Documents from 2002 and 2015 Show That I Experienced Protagonist Syndrome from 2013 to 2015

     Protagonist Syndrome is a mental disorder in which a person believes that they are one or more characters from a work of fiction. I have discovered two documents - a list of movies from 2001 or 2002, and a list of characters from 2015 - which document several facts that show I experienced this problem.
     I believe that I suffered from Protagonist Syndrome coupled with Dissociative Identity Disorder, because in early 2015 - while attempting to recover from the psychological issues I experienced in late 2014 and early 2015 - I created a long list of people from history, and from works of fiction, whom I thought I was. It also felt, at times, if these characters were different personalities of mine.

     The fact that I experienced delusions in late 2014 and early 2015, should not be construed to suggest that what I remember about the abuse I suffered as a child, is not credible. I experienced these delusions because I had been molested at the ages of 8 and 9, and then brainwashed into thinking that the abuse had not happened.
     The reason why I suffered delusions - like the ideas that I was Jesus, or Odysseus, or Rasputin, or God, or the Devil - was because those things seemed more likely to me, than the possibility that my father had molested me, and then deceived me about it for almost two decades.
     Recovering more vivid memories of molestation helped me recover from my delusions, because it allowed me to admit that I was, in fact, not Jesus Christ - and did not come to this Earth solely in order to suffer - and therefore my father was not God, and it was not acceptable for him to torture me.
     I believe that my father's emotionally abusive and psychologically manipulative treatment of me over the years, eventually caused Martyrdom Complex to manifest in my mind, so severely that I began to suspect that I was Jesus Christ and that I came to this world in order to suffer.
     This is why I say that I suffered from Protagonist Syndrome perhaps as early as 2013. I also got scrapes on my wrist from climbing over a chain-link fence on the outskirts of Madison, Wisconsin. That occurred in the late summer of 2013, when I left Madison to hitchhike to Oregon.
     I have also been aware, for several years, of the ideas of "theosis", "messianosis", and "Christosis"; i.e., the ideas that a person is supposed to identify with the suffering of Jesus Christ, in order to become more like God, or like the Messiah. Jesus and his suffering, and my relation to Jesus and his suffering, were things that I have thought about a lot, in relation to the way my father treats me. My father's bad advice about jobs, and his domineering way of speaking to me, impacted my emotional and financial well-being a lot in those days.

      In late February 2015, I moved from Portland, Oregon to Lake Bluff, Illinois. For the next three years, I lived with my father and childhood sexual abuser, Richard Steven Kopsick, at 132 Welwyn Street, in the Knollwood neighborhood of west Lake Bluff.

     While in Portland, I experienced sexual dysfunction, due to the genital pain I was experiencing - at the site of my circumcision scar - when having too much sex and masturbating too much. I begun to develop resentment towards my father regarding his making the decision to have me circumcised.

     That resentment about my father's decision to circumcise me, is what prompted me to ask myself whether he had ever molested me as a child. While in Portland, I only had questions and images in my mind's eye; it wasn't until I was back, living with my father - in his face all the time, dealing with him shouting at me nearly every day - that I recovered vivid memories of sexual abuse.

     Between December 2014 and February 2015, I suffered from a psychotic break, after developing symptoms of what I now recognize to be Dissociative Identity Disorder (D.I.D.) and probably also schizophrenia. D.I.D. is the new term for Multiple Personality Disorder.
     Victims of abuse will often suffer from a "splitting" of their personality, resulting from their abuser provoking the victim's angry side that remembers the abuse, and then soothing them to get the happy side that doesn't remember the abuse, to come out. This is what my father did to me. Although I still haven't been diagnosed with any psychiatric disorder(s) - and / because I still haven't been given a full psychiatric evaluation - I suspect that my father's treatment of me resulted in splitting and D.I.D..
     I also believe that my father has Martyrdom Complex - probably due to his mother dying at a young age - and I believe that he transferred his Martyrdom Complex onto me.
     Additionally, I believe that I experienced schizophrenia in late 2014 and early 2015, due to extreme loneliness and isolation from most other people (aside from a few close friends and my landlady in Portland, Ann Theroux, whom I didn't trust).
     That sort of thing will happen to a person who is alone for extended periods of time; for example, the Tom Hanks movie Castaway depicts a man befriending and naming a volleyball. To anyone else, such a person might look insane, but "Wilson" was probably the only thing keeping Hanks's character connected to society and reality.
     I suspect that the long periods of silence I had to endure, living by myself without a girlfriend or any friends, increased my desire to believe that I was hearing voices that weren't really there. Believing that I was hearing imaginary voices, comforted me, because it made me believe I was special (because nobody else could hear the voices).
     Between December 2014 and February 2015, I believed that I was hearing voices (including coming from inanimate objects), and I believed that I was other people (including people from history, and characters from works of fiction).

     In early 2015, while trying to jog my own memory about my childhood, I wrote down several lists of terms that I thought would help jog my memory more. I published those lists of terms in my April 2021 article "Correcting the Record: How I Recovered Memories of Childhood Sexual Abuse at the Age of Twenty-Eight", which can be read at the following link:

     http://www.aquarianagrarian.blogspot.com/2021/04/correcting-record-how-i-recovered.html

     In attempts to jog my memory about my childhood, I also went through my childhood toys, and some writing and projects from school that I did between the ages of six and eighteen years old. The smell of my toys helped me remember smells from my childhood. I also tried to remember the smell of Nintendo game cartridges, to help myself remember the way our basement smelled. I did this because I was molested in the basement on our gray couch.

     One of the documents I found in 2015 was a list of movies I had watched before the year 2001 or 2002. I created this list at the age of 14 or 15, and even asked Walt - the owner of Center Video in Lake Bluff - for some help remembering a few of the titles.

     Incidentally, when I rented the 1983 film WarGames, that video store owner told me that the movie featured a young Ally Sheedy doing yoga while wearing a leotard. Sheedy was about 20 years old when she filmed that movie. Still, looking back on it, it seems inappropriate that Walt told me about what Sheedy was wearing in the film; because I was only 14 or 15 years old at the time. It seems obvious that that video store owner was attracted to much younger women.

     I am reproducing the list below, here, in order to help explain why I believe that I suffered from Protagonist Syndrome especially in 2015 (and also to some extent during the two years prior). The fact that I saw hundreds of movies before the age of 14 or 15, should help explain why I experienced Protagonist Syndrome years later.

     What follows is an excerpt from a list that I created in early 2015.
     That list consists of people from history, and fictional characters, whom I thought I was at various times.
     At the top is an excerpt from the portion of the list which focuses on religious figures whom I thought I was, and at the bottom is the part of the list consisting of fictional characters whom I believed I was.
     Readers will notice that one of those fictional characters was Ally Sheedy's character from WarGames.

Greek Legends

Atlas

Hercules

Icarus

 

Homer

Cassandra (from The Iliad)

Odysseus, esp. as Nohbdy (from The Odyssey)

Paris (from The Iliad)

 

Shakespeare

Banquo (from Macbeth)

Hamlet (from Hamlet)

Macbeth (from Macbeth)

From Peanuts

Linus

Pigpen

Schroeder

From “The Brady Bunch”

Bobby Brady

Oliver Brady

 

From “The Breakfast Club”

Ally Sheedy’s character, Alison; and Sheedy’s character from WarGames

John Bender

 

From The Simpsons

Abraham J. Simpson

Agnes Skinner’s change purse

Apu Nahasapeemapetilon

C. Montgomery Burns

Chester J. Lampwick

Comic Book Guy

Shelbyville Manhattan

 

From King of the Hill

Bobby Hill

Kahn Subanusenphone

Lama Sanglug

Luanne Platter

The Exterminator (composite with Dale Gribble’s occupation)

The Ghost of Rusty Shackleford

 

From “Futurama”

Bender the Robot

Cubert Farnsworth

Philip J. Fry

Professor Hubert Farnsworth

Robot Nixon

Turanga Leela



Figures from the Bible

Bartholomew the Apostle

Doubting Thomas the Apostle

Esau

Enoch

God

Jesus

Joseph (all of them)

Job

Jonah

King David

King Solomon

Lucifer

Moses

Noah

Samson

St. Anthony of Padua

St. Emerentiana of Rome

St. Francis of Assisi

The Devil

The Pharaoh

     This is only a partial list. These 55 personas represent less than twenty percent (20%) of the more than 350 people whom I thought (or suspected) that I was, in early 2015. I created that list in March and/or April of 2015.

