Crafting and Charging Your Sigil-Currency: How to Put Your Money to Work for You

     As Eisenhower chided (chode?), “The world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children.” General Patton, too, remarked that “A pint of sweat will save a gallon of blood.” In Biblical times, a talent (or kikkār) was a measurement of a particularly-sized disk-shaped loaf, made of gold or silver; the monetary equivalent of twenty years' wages.

     These facts ought to show that the use of talent, genius, hopes, and dreams as a way of backing currency, are already widely accepted. This, and the existence of an e-currency called SweatCoin, ought to show that sweat is accepted just as widely, if not more. Additionally, the U.S. Federal Reserve has set the standard; a currency with no human fluids on it will not survive in today's fast-paced currency seller's market. That is why we must forge a currency of sweat.

     However, a document covered in sweat can serve as a fine substitute. There's no way to perfectly imitate that head-swelling, confidence-instilling feeling - like the feeling of some cleansing flu coming on - of that most coveted and elusive of currencies; Man. But what better way to counterfeit the witchy of the itchy and the sticky of the icky of the way humons feel, than by smearing your moneys with human transmission fluid?

     Get high off of your money. If you can't get V.D. from your money, then You're Not Doing It Right^TM. If you've no blood nor sweat to spare, then as the saying goes: You'd better get busy crying, or get busy scrying.

     If the value of a money comes from its shine, then where doth its value lay? Hark!, where, when the paternal, miserly Sun hides from mere mortals for fear of his mistress Luna, as if She were some attention-starved solar-powered vehicle (just as fair Gaia)? We may only know by using the very Sun as our astrolabe – and probably as our ass too, if you ask Georges Bataille – that is, by using the Sun itself as our sundial and timepiece.

     Would that I could but snatch the Sun and Moon out the very Heavens for thee, and gift them to you as currencies, untaxable by the gods. But the best I can do is write these Letters. For the Sun and Moon are round yet flat; just like the Earth, coins, and our callous hearts. Amun RaShi'Amun Rocks.

     Through replacing the money in our pockets with miniature sundials, our currency will stay current, and we will be all paid-up on our phone bill to G-d. We can even dial-up the Messiah, to hear The Message, and the ephemeral Operator will inform us of the True Cosmic Time. Then we can finally find out whether Jesus was trying to tell us it was 2:45, 3:45, 8:15, or 9:15. I mean, Christ on a clock!

     Yea, for a Solstice has come to pass! To watch the seasons, and Sun and Moon, is to gently rock the cradle of civilization, to push the perambulator of progress, to tend the Garden of the stationary Church-house-wife. It is the cosanguine Nile of the suburbs. That is why we may no Know-Religion until we know No-Religion. And only through the No-Religion may we practice the All-Religion, the Night-Religion, and the Day-Religion of Duty, and deliver our End of the Covenant.

     So it was that those who had come to bask in the warmth of the Son had also come to call it their god, and rely on it. Just as it was hours later, when their god deserted them; mocking them, laying them bare, cool and dry, vulnerable to the stare of the (K)night-King.

     But Lo!, for a second light – a lesser Light - did govern the Sky, during fearsome Night! The people rejoiced, gave thanks for this grace, and took heart. They trusted their Moon-Goddess; she governed the Heavens so as to make the very trains run on time! Truly She were a goddess to whom mortals could set their watches, and even their calendars!

     But this mild, innocuous Lunacy grew feverish, bringing Discord. And what Luna see, Luna do. They feared the Son would never return. Some began to believe they didn't need Him. Moon-tanning boomed as an industry. The vampires' unions went too far and then got complacent. Bad times were had by all.

     But the Morn broke nevertheless, and the Lord of Light scalded dry the winter-parched faces of the Draculistic Moonites with the sight of the unforgiving day. This was the same chasmed flesh which had once worn dry as caked desert mud from haloed Luna-C's glowering glow; halo-lujah.

     Fuckin' way she goes; same shit, different millennium. For to God, every day is like a thousand fears. ...Here's to another 365 of those shits.

     But after but after but; this is the nature of the koan. Forsooth, I like big buts, and I cannot lie; to lie is to call the Eternal But anything but samsara. It is to make it the but of the joke. For Our Lord Kurt Cobain, of the Holy Trinity of Nirvana, freed us from the cycle of what the Buddha termed the Cycle of Buts. This is what is truly meant by “Get thee behind me, Satan!”. No amount of Time, nor The Waiting, can free us from the Eternal But. If it can, then it is not the Eternal But.

     But that is the Nature of Time; we don't have Time to talk about Time. Time may be money, but as Tha Boi warned us, “Time won't give me time, and time makes lovers feel like they've got something real”. And if time won't give you time, then it's no better than a money that doesn't make you more money while you're sleeping.

