is the only currency coated in enough layers of bullshit to withstand
the twin tests of Time and History. Nay, survive
them, for just as our god is a living god that can be killed (praY¢e
Jack), ours is a living
currency, dutifully and
zealously coated in blood, sweat, and tears.
So
help me finish overturning J.C. Meyers, turnover a new leaf of the
Book, and heed its Word: Spend now! Convert now! For a deathbed
repentance could, at best, only leaf you Gratefully Dead. Give this
FREE MONEYTM
back to Caesar, or else give your life back to God.
Only
when we create a currency with mirrors on it, may we (ahem) forge
a currency which has our
own faces on it. Only
then may we keep our money. But then again, these faces were never
really ours in The First Place (i.e.,
Paradise); they always belonged to A F.I.R.E. Power. Their value
AlwaysTM derived
from the value of the Original
Face; The Dead God That
We Killed®.
And
so, this is our sacred covenant with Ewe: that your value will never
increase or decrease, no matter how much FREE MONEYTM (or how little)
passes through your hands. Or the eye of a needle, for that matter.
Acts now; four this very Column (that is, pillar) may disappear, enveloped
and suffocated 'neath the heavy and the weight of these brand new
spanking DEAL$. So hold tight to each the pillow, the pillar, the
column, the principle, and the principal.
It's
a bunch of bullshit, but it's The Word. God is great, God is Gray,
and God is Graceful, so the least you could do is be Grateful. After
all, what you don't appreciate, you Will undoubtedly lose.
We
must consume this money the only way we can: by spending it. This is
how we Will eat the Bread of Life; by spending it before its value
drops to zero. Verily, we must eat
God, before Saturn
Himself devours us.
Just
watch out for food poisoning. After all, an Apple a day doesn't keep
the Devil
away!
Take
a byte! Help yourself, just help yourself!
Written on October 16th and 17th, 2018
Published to this blog on October 17th, 2018
Also appeared in the November edition of Issues magazine