     Again, I realize how ridiculous it sounds to ask people to believe that I was molested as a child, while explaining that I, at one time, believed that I was hundreds of other people (including fictional characters, figures from religious, and inanimate objects).

     I do not now believe myself to believe any of those things. But I also firmly resent the idea that I "am" Joe Kopsick. First, because I share a last name with my child molester. Second, because my last name sounds awful. Third, because I and my name are not the same thing. I "am" not Joe Kopsick; I was named Joseph William, by the clan Kopsick, which is my family. I am not Joe Kopsick; I am a person who was named "Joe Kopsick".

     This feeling of lack of identification with my name - coupled with my resentment of my father (over naming me, allowing me to be circumcised, molesting me, and mistreating me), and also losing my best friend and girlfriend - are what caused my feelings of dissociation to grow so badly that they began to manifest as more recognizable and nameable disorders such as Martyrdom Complex, Dissociative Identity Disorder, and Protagonist Syndrome.

     I repeat: My delusions resulted from trying to remember whether I had been abused, and from struggling to come up with alternative explanations about why I was suffering so much. The fact that I suffered from mental distress and confusion about reality should therefore not be used to suggest that my memories about the abuse are not reliable.

     Moreover, I did not recover the vivid memories about the abuse on the gray couch (the incidents which I remember the most clearly) until mid-2017, a full two years after I stopped suffering from schizophrenic and dissociative delusions.

     On the other hand, I did recover at least one memory in early 2015, when I was still in the midst of trying to recover psychologically; this was the memory of my father caressing the back of my head at the Union League Club Hotel in Chicago in December 1996 (after which I blacked out). I referred to this incident as "Incident #20" in my second statement to Lake Bluff police.

     That statement can be read at the following link:

     http://www.aquarianagrarian.blogspot.com/2021/03/second-statement-to-police-regarding.html

     But the vast majority of vivid memories regarding sexual abuse, were recovered two whole years after I stopped experiencing delusions.

List of movies created in 2001 or 2002,
and found in 2015

List of personalities created in March and/or April 2015

This article written and published
on May 20th, 2021

List of religious figured added on May 24th, 2021

Delinquent and Abused Minors Subjected to Physical and Psychological Abuse Disguised as Therapy: W.W.A.S.P.S. and C.R.T.

Introduction

      This article is about a network of teen boot camps called W.W.A.S.P.S. (World Wide Association of Specialty Programs and Schools), and a field of family therapy called C.R.T. (Coercive Restraint Therapy).


     I have previously written about W.W.A.S.P.S.; in my February 2021 articles "Twenty-Two Real Child Sex Abuse and Trafficking Scandals That Indisputably Point to Government Complicity", and "Opinion: Israelis Probably Lying About Making Contact with Extraterrestrials".
     Those articles can be read at the links provided below.
     http://aquarianagrarian.blogspot.com/2021/02/twenty-real-child-sex-abuse-and.html
     http://aquarianagrarian.blogspot.com/2021/02/opinion-israelis-probably-lying-about.html

     I have previously written about C.R.T. as well; in my March 2021 article (and police report) titled "Second Statement to Police Regarding the Child Sexual Abuse Which I Endured at the Hands of My Father, Richard S. Kopsick, Between 1989 and 2000".
     That article can be read at the link provided below.
     http://aquarianagrarian.blogspot.com/2021/03/second-statement-to-police-regarding.html


     Some of the information from those articles has been reproduced in the article below.

W.W.A.S.P.S. (the World Wide Association of Specialty Programs and Schools)

     When I was twenty years old - and living in Madison, Wisconsin - I met a young man from New Jersey. He liked to sing and play guitar on State Street for money. A month or two after meeting him, he taught me to hitch-hike.
     This young man told me that, when he was a teenager living in New Jersey, he started smoking marijuana as a young teenager, and even developed a cocaine habit by the end of high school.
     He told me that his mother enabled his cocaine habit, by allowing him to have sex with her friends, who were grown women, and usually overweight. She would allow her son to keep money from prostituting himself to her friends, and he would use the money to buy cocaine.

     My friend's story was already sad enough.
     But later on, he ended up in the care of his aunt.
     And unfortunately, however, his aunt stumbled upon brochures for some teen boot camps. They happened to be pamphlets about W.W.A.S.P.S., a network of "specialty programs and schools" for troubled teens and juvenile delinquents.
     These "schools" offer "tough love", and are actually boot camps. And they do not dispatch "tough love"; they inflict further psychological damage to the juvenile, and disguise it as something therapeutic.
     To paraphrase what T.V. judge Greg Mathis once said about a strict uncle's disciplinary approach, these boot camps are all tough, but no love.


     Remember the early 1990s, when Sally Jesse Raphael was still on television? She was one of the daytime "trash T.V." hosts who let troubled teens come on her show, only to be shouted at by drill sergeants who wanted them to go to boot camps.
      http://www.vice.com/en/article/4w7579/sally-jessy-raphael-the-accidental-gay-icon

     This "boot camp" phenomenon - and the related "Scared Straight program" trope - was so commonplace, in the 1990s, that it became a laughing matter on Chappelle's Show in the 2000s. Chris Rock did jokes about "Scared Straight programs", which were introduced to the public in the 1978 film Scared Straight!
     http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scared_Straight!

     Aside from the success of "scared straight" programs over the fifteen years after that film's release, it's even possible that there was a sinister reason, and maybe even a political reason, for the ubiquity of boot camps in 1990s culture.

     Senator Joe Biden had ties to the boot camp industry, and Senator Mitt Romney had ties to W.W.A.S.P.S. itself.

     In the mid-1990s, Joe Biden promoted boot camps as a supposedly less abusive alternative to prisons, when it comes to sentencing teenage delinquents and juvenile reprobates.
     A 2019 article from The New York Times explains that Biden advocated boot camps for first-time offenders. The rationale was that boot camps were supposedly less abusive than prisons.
     http://www.nytimes.com/2019/06/25/us/joe-biden-crime-laws.html

     The C.E.O. of W.W.A.S.P.S. - Robert Lichfield - donated money to one of Mitt Romney's campaigns.
     http://reason.com/2007/06/27/romney-torture-and-teens/

     Knowing these facts, it's hard to deny the possibility that Romney, Biden, Sally Jesse Raphael, and/or other "trash T.V." hosts, might have been part of a secret conspiracy, between politicians and media, to push teen boot camps as a solution to the problems experienced by troubled and defiant teens.