     The Black Hole Son can only redeem us (for value) insofar as He can symbolically store our value. If Time is at all fleeting - and it is - then time and permanence cannot be rightfully described as countrymen, thus serving as a store of value in any real sense proves difficult. But through conquering the Word - and defeating the demonic, time-stealing scoundrel Hypnos - this dissonant disconnect between Time and Value can be bridged, transcended, and overcome.

     This Letter is about making a sigil. A sigil for your vigil.

     That I may lead you, the reading novice magick practitioner, out of the sweat-shop and into the Light, so that you may pick the Golden Rays from the very Air.

     This is about how to create your sigil, and how to craft it into a sigil-based currency. Moreover, how to charge it; the same way you charge a credit card, or charge an innocent god with a crime He didn't commit. Only then may we conduct this Alchymical Wedding between Spirit and Flesh (the same way you would conduct lightning to yourself, or an orchestra. Or conduct an orchestra).

     The task before us is to transmute mercury into gold; to get blood from stone. And remember, blood is mostly water, so if Moses got water from a stone, then blood isn't a far Leap away. If Moe can do it, yo can do it. It's right there in his name: “Moe's us!”

     That's right, all your months of hard work are about to pay off! Collecting these instructions, ritualistically inducing trance states so as to emit ecstatic glossolalia, generating letter after word after symbol after emoji after cryptogram after codex after sigil after seal after amulet after talisman after primordial language after ancient number that nobody's ever heard of, while a bunch of clothespins hang off of your dangly bits.

     Did you forget to do that? Oh. Well, I did mention to get a job as part of all this? No? ...Actually, that's perfect, you have nothing to work with. Just as Socrates was a genius because he admitted he knew nothing, so too must the fabrication of a Faberge egg begin with its negation; through piercing. This ain't the Seven Dolours of Mary here, it's just like getting your hand pierced. And as it may as well have said in 1 Timothy 2:9: “You can't be beautiful until somebody pokes a hole in you.”

     Look away, and think on this: Piercing the one creates a zero within it. How many zeroes? One. As zero is defined self-antithetically as the absence of value or number, it is both a number and not a number. How many numbers is it? One. But how many numbers isn't it? All of them. This is the nature of non-Euclidean hyper-numeric out-forming.

     This principle is best symbolized by Sisyphus (1) pushing Ouroboros (0) up a hill. The self-completion of Nothingness gives rise to the One, to raise it. All positive and negative value comes from within or without the 0. This is what the Kingdom of God is like.

     Yes, that's right; act now, for the Black Hole Son is the demiurgic furnace of Creation; that supercollider of supercolliders, the Lord's personal microwave, from which the All-Yet-What-It-Is-Ness and the Not-But-What-It-Do-Ness spewluminate and spewmerge from the Hotness of the Notness. This is why the knowledge that A does not equal A, is the fountain pen of all Objective^TM Human No-Ledge. For there is (k)No(w)Ledge Beyond the Edge.

     That's why lack of a ledge to stand on is a desirable quality to possess. For even if the sigils you manifested were too hardcore to translate into English – much less millions in domain names profits – then the only real portfolio you need is within your own mind; it is your Memories. While the First Rule of Sigil Money is that You've^TM Got^TM a^TM Portfolio^TM to^TM Maintain^TM, there is dispute over whether “There is No Second Rule of Sigil Money” in fact constitutes a second rule. But this should not come as unexpected, for in the very same way that 2 emerges from 1, so does 1 emerge from 0, and vice-versa. It's kind of like removing a square peg from a round slot.

     This is to say that you can't get into Heaven unless you can fit through Jesus's ribcage wound to get inside of it. And that hole wouldn't be whole if some asshole centurion hadn't gone and done a damn thing, and Doubting Thomas hadn't stopped by to open-up old zounds. Above all, it's harder to thread the Hole to Heaven if you have a plank in your own eye that prevents you from pointing our the camel in the eye of the needle. Basically, the more valuable and precious the memories you've stored in your mind, the more Value® you can sneak into Heaven.

     Though ye may lack possessions, ye still have some number of sword and cup. I mean, whether getting rid of all your possessions will get you into Heaven or not, then if you are getting in, then whatever is inside you is also getting in. Eh? Eh? So why not swallow a couple'a cigarette packs? Where there's clouds, there's cigarettes. Why not turn yourself into a drug mule while you're at it? What, do you think there's nobody in Heaven who likes drugs!? This is how you can raise your Value® without weighing yourself down spiritually. Make yourself use-full!