     W.W.A.S.P.S. has been accused of horrendous physical, emotional, and sexual abuse against its teenage victims. I first became aware of this organization in 2007, and I have now met two people who were detained at W.W.A.S.P.S. facilities, and conversed with several others over the internet.
     The organization has - or formerly maintained - facilities in Utah, Montana, South Carolina, New York, Baja California, and possibly other locations in and outside of the U.S..
     http://www.edweek.org/leadership/oversight-sought-for-behavior-altering-schools/2004/11
     http://wwaspsurvivors.com/wwasp-programs/spring-creek-lodge/


     My friend from New Jersey spent about a year and a half at the W.W.A.S.P.S. location in Baja California, Mexico. That facility was called Casa by the Sea, and is located in the resort town of Ensenada.
     http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Casa_by_the_Sea
     The other person I met, who went through W.W.A.S.P.S., was detained at the Montana location, and knew my friend from New Jersey. Both of them suffered heroin addictions during their lives; and my friend from New Jersey sadly died of a heroin overdose several years ago.


     While detained in Casa by the Sea for those eighteen months, my friend was forced to speak only Spanish. He told me that the boys were separated from the girls, and all of them were expected to stay in unsanitary conditions.
     Their living quarters contained mostly hard, flat surfaces. The intense heat, at that latitude, made the children's designated time outdoors into a sunburned nightmare.
     My friend told me that he heard stories about people getting molested by guards, while there, as well as beaten. My friend told me, before he died, that he knew the names of specific guards who molested people.
     My friend told me that the W.W.A.S.P.S. facilitators lied to his aunt and uncle, telling them to ignore all of their nephew's attempts to write letters home, pleading to be rescued. The people at W.W.A.S.P.S. tell the parents of their detainees that the children are exaggerating, and/or lying to them.
     W.W.A.S.P.S. directly exposed children to severe danger. That is why most or all of them have been shut down. It's possible that secret facilities remain, though, due to the nature of Joe Biden's and Mitt Romney's special interest in their activities.


     The reports of beatings, rape, and molestation, at the hands of the agents of W.W.A.S.P.S., are tough to swallow. For the purposes of this article, the aspect of W.W.A.S.P.S.'s activities, on which I wish to focus, is the so-called "psychological therapy" which it dispensed to children.
     That "therapy", according to my friend who was at Casa by the Sea, included instructing the teens to scream - in Spanish - at the other teens. This was part of a "survival game", in which the teens must choose which of the other participants "lives", and which of them "dies", based on the person's treatment of them, and their skills. To put it directly, my friend was instructed to say "you live" to his friends, and scream "You die!" in Spanish to people in the program whom he didn't like.

     That is absolutely not therapy; that is psychological and emotional torture. It subjects teenagers to further trauma, when they are all living in dirty, hot cells, and many of them have already been traumatized, due to problems with crime, drugs, or maybe even physical or sexual abuse. There is nothing about instructing teenagers to scream at each other, and take sides against their peers (even if it's supposedly just as part of a "game"), which could possibly help a person become a better or more functional person. Such a thing could only have increased my friend's level of panic, worry, fear of social interaction, fear of being betrayed, and fear of death.
     This is not "tough love". The guards beat the shit out of kids, screamed at them, and made them scream at each other. Once you have someone in your care screaming all the time, it is very easy to justify screaming back, and disciplining them due to that screaming.


     I imagine that the detainees at W.W.A.S.P.S. facilities received a lot of "mixed signals" like these. There is nothing that our abusers want more, than for us to be drug-addicted, homeless, and hopeless, and screaming. They like to provoke and incite us into screaming, to make us look crazy.
     There is little about W.W.A.S.P.S.'s track record which would appear to suggest that they had interest in doing anything other than that.

     If you think about it, W.W.A.S.P.S. essentially operated a racketeering operation; that is, an operation that claims to solve a problem, but only solves half of it, and makes you dependent on them.
     W.W.A.S.P.S. treated juvenile delinquents with "therapy" that traumatized them further, so that they would need more therapy that didn't actually help them. And W.W.A.S.P.S. was right there, to make a profit at every turn.
     The goal was profit all along. If not secretive child abuse as well.


     It should be plain to see, from these facts, that just because W.W.A.S.P.S. facilities were marketed as "specialty programs", as "schools", and as "therapeutic", that is not necessarily an indication that "boot camps" are any less prone to abuse and assault, than prisons.
     Who knows how many children were sent to similar camps, when what they really needed was someone to listen to them, or a little less strictness, or even just something productive or social or physical to do after school?
     A little bit of tenderness goes a long way. Especially with innocent children, whose problems with crime and drugs usually begin - or at least escalate - through a parent's bad example, or enabling (as my friend's problems escalated).
     President Biden should apologize for his promotion of boot camps in the early 1990s. If he does not, then the Democrats must never again be allowed to pretend that they care about children (aside from whether they can exploit children's need for health insurance coverage for political gain).

     W.W.A.S.P.S. facilities have been located in Utah, Montana, South Carolina, New York, and Baja California. American Samoa may have also hosted a W.W.A.S.P.S. at one point.

     You can click on the links below to learn more about W.W.A.S.P.S., and to get connected with survivors of its programs.
     http://www.wwaspsurvivors.com/
     http://www.facebook.com/groups/wwaspsurvivors/

C.R.T. (Coercive Restraint Therapy) and Dr. Neil Feinberg

     In a very literal sense, it is a tragedy that the "attitude problems" of W.W.A.S.P.S. detainees were treated with screaming. But the next story is every bit as tragic.
     In the 1980s, child psychiatrists - trying to cure "Reactive Attachment Disorder" - stooped to subjecting children to unwanted touching by their foster parents and by the psychologists. This was done in order to "cure them" of their inability to form trusting relationships with their new foster parents.
     In many cases, the reason the child was up for adoption - and had trust issues, and didn't like to be touched - was (as you probably could have guessed) because they had been molested by their biological parents.
     That's right; some psychiatrists subjected child molestation victims to unwanted touching by strangers. But that doesn't even begin to describe the nature of the abuse.


     Coercive Restraint Therapy is extremely confrontational, as well as physical.
     Take a look, for yourself, at Dr. Feinberg's "therapy", if you can stomach it.
     http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tNoIIwO3uIk
     http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJLGcNlBIEc&list=PL60B879CA086B7B37
     http://www.childrenintherapy.org/proponents/feinberg.html
     http://anchoredinknowledge.com/attachment-therapy-a-so-called-re-birthing-experience/

    You can see, from the videos linked above, that Dr. Feinberg's "therapy" for children experiencing "Reactive Attachment Disorder", consists of at least six main tactics which are potentially traumatizing to the child:

     1) intense staring in the eyes;

     2) the adult (in this case, the psychologist) shouting at the child directly into his face;

     3) telling the child that he must respond directly and quickly (and "snappy");

     4) subjecting the child to intense poking and prodding and close unwanted touching;

     5) telling the child that he must be fun to be around and “bring something to the table” socially if he expects to deserve good treatment; and

     6) daring - and essentially ordering - the child to admit that he or she hates the parent (or psychologist).

     It is disturbing to note the similarity between #6 - ordering the child to admit he hates the adult - and what my friend experienced in the "group survival game" (when he was expected to scream "you die" at people he distrusted).
     This is very problematic and dangerous.
     Aside from being vulnerable - needing adults' protection and guidance to stay safe and make wise decisions - children are very suggestible. If psychologists and adults are free to direct children to say "I hate you", then the child would be disobeying the instruction, if he failed to verbalize the supposed hatred towards the adult in question.
     This sets a very dangerous precedent. It allows adults to get away with traumatizing children - in order to make the child hate the traumatizer on purpose - in order to make damn sure that those feelings of hatred for the adult are in the child.
     The traumatizer - whether it's a quack psychologist, or a parent who's trying to get away with abuse - can, quite literally, poke and prod, and incite and provoke, all he or she wants. And the child is not free to object, nor resist. Because this form of "attachment therapy" tells us that unwanted touching is something that it's OK to expose children to, without regard to whether it makes them uncomfortable.
     This set of circumstances, in turn, might even create a situation in which children are scarcely able to communicate their discomfort at all. This results in a situation in which it is extremely easy to get away with abusing the child, or with continuing to abuse it.
     Remember, the children who are most at risk of kidnapping while away from their parents, are the children whom the kidnapper notices are the most isolated. Abusing a child - whether physically, sexually, emotionally, or psychologically - predisposes that child to being alone (because nobody can understand their problems or their deep pain), thus perpetuating a cycle of loneliness and vulnerability.
     "Dr." Neil Feinberg's controversial form of "attachment therapy" - dubbed "Coercive Restraint Therapy" - is just that; coercive. It is designed to coax, pressure, and threaten children into assenting and submitting to more unwanted touching. An adult might take advantage of the leeway that this form of "therapy" allows him, to justify trying to brainwash and trick the child into thinking that the child is "asking for it", or else acting in a way that the adult instructed them was going to result in more unwanted touching.
     "Coercive Restraint Therapy" literally teaches adults how to groom children for pedophile abuse. Coercive Restraint Therapy is pedophile grooming. C.R.T. gives potential abusers all the tools they need, to get away with disguising their child abuse as "therapeutic", "bonding", and/or "discipline", should they choose to use Feinberg's techniques to touch a child's genitals as part of the unwanted touching which they were recommended to try.


     I should add that it was especially disturbing to discover what Dr. Neil Feinberg's attachment treatment involved, given what I experienced as a child. I experienced all six of Feinberg's main problematic techniques, at the hands of my father, but to a lesser degree, or in a slightly different way.
     I do not say this to compare my suffering to that of Feinberg's patients, but to articulate a set of circumstances which may be more relatable to the reader, and which is informed by my personal experience.

     1) While Feinberg made kids stare into his eyes at close-range, my father occasionally instructed me to look him directly in the eyes while he was lecturing me. This made me extremely uncomfortable, to such an extent that, in my early twenties, I noticed myself being afraid to look directly at other people's eyes as well, including trusted family members. Somewhere around age 18 or 20, my half-sister suggested that I might have Asperger's syndrome. Many people with Asperger's find looking directly at someone's eyes to be too intense to handle for prolonged periods of time. It can even elicit fear in some people who have autism spectrum disorders.
     2) While Feinberg shouted directly into kids' faces, and made them shout back, my father was not quite as confrontational. However, he did come into my room, and tower-over me and my brother with his arms folded, shouting at us at the top of his lungs (usually for minor behavioral problems), when we were as young as five and three years old.
     3) While Feinberg would order kids to respond in a "snappy" way, my father's approach was more subtle. He would sometimes ask me multiple questions, and expect me to answer them very quickly. He wouldn't say "make it snappy"; instead, he would simply start talking over me, when it seemed to him like I wasn't going to get out what I had to say, within the space of about three seconds. I have felt, in the past, like my father was trying to accelerate the conversation into a state of confusion and agitation, through making the questions and answers go faster and faster.
     4) Feinberg subjected kids to intense poking, prodding, and close unwanted touching. My father molested me multiple times in our basement, when I was eight and nine years old, poking and prodding all over my ribcage. He also gouged his fingers into my armpits while molesting me, and would sometimes stick his fingers into my collarbone when we were hanging around the living room together. He knew it made me uncomfortable, and he did it anyway. He has convinced himself that it is nothing to be embarrassed about; and probably also that nothing is anything to be embarrassed about. That's because my father is a child molester and a psychopath (in addition to being a narcissist), and child molesters and psychopaths have a diminished ability to feel embarrassment and remorse.
     5) Feinberg told kids to "bring something to the table". My father used this exact same phrase, when he criticized both me and my mother for being shy at social functions. He would say "You don't bring anything to the table". He said that to me after I sort of snuck into a chair on his patio, and sat next to my aunt. The fact that I did it without announcing that I had arrived, and without drawing a lot of attention to myself, was apparently an indication of "antisociality" or "asociality" to my father. My father also exerted some unwanted pressure to be "fun to be around", in the form of instructing me to play music. I believe that my father's inability to be as patient and polite and quiet as necessary, when listening to me play music - after the molestation I had suffered, which caused me Post-Traumatic symptoms - contributed to my loss of interest in playing guitar, and to the growing feeling that the guitar is a trigger for me, because it reminds me of my father, and the way he has discreetly mocked me for failing to become a professional musician.
     6) My father dared me to "admit" that I hated him, in basically the same way that Dr. Neil Feinberg directed kids in his care to "admit" that they hated Dr. Feinberg and their biological parents who had abused them. As I alluded to above, the first step is to remind the child of the previous abuse they suffered, the second step is to confront the child about it in a provocative way that incites them to anger, and the third step is to use the child's anger against him after it has been verbalized. My father said to me, on numerous occasions, "You think I'm just a big fuckin' asshole." I don't think he even followed it up with "don't you?". I think he just blindly asserted that I think he's an asshole. He would also say "You blame me for all of your problems." This began shortly after I turned 13 years old and began to disagree with him and question him openly. The fact that I had ever criticized him once, was used against me the second time I criticized him, and from that point on, my father built a pyramid out of times that I had rightfully criticized the way he was overreacting to my moderate bouts of misbehavior. My father made sure to turn that moderate behavior into pure hatred, elicit it at will by screaming at me for unreasonable things, and citing the fact that I screamed back, as evidence that I hate him. He made sure that my mother noticed any and all behavior in me which was even slightly objectionable, and at every possible opportunity, he has attempted to convince her that he was correct to discipline me as harshly as he did. Eventually, a few times, I caved, and followed my father's orders, admitting that he is the cause of many of my problems, because of the inordinate amount of control he was continuing to exert over my life at the time. How could I take responsibility for "my" decisions, when he was the one who had the final say on most of those decisions? My father made sure that I had plenty of reasons to hate him. If you can make yourself impossible not to hate, then you will have a very easy time accusing people of hating you, and daring them to admit it. My father made it so normal to be vindictive, growing up, that I now look vindictive when I am actually just rationally concerned about the possibility that my father is going to continue to mistreat me. He has conditioned me to expect so much mistreatment out of him, that I am now surprised whenever he is not screaming at me or assailing me with barrages of lies and denials.

     If the way Neil Feinberg treated children, isn't relatable, then maybe some of my experiences are.
     If you think about it, it's easy to see how Coercive Restraint Therapy could be "watered-down" and passed off as an instruction manual to subject children to such extreme levels of stress, and panic due to unwanted touching, that they submit, and have their wills broken.
     Considering what happened to me as a child and a teen, it's hard to tell whether my father's "disciplinary approach" was "just" extremely harsh, critical, and confrontational parenting, and father developed these bad ideas and habits himself; or whether what he did was so similar to Feinberg's Coercive Restraint Therapy, that he must have learned these "parenting techniques" somewhere.
     Maybe that sounds crazy.