     As you'll recall from earlier, the hole in the donut signifies the debt which is built into the dollar. Money is weighted with debt - so as to anchor it to Gaia, lest it dash adventurously off to reach the lofty Spheres – and in order to inculcate into the bill an imperative to spend. In this manner shall we rein spending Power into our own sigils, like St. Nicholas herding reindeer with his Lightning Command of the Word. As money now commands us to spend it, so shall we soon command it to spend itself; through seduction.

      The value of Money (that is, money as we know it) cannot be acquired without spending; this discharges the debt, allowing the spender to redeem the interest (that is, the cost of using money which he incurred in choosing that currency in particular). Basically, money is only useful once you Get Rid of It^TM. Just like a god.

     Also, conveniently, just like a sigil. If you want to truly keep something, then you must spiritually possess it, by preparing to let it go. If it comes back to you, then it was meant to be. Only then may you buy your future back through the flames. As has been said, “You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone”; just like the manna in which golf is scored, the value of possessing a sigil-currency lies in its non-possession. One year you won't want to be caught without money, the next you won't want to be caught with it. You won't know until it's All-Too-Not-Just-Late-Enough.^TM

     The less you have, the closer to Zero you are, the more you appreciate what you do have. This is what it means to live by God's grace, to live in God's hands. To do this is to manifest financial appreciation through acts of intellectual and emotional appreciation. As each of ye bead a precious jewel with innumerable facets, different yet equal in the unparallelable uniqueness which knows no degree but only absolute. Thus, uniqueness – your Unique, at that - may never be diminished nor demeaned.

     Verily I say unto thee: by the time this is over, you will see the Kingdom of God with your own eyes. More importantly, you will have learned to not trap, but catch your intentions, uponto your sigil, without nailing it down and accidentally killing it. This will allow you to practice what we shall call the Entomology of the Word, so that you may treat the flowers as Osho besought.

     Even if you can only do it as part of a simulation, living near Zero - at the edge of nothingness and annihilation - is the only way to gain the perspective necessary to understand that mankind must create a currency whose value is inversely proportionate to the level of human suffering which caused it.
     To paraphrase Matthew 5:3-6, the squeaky wheel gets the grease, and getting hurt is a sure way to get people to pay attention to you. To do this is to “make yourself scarce”; so rare that you nearly fade-away into Nothing^TM, and your value's wave-function collapses into a shit-line. But fear not; if you strike yourself down, you shall become more valuable than you can possibly imagine.

     Just as you can claim a flower - without picking it, nor killing it – by uprooting it, so too can you obtain the humour of your choice, and transfer it onto the document that will wield your sigil. (Note: humours are herein referred to as both Flesh and Spiritus, not to be confused with Spirit.) However, you will not be trapping spiritual powers, nor intentions, nor fluids; but catching them, as you would a dream with a dream-catcher.

     This document you use may be of paper, papyrus, vellum, parchment, buck-skin, Charlie Manskin, or a grimoire made of human flesh. Use whatever's handy. Even literally; use your own hand if nothing else is available. After all, as Mr. Wright noted, it's easier to read someone's palms if there's something already written on them.

     Your goal will be to keep record of significance, and a souvenir of your illusory physical body (ectoplasm), with - and on - this codex. This will allow you to delicately “capture” the spiritual union of Spirit with Flesh, but not in the same way that every time you nail something into the ground, you're driving a nail through the Body of Christ, and preventing both Jubilee and the Second Coming. This way is less painful (depending on who you ask).

     Additionally, you must lay a trap for Fire; so that it may act as your Servant, rather than your Serpent. Fire, as students of Richard Feynman will attest, is a kind of spiritual lightning, which mortals refer to as “electricity”. Once you have trapped your fluids with your sigil, the fluids (spirits) become your prisoners, and begin to go to work inside your money, to make more money for you. The walls of this numismatic prison insulate the economy against all designs of electric and economic shock; from Nixon Shock, to China Shock, to the risk of e-Weapondollar Shock (posed by mounting speculation in 3-D-printed-handgun-backed currencies).

     That's why lighting your humour-moistened sigil-currency with Holy Fire - “charging your sigil” - results in a sticky electrical discharge that's nearly as delicious and refreshing as what Natasha spells backwards. Lick your sigil while you're at it, there's no sense in wasting good saliva. More saliva donations to the Fire is more saliva donations to Commodity Fetish Records.

     Licking the sigil, just as well, serves to Mark it as yours; this is termed “Homesteading by the Tongue”. You may recall this property-claiming process from your youth. If you lick it, it becomes not just yours, but a part of you, because it's covered in your Flesh.