    But that possibility is perhaps not as crazy, as the people who are eager to capitalize on how crazy we look, may want us to think it is.
     That's because this sort of "attachment therapy" extends beyond solely the bounds of Dr. Neil Feinberg, Coercive Restraint Therapy, and the Attachment Center in the Evergreen Psychotherapy College in Evergreen, Colorado.
     Coercive Restraint Therapy is also known as corrective attachment therapy, dyadic synchronous bonding, holding therapy, rage reduction therapy, and Z-therapy. Related forms of therapy include “re-birthing” and “re-birthing breathwork”, developed by Leonard Orr. Another related method is “psychic driving”.
     "Re-birthing breathwork" became controversial after a young girl, Candace Newmaker, was smothered to death with sheets and pillows during one of these “re-birthing breathwork” sessions. These sessions are supposed to simulate the child's birth again, to help form a bond with their parents. Sadly, "stimulating the child's birth again" through "re-birthing breathwork" involves depriving children of air for periods of time. Newmaker vomited and moved her bowels while being suffocated under sheets, contributing to her lack of ability to breathe quality air. She died after being left alone for five minutes, while in the care of unlicensed psychologists Connell Watkins and Julie Ponder, and her "therapeutic foster parents" Brita St. Clair and Jack McDaniel. Newmaker warned the adults, who crushed her body with theirs, that she was going to die, eleven times. To this, Julie Ponder responded "Go ahead, die right now for real. For real." Candace Newmaker was only ten years old when she died.
     http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Candace_Newmaker

     

     It was very shocking to discover this information.
     C.B.S.'s 48 Hours once showed clips of children being rolled up in mats in therapists' offices - almost as if they had just been murdered by the Mafia and were about to be thrown over a bridge - and to think this was passed off as “therapy” for the children just twenty-six years ago! This was in season 8, episode 21, titled "Afraid of Our Children". That episode was broadcast in 1995.
     View the videos linked below, to see what I'm talking about. You can clearly hear some of the children shouting that the adults are hurting them. The adults are in denial, though; they have convinced themselves that, when the child says "you're hurting me", they are simply "re-enacting the past abuse" which they suffered, which they are supposedly now getting over, by laying down screaming while adults compress parts of his body against the floor.
     http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2nhoio
     http://www.instagram.com/p/CGYu9S0l_7J/
     http://www.instagram.com/p/CGYv6bSlMip/
     The particular "therapeutic" technique seen here, is called "re-parenting".
     Insane, isn't it!?


     The medical article linked below, confirms the fear I articulated above; that there is a "type of parenting" associated with Coercive Restraint Therapy, which is recognized by the psychiatric community, and has had an initialization for at least 16 years.
     That "parenting style" is called C.R.T.P., which stands for "Coercive Restraint Therapy".
     http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1681667/

     Presumably, so-called “attachment therapists” - whether licensed or not - taught parents that these "strict" techniques were acceptable, and that the appropriate way to discipline children and to induce bonds with them through direct touching and coercion. It is not.
     The bond which Feinberg is promoting is nothing but a trauma bond. This is not healthy. C.R.T. and C.R.T. Parenting are not therapy, nor are they forms of parenting. They are forms of child abuse, and C.R.T.P. imparts instructions to parents who want to commit acts of child abuse.

     Forced touching normalizes more forced touching, by getting the child accustomed to unwanted touching. Forced touching makes children susceptible to loneliness, and to someone noticing they're lonely (including, possibly, someone who might want to molest or kidnap them).
     This form of “parenting” could have gotten me kidnapped or even killed.
     My father, and the psychiatric community, have obviously failed to recognize the harmful and pervasive nature of Coercive Restraint Therapy and related "therapies".

     Just as a negligent parent will be too negligent to recognize that they've been a negligent parent, you usually have to be actively looking for signs of child abuse, in order to find them.
     That may sound like a lot to ask, but any parent with a sense of morality should understand that protecting children is an honor and a privilege, not a burden.
     If a child is often lonely, cannot relate to others, seems sad or frowns a lot, can't stay happy for a long time, doesn't have a lot of friends, has dark circles around his eyes, touches himself too much, engages in sexual play with friends or pets, or refuses to talk about their problems, then you might want to ask whether your child has been sexually abused.
     Make sure they know the difference between "good touch" and "bad touch", and find out who might have traumatized them.

     Take it from me; child sexual abuse (i.e., molestation) can creep into a family situation so subtly, that even the most attentive of parents will fail to notice. 
     When I was a small child, between the ages of about five and eight, my grandmother would sit me in her lap, and draw a circle on my chest with her finger. She would chant, “Make a round circle, color it purple, somebody... tap, tap, tap!” Then she would tap against my chest repeatedly until I laughed. I did not have any problem with this when she did it.
     However, my father did the same thing to me, shortly after my grandmother began doing it. I remember that my father poked my chest too hard, and that there was something I didn't like about the way he did it.
     I suspect that my father may have gotten ideas about how to molest me and get away with it, by observing my grandmother (my mother's mother) playing with me.

     It is difficult enough to tell whether a child has been sexually abused. Having a calm talk with them - in which other trustworthy adults are present, and you inform the child that they're not in trouble - can do a lot, in terms of getting to the bottom of things.
     Ask the child whether anyone in their life scares them, screams at them, or touches them. Do not ignore red flags, such as the child insisting something bad about a person, which you seem to "know" is not true.
     Children do have wild imaginations sometimes. But a child who is reporting sexual abuse is usually not making it up. That's because of how difficult it would be to make up a story about a sexual encounter, when you have no knowledge of the subject.





Conclusion

     These abuses by psychiatrists and parents are too horrifying, tragic, and sad to bear.
     Psychiatrists, psychologists, parents, and anyone who might become a parent, needs to know this: If your child needs help, listen to what kind of help they are saying they need. Do not, under any circumstances, insist that they need a certain kind of help. You can make gentle suggestions, but do not use pressure or coercion. All people - especially innocent children - have the right to be free from manipulation, intimidation, and aggression, while others are talking to them.
     If children can be intimidated at will - and ordered to scream words of hate at others, at the threat of punishment - then they can be placed in a circumstance in which they cannot be trusted to make sound judgments or tell the truth. That's because Coercive Restraint Therapy, and W.W.A.S.P.S.'s techniques, placed children into states of duress.
     And, in case another reminder is necessary, these were already minor children, whom were therefore already in a state of reduced ability to make sound judgments, and to give consent (by the virtue of their being children).

     To those who might still argue that these techniques may be therapeutic - at least for truly insane and/or violent children who cannot be stopped from harming others - I'll admit that that could be a valid argument.
     The 1992 documentary Child of Rage introduced the world to Beth Thomas, a six-year-old girl who stabbed and sexually abused her little brother. Beth was diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder (R.A.D.).
     http://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/parenting/kids/stunning-transformation-of-beth-thomas-tvs-child-of-rage-psychopath/news-story/2e8658abcd295a768b4d9d8a73845537

     It could be argued that children as violent as Beth, could benefit from some forms of attachment therapy. It's difficult to say, however, which forms. That's because they all seem to involve either unwanted touching, or other potentially traumatizing activities, and even activities that rightfully cause a child to fear for their life. And that is the admitted goal of "re-birthing breathwork" and related therapies. [Note: It's also a goal of "born-again" Christianity, but the extent of that correlation is a different topic for a different article.]
     I wouldn't advise any of the techniques involving unwanted touching, anyway. Not in Beth's case, nor in cases similar to hers.
     That's because, as News.Com.au reported in the article linked above, "It emerged that Beth had grown up neglected, and been sexually abused by her biological father until she was 19 months old."
     Read that again if you have to: "until she was 19 months old." That means she was sexually abused numerous times before the age of just one year and seven months.
     If I had been molested numerous times before the age of two, I would probably be in too severe and constant a state of trauma and panic, to do anything but scream and try to kill things that are smaller than I am.


     When it comes to disciplining children, more child abuse is never the answer. The fact that that has to be stated, should prompt serious concern, about how lax our society has been about children's well-being over the last forty years.
     Places like the Attachment Center, and W.W.A.S.P.S. facilities, must never be allowed to exist in this country. We've done the unethical experimentation with unwanted touching of children as a potential therapy for child abuse. It failed. It doesn't work. It makes things worse.
     If we do not stop subjecting child abuse victims to child abuse, then we will find ourselves drugging people for coming to therapists with drug addiction problems. We will find ourselves drugging victims of abuse and neglect, with the kinds of supposedly "antipsychotic" neurotranquilizing sedatives which are prescribed to juvenile delinquents, when they come forward saying they remember incidents of abuse as children.
     That's all the better for the abusers, as the children will scarcely be able to remember their childhoods, when they're struggling to speak and think clearly, due to negative side effects associated with Abilify and other drugs.
     In fact, that has already begun.

     I feel another article coming on...

Written and Published on March 10th, 2021
Edited and Expanded on March 11th, 2021

Contains excerpts of articles originally written in February 2021

Using Schizophrenia as a Powerful Creative and Introspective Tool

          The full title of this piece is “Using Schizophrenia as a Powerful Creative and Introspective Tool: On the Auto-Induction of Delusionary Thought Processes as a Method of Psychological, Emotional, Spiritual, and Fiduciary Self-Evaluation”.

Trigger Warning:

          This article may be triggering to some people.

          But to make a sigil-currency omelette, you've got to break a few legs. This is to say that it will be necessary to trigger oneself; this will help to recover lost and suppressed memories.

          You must allow yourself to go so beautifully insane that your insanity heals your personality disorders. You must embrace the positive aspects of these disorders (which make you special and unique), and you must utilize them, in order to hone your deductive and intuitive skills (whether magickal or emotional), and to improve what I call your “Cognitive Discord”. Never tear down a delusion if it also happens to be one of your wildest dreams.

          Fortunately, the spiritual, mental, and emotional benefits of these practices far outweigh the detriments, and the rewards brought to bear by the alternatives. But that's what happens when you fix weights and measures without considering the Stone Price (YIC) and the Flesh Price (TBD).

          So take heed, for there are many risks to consider before getting engaged in such an Alchymical Wedding.

          First, a joke: What does occult magick have in common with economics under hoarding and scarcity? They both require and call for sacrifice! I mean, they don't call money the lifeblood of the economy for no reason.

          Another joke: What do the Moon and the Dollar(TM) have in common? They both have four quarters! That, and they form a Blood Mooney Coalition, which I believe is destined to unseat the Petrodollar-Weapondollar Coalition, to keep the USD strong against the moonetary crypto-unit which is known (on the Chinese Dark Web) as the Moon-Yuan. Still, it takes a Moon-Yuan to know Yuan!

That's why, before constructing (really, minting), your new sigil-currency, it will first be necessary to turn oneself over to The Void; that spectre of spectres, the void of impermanence which, from Planck's Constant to bak'tun, assails us all.

          For, at once, it were necessary to learn the Intrinsic Arcane (the ancient symbols written upon our amygdalas); rig thrombosis adrenal, and gallivant, tryptamine-aware, into the ever-self-propelling and self-proliferating Process (Durga). Aum.

          Phase One is, of course, proper Self-Medication. That is, drug yourself.

          Step Pa: Smoke a lot of dope. That is, buy a lot of dope, and smoke it. Literally, put that in your pipe and smoke it! So say the ancient symbols.

          Step Veh: Drink as much coffee as possible. Research suggests that drinking black coffee aids in inducing schizophrenia. [Silent, emphatic, pleading, suggestive, wild shrugs] Use that.

          Step Ged: Gather up some of your rings and coins and trinkets, take them to a warlock, and spend them on some garlic garlands, cayenne pepper, and time. Bring it all back home and snort that shit.

          Step Gal: Your dope dealer probably smokes crank. Don't smoke meth; recall what the billboards say (“Not even twice”). Instead, absorb some second-hand fumes cutaneously. This will ensure that Shakespeare & Kepler's kaleidoscopic speculum-vortex will be firmly implanted into your frontal cortex. Put a vortex in your cortex. This will be necessary for the proceeding (preceding?) ceremonies.

          Step Or: Find a way to huff glue “accidentally”. Fix your glasses with super glue, and just let it dry on your face, while you breathe in the fumes “unknowingly”. Don't have glasses? Well, you still have a pineal gland. Get a shamanic monocle (or sha-monocle), and glue it up.

          Step Un: Freebase cookies (not literally; just table salt and brown sugar). It turns time backwards. It's hard to overestimate how useful this can make things.

          Though the majority of the drugging is complete, Thisbe but the first phase of your drugging; more will come later.

          Now, on to Phase Two: Spells, Incantations, and Rituals.

          Step Graph: Cast spells, and spell words upside-down and shit.

          Cast whatever spells on your landperson (or your Landlord Jesus^TM, whatever the case). Do whatever is necessary to ward them off (Montgomery Ward's), and filibuster their inquisitions with your incantations. Call her Lambchop and tell her to go away because she has no power here. Do a goddamn thing for the Empire.

          Inform the building manager (assuming you don't live in a ditch, hut, hogan, or cooperative housing yurt) that, although if you remove an “a” from “manager”, you get “manger”; if you add an “l” to “manger”, you get “mangler”. This will freak them out, and show them that to be a tenant is to be Led like a lamb to the slaughter.

          I mean, seriously! I need to burn incense and candles in my adobe abode, but the building codes forbode it. People can be so afraid of a little fire sometimes. The trees like to get lit just as much as we do, people! Who has an Eostre without fire?

          Step Tal: Isolate yourself.

          Trigger and incite yourself. Doubt every thought you have, and question why you are thinking the way you are. But also question whatever motivates you to question yourself thusly.

          This will imbue you with the kind of Cognitive Discord (not to be confused with cognitive dissonance) which is necessary to comprehend the resplendent inanity that is the incoherent logick of Discordian thought.

          Go to a Zen session. Be foolish enough to interrupt someone. Do their little corporate retreat team-building exercise at the Wall; just don't spoil the esoteric surprise for yourself by learning about the Trappists beforehand.

          Step Gon: Figure out how to remove, re-install, replace, and fix, the locks (or lox) to all the doors and windows in your dwelling.

          Think on this question: What is the key to your core (coeur)?. Where is your true home; In which Temple are your true souls housed? Whatever the House, whatever its Key, that will be your sigil; will be your currency.

          Remember, as you live, your home is your Pyramid. And, as you live and die (in your cold, shitty apartment), it becomes your mausoleum, just as the Pyramus intended.

          And so, you must protect it; by warding off snakes, loan-sharks, and loan-snakes, those fraudulent u-serping u-serpents which plagued Egypt so long from now. They are that Genetic beast crawling on its belly, that squelcher of the dreams of our immortality once had by our feathren, Brother-Men, and Whethermen. Praise Imhotep, Lord Abbie of the Abbey, and the Dual Hoffman of psychopomp and circumstance.

          Step Gon·: Smell is the most powerful sense tied to memory. Seal every crack and crevice of the exits and entrances to your abode; windows, vents, and all. Because who doesn't love a good Caesarion section? Caesar's wife and her best friend Sam knew as well as anyone that the gods don't close a door without opening a Window. That ought to explain it all.

          Use duct tape and other sealants (feel free to huff them) to create an impermeable membrane between your cloister and What Lies Beyond. This will protect your neighbors from any Hellfire^TM which Issues from without your abode.

          To be The Catacombs is to be human; it is to be a Library of Alexandria of dead books, seeking One to read them. As Blake explained: to inquire of God is to ask of God. Theology is prayer.

          Step Na: Seek relief from the thunderous, paralyzing silence. “Play some Zeppelin, for God's sake”, as Sir Patton Oswalt (Emperor of YouTube, and the Conspirator who shot the General) imparted to us.

          Unfortunately in this case, life imitates art, so you are denied “Stairway”. However, “All My Love” serves as a delightful accompaniment to finding a metal hook on your Wall suitable for positioning a delicate crystalline lamp (LamBam) which would ordinarily belong on a desk-top.

          Ritual object magick is 10% inspiration and 90% Feng Shui.

          Step Ur: Now that your first incantation has been selected, build a soundtrack to accompany your spell-building and spellbinding. This is the soundtrack by which you are to captivate and fascinate your audience. Don't be afraid to go the extra mile, by literally taking the audience captive.

          Select a book of chansons; they can be either original works, or covers. Just keep in mind that an album of covers has two more covers than it lets on (that is, the back cover and the front cover).

          But however you fashion that you'll fascinate your audience (The Voices), you must fashion also spells. Encapsulate them within the binding of your spell-book (preferably one of human flesh, as we have disgust). And, praise Eminem, you know what this must mean; this is the only binding which is truly binding.

          You must bind The Book the same way The Covenant binds you.

          Step Mals: Isolate yourself. Deprive yourself of everything you once loved; friends, lovers, family, all social interaction. Join a cult if you have to (but don't just join a cult; be The Cult, be The Hidden).

          Deprive yourself of your hobbies, freedoms, possessions; even nutrition, heat, and ventilation. Cut out all indulgences and guilty pleasures, especially if you can't afford them. Deprive yourself of adequate nutrition now, in order to be able to afford good nutrition later! That's just the way you have to think and prioritize for the long-term; after all, you're immortal (or at least eternal, it's your Call).

Denying yourself everything you hold dear will, of course, aid in inducing the depressive state which is necessary to invoke the spirits which dwell within, out-into the world of Māya. That is, I mean, if you insist on being a materialist like that. “Beware of Māya”, so sayeth Jáyaraj. But after all, these deprived and depraved rituals are what's necessary to live an ascetic (not to be confused with A E S T H E T I C) lifestyle. Right?

          Until you sit atop the Earth, until you sit in the Master's chair, you won't understand that all the value of the Universe is literally in your hands. You cannot fully comprehend until you reflect upon what it verily means to stand-under; to under-stand the Heavens. Just as you charge a sigil the same way you charge a purchase, your assets cannot financially appreciate until you learn to intellectually appreciate.

          But you keep forgetting; the Master's chair is your chair to begin with, just as Don Yuan subliminally and repeatedly suggested to Carlos. A good church is one that keeps the Throne open for Christ, and good synagogue is one that keeps a seat saved for Elijah. Just as a good opera saves a seat for Emperor Norton, your dwelling saves always a seat for you. Do not take it for granted.

          To understand this is to see the Sky for the first time, despite having looked up so many times before, praise Bob.

          Step Ger: Search for other things - besides your incantation soundtrack and your gematric Economicon - by which to pretend (and portend) to bind yourself to your audience. Once all is within you, you need no longer fear the ill effects of looking outside of yourself for fulfillment. All is One.

          Put clothespins all over yourself. Fingers, ears, eyes, nose, whatever dangles from ya. Put one on your tongue and try to make a lamb noise. Speak all sorts of tongues; this is the true Song of Songs.

          It is in this lamby Silence – after the Initiate has already, by oneself, initiated the sacred creative process – that the mind acquires a certain stillness; that Pallas Muse and Oracle make their apparitions, and begin to take possession of the Artist (without laying any claim to His Work).

          To put a clamp on your tongue is to bind your Flesh to your Word. Let this clamp be as your Fasces.

           Chasten, don't hasten.

          Step Drux: Be so quiet, and so still...

           Listen for a voice coming from behind your left shoulder, or look for a vision in red coming from ahead and to the left. This is not some J.F.K. assassination shit I'm talking about here; this is just standard chaos ritual, the kind any ordinary witch-daemon will tell you about.

          If you need to verify this, read your Crowley... just not before, and not after, reading yourself.

Everybody look at your hands; I need You to really hear this.

          Step Pal: Make The Deal^TM.

          Read a bunch of WebMD. Give yourself Munchhausen's Syndrome. Start saving your blood, and all of your humours (your precious bodily fluids). Donate the vast majority of them to Commodity Fetish Records. Remember, it's not a blood sacrifice, it's a voluntary blood donation. And anything that you can describe as “voluntary” can't be harmful! (Disclaimer: If nobody volunteers, then a volunteer will be chosen at random from the audience.)

          Keep some of your humours (and your tumours) saved somewhere, in case a couple come to your window with a dog, demanding a sacrifice. Study up for this inevitable event by reading some David Berkowitz (a/k/a Dr. Doolittle).

          To Make The Deal (hadith), get your blanket out. You know the one, Linus; that one with the royal red of the Second Coming on one side, and the white veil - the Shroud of purity and holiness - on the other. Place it onto the dog, red side up. This either crowns the dog the Red Devil, or else Christ the Blood-Covered King. It's actually impossible to know.

          That is, until eleven years later, when that couple you hosted who conceived that night, birth the Antichrist Jesús, the Invincible Invisible Muscle Car; the Susej-Jesus, that flying soothsaying sausage on a saucer from beyond the Lamb's Head Nebula. Yea, for Muscle-Car Jesus was laid upon the Cross, affixed to it with the bolts of a million sinners who bolted from Mother Church; and crucified onto the psyche of the American automobile-purchasing consumer public. This is why most car companies and dealerships are named after star systems, praise Ford (fnord).

          When all of this is over - whether you've found the serial killers or not – let people point guns at you. Don't even ask whether they're loaded, because, honestly, like you give a shit. Next, do whatever. Show up at work the next day like nothing happened.

          Step Med: Now that The Deal^TM has been made, construct the corresponding iconography. To be clear, this is a pre-currency-crafting sigil-building session.

          Write down whatever comes into your head. You know how there's a Book of Numbers in the Bible? Add a Book of Letters, or perhaps a Book of Names. Turn an English Bible around 180°, pretend it's in Hebrew, and try to read it. It's like the good people at Klutz Books explain; nearly every letter (not just p, q, b, and d) can be turned upside-down into another letter. I mean, you might have to un-capitalize it, but fortunately for us, Brother Marx has already explained this un-capitalizing process in full detail.

          Once the iconography is “architected” (as the Trumpeters say), and your self-constructed symbolic gematria tables (replete with onion-like layers of meaning) are complete, communicate it to whomever you feel appropriate. This will not be easy at first, but with practice, it will save your skin. And your imagination is the only limit as to how you might put that skin to good use.

But, of course, demonic possession is nine-tenths of The Law.

          Step Don: Engage in self-harm.

          Now that all the occult ritual infrastructure is in place - and you've sat down in a cardboard box facing southwest, and stood up to find yourself leaning sideways in one of those wacky-house tourist-traps somewhere in rural Wisconsin - pick out a good seventeen-minute song (it should already be part of your incantation playlist), and play “The Knife Game” along to the beat. Don't worry if you fail to stab yourself on the first play; you'll get better with Practice.

          Next, go somewhere where there's construction, and grab one of those thin white hard plastic poles that they stick into the ground. Walk around downtown, unapologetically whip yourself in the face and The Shins with it, and smoke J's. Your night will be over when you see Wayne Coyne talking to a Pakistani mystic who secretly used to be your T.A..

          This all goes to show that some experiences are universal.

          Step Ceph: Continue to self-harm.

          You know how I told you to smoke a lot of dope? And how you've been walking around toking fat doinks in front of everybody? And shouting at the mounted police “Hey, one if by land, two if by sea, motherfucker!”? Well, check this out: Put lit joints out on your forehead. Right above the bridge of your nose; between your Temples, in front of your pioneer gland. If that doesn't help decalcify things, then Nothing Will!

          You may experience a slight (that is, life-long) scarring sensation; a permanent burn Mark. But apostate Catholics have been putting joints out on their faces for Lent for millennia; there's no reason why you shouldn't do it too. After all, does it not say in The Book that the Second Coming and the End Times (not to be confused with American Babylon: End Times) is heralded by the Mark appearing on the right hand or forehead? (Revelation 13:16) And are Marks from self-harm not commonly found on the wrists?

          This is the Book of Mark incarnate; it happens to the best of us. The One who bears this Mark is the One who has True Value in his hardware; a true Profit. This Mark is the Talisman. The Power and the Will to acknowledge this Mark is the Shibboleth; that by witch we are to distinguish the Parishioners from the Apparitioners.

          He who Will not recognize the Talisman is no proper bearer of The Message. In such a case, it is entirely appropriate to shoot The Messenger.

           Step Van: Go outside (if you don't already live outside), and look for Adam and Eve. They are in your neighborhood.

           Recall the Roman rule of 150; every person, real or fictional (or legendary, or mythic), is an avatar of one of 150 Eternal personalities. They manifest themselves as the some seven billion living, as well as all of the dead and their many geists. Just as He will come if you invite Him in - just as it will come if you build it - if you go looking for them, you will find them. Blessed are the Seek.

           Invite a total stranger into your home. Figure out which saint he is, make sure he isn't dead or undead, and ask him to help you pick out an interior decorating scheme. Lay down a line; not one of cocaine, but one of stockings on the floor; in a line perpendicular to Mecca. But do it without painting yourself into a corner. This will help establish boundaries.

           Let the saint drug you against your will. Let him tie or tape you down if necessary. Inform him that, in exchange for imparting the jewels of arcane wisdom, he is obligated to steal one item from you. Finally, cease contact.

           Step Fam: Next, you must allow yourself to go so gloriously insane, that your delusions begin to possess an almost nightmarish beauty. If you can manage to go insane enough, you can actually come out the other side. You have to work through the insanity to get to the chewy sane center.

          Just as there's no wrong way to eat a Reese's, there's no wrong way to drive yourself mad (yes, the same way you would drive a car). Give yourself Capgras delusion, or Fregoli delusion (really, it's taster's choice). Implant false memories in your own mind. Give yourself paranoid delusions, but also pronoid delusions. Finally, mix it all together in a cauldron with a dash of Protagonist Syndrome, to make a nice bouillabaisse of Dissociative Identity Disorder.

          How? Hang out with people who have those disorders, and believe everything they say wholeheartedly. Believe their delusions even more faithfully than they do. As long as you can “relieve the stigmata” of mental illness, and avoid diminishing its seriousness, this will allow you to better empathize with others. Don't forget: mental illnesses are communicable.

          But just as Kohan explained about “how the light gets in”, once you let someone inside of you, you don't need to try to understand them and relate to them; you already are them! Want to write a story or an incantation from the perspective of somebody else, but can't get inside their head? Boom! You're already all up in there!

           It's like Roger said: it's just a little pin-prick. Thus, the task of understanding others becomes no more difficult than trying to understand ourselves (ha!)

          But once you see yourself standing atop this whirling planet – and see yourself from above and without, as if peering-in from outside, yet, at once, from within, the Universe, and even from the vantage-point of a god - you see yourself spinning as the planet. You see your pierced twin-souls, spinning, and revolving around one-another, like two puppies cozying into bed on a cold Solstice morn; or like a binary star system, its atomic mechanizations fueling your very physical being.

          You begin to see the Great Spirit as one which pervades you, others, itself, and all; and that each of us, in the midst of our spiritual quandary (again, prayer), is but a giant space-termite, nibbling away at the desiccating tree branches which, like streaks of heated gas, connect our galaxy's Roots (shoreshim) to the Branches (zemachim) in the Heavens. Which one is the netzer, we cannot know until Olam Ha-Ba.

           So too do you see that this ancient connection may be restored, if only the ancient symbols may once again manifest in the mind of a living mortal. You shan't refuse the call, but you must know when the time is right. Remember, time is mooney.

           Step Gisg: You know that Zen retreat I mentioned earlier? Accidentally walk past it on your way up a mountain. If you get to the top by midnight, and the moon is at its absolute fullest, then you're going to meet Björk, and solve that cryptic math-rock mashup riddle that you thought was the True Name of YHVH.

           It may sound crazy but like I've explained, the firmness and fervency of your belief makes it what Terence McKenna calls “true enough”. As above, so below. I mean, if Björk figured out the name of G-d before you, what makes you think you're going to Say Anything that'll pry the Word of G-d from Moses's dead hands?

           By now, you ought to have successfully induced psychosis. If not, change your drug regimen around and try again.

           But whatever you do, by all means, over-analyze the meaning of every word spoken around you. Even the tweets of birds, whether real or recorded. Over-analyze the meaning of every sound you hear. Even if they're not directed at you, know that the dark humour of the Universe, and the entropic irony of the cosmos, dictate that, ultimately, everything you hear is about you, regardless. Your inaction or silence cannot excuse you from joining The Dance or singing The Song.

           To get swept up in The Way is like watching Dancer in the Dark. It's like Bill meant to say; all the world is a (sound)stage. Like when you're tripping, and the Walls are breathing at you? Only the Trappists know why the Walls do this; only the Trappists hear at full volume what they have to say. They are the Root of the illusory Separation.

           To study the Word is to pray. To Know Her is to Love Her. To love God is to love oneself. And, as biochemists have proven, to fall in love is to go insane. And so, to know God, you must drive yourself so hopelessly mad that magick is all you can do. It's just like Howard told us; “first, you've got to get mad”. As within, so besides.

           It's like The Body said; “You can't make a Gypsy anthill omelette without breaking one of your eggs over an anthill, you can't put the egg before the horse if the chicken came before the egg, and you can't put Descartes before day-horse without giving yourself a night-mare, and invoking the Pale Horse and his fellow Horsemen. Heed the Mark, for Harvey Milk does The Body Good.

           Follow the examples set by Newton and Jung; scientists who realized that their research was no longer relevant, unless and until they were to dive into the realm of the collective subconscious, rescue the ancient symbols from Goddess Psyche, and set the gematria tables for a McKennan fish-dinner picnic on the noetic shore.

           Ain't nothin' to it but to do it. That, and to self-trigger, in order to catapult oneself into the face of God.

           Everything bad you've ever done will last forever. Everything mean you've ever said is being permanently recorded onto a giant straightened paperclip-wire in the middle of the galaxy, which is being fed on by a giant space-chicken at the Edge of the Universe.

           This bird-headed One (whom the ancients referred to as Osiris) reads every bad deed to its own duplicitous anima (St.-Peter-as-Maat), and weighs our sins against one of its own feathers. This is Judgment; this is the Reckoning (or, at least, I reckon).

           Every male you've ever met is God, every female you've ever met is Mary, and everyone else is the Holey BeJesus. Yes, every sin you've ever committed was committed against the Holy Family itself. So take care, and best of luck!

           You're losing it, I can tell. And that can only mean one thing: You are now just about ready to construct your sigil.

           Its shape should resemble that famed Sisyphian object; that incarnate single-fingered Glove of Love worn by Doubting Thomas but for Eternity Infinitesimal.

           That is; the shape of your sigil must represent the value of its currency.

           All is for nought. 1=0. Ave Chao.

           Ave Meyers.

This has been a (semi-) satirical piece.

Dictated on November 3^rd, 2017

Transcribed, Edited, and Expanded on November 5^th, 2017

Edited and Expanded on November 13^th through 15^th, 2017
Edited on May 2nd, 2018
Edited on January 17th, 2018