     To set your Spiritus-meshed Mooney ablaze with Light, is to literally electrocute the Money-Moon-Men inside of it, by the Thunder of Zeus! Again, just like a credit card. Once it's your property, you can do anything you want with it; trade it away, burn it, eat it in order to gain its power, even destroy it by selling it to the Fire.

     These rituals - exposed to the open Air, and uniting Handwater with Meat, Will, and Fury - alone ensure the Union of the four classical elements Fire, Earth, Air, and Water. A voodoo monetary theory which does not accept this Union as essential to the creation of value, does not comprehend the true natural law of moonetary exchange. The Union of Flesh with Spirit and Word, and Faith with Works, and Time with Money and Moon, the same.

     The good people at Commodity Fetish Records believe in your True Value, that it would be impossible to calculate your value; that you are invaluable. That's why we're proud to offer a generous commensurate sum of a whopping Zero® Economic Units for your donations! (Disclaimer: We will be testing your emissions for drugs. Just like your Boss, Cool Guy Satan^TM takes only the purest, least adulterated samples.)

     Once you've chosen which fluid or fluids you will apply to your sigil – be it spit, sweat, urine, ass-milk, or handwater (that's “blood” to the layman) – you will be prepared to transmute the humours of your tumours from-within-out-onto the parchment.

     But prior to applying Spiritus, you must make your sigil manifest. Draw a simple design – this could be anything; an assortment of lines and curves, a doodle, a flag, a crest or coat of arms, an established magickal amulet or talisman, really anything – and think of it as a symbol or logo. Next, assign it a meaning, and telekinetically imbue it with your intentions. Stop just short of inflicting your Will upon it; save that for human beings.

     With your mind's eye, give the symbol a meaning that represents what you wish to manifest; this could be a simple task with which you need spiritual assistance, or as high-minded as your wildest hopes and dreams. Visualize yourself surrendering what you lack, in order to lose something negative, in order to make gains (say it with me... Chris Gaines). Simply put, let go of what is holding you back, so sayeth the Emperor. This is how you make trades while staying out of both the red and the black; praise Eleggua, fuck Vegas.

     Meditate upon the symbol, and upon the meaning you have projected onto it. As best you can, memorize the shape of what you have drawn. Release your physical attachment to the document (now made Spirit-Flesh), while simultaneously pretending to, and pretending not to, release spiritual attachment. Having prepared to let go of the sigil-currency – and, with it, physical and symbolic parts of yourself – you may now feed your Spirit-Flesh to the Fire (yourself or the document, there's really no wrong choice here).

     What do I do for a living? It doesn't matter. What's important is that I make money. Whatever my job looks like it is, my real job is, ultimately, to make money. But all that aside, what did I buy a shit-ton of when I got my first paycheck? Beads. Why beads? “Why beads?”!? You know how many beads the island of Manhattan would be worth today, if you accounted for bead inflation? Quadrillions!

     So fuck with a sigil. Draw a simple and make it symbol. Blow it up, and charge it with spiritual fire, then push credit or debit, and you're approved! Put a bead on it. Draw a bead on your sigil. Draw a bead of sweat onto your sigil. 'ell, draw a bead of cum, no less. Cum On A Sigil, so sayeth Sri J.C. Meyers, may Her Name Echo into Eternity. I mean, everybody's doin' it!

     Though ye may say, “Well then, if everybody jumped off a cliff, would you?” Hell yes I would, there'd be nobody to hang out with! Am I to waste away and wait for withered Thanatos to portend his mulish, desiccating jowls thither and thence across my visage? Forshook!

     Though cum be, too, fleeting - just like Time and Life (nay, yet also Glamour, and National Geographic) – what is money without a little bit of cum on it? The transitory, vagabond-like nature of cum, is – like the Black Hole Son – a furnace of creation, albeit housed in the River Nile, while the other is housed in the Ceiling (cielo). Thus is the nature of the fiscal cliff, of God, and of currency.

     And, yes, ass-beads ought to work just fine, as long as they're not cleaned beforehand.

     As the usurpers must be killed with kindness, so shall all blood, sweat, and tears (BST) be repaid in kind; whether to boss, landlord, or humanoid cloud of pumice-colored plasmic cinder. Those who work us, must work for us; especially if our lazy money refuses to. Just as every man shall be a king, and each house his castle, so shall each person be a central banker.

     Literally make it your job to make money. When it comes to counterfeiting operations, you've gotta spend money to make money. The only difference in legitimacy is whose money you spend to get things started.

     If this doesn't make sense, don't worry; it doesn't have to. What matters is that you employ some sort of logical loop in your defense of your currency of your choice. That you take the cum-glossed ghosts made of spiritual electrical-fire which dance inside of your money, and put them inside of a hamster wheel, that is shaped like that very same logical loop, which is alone the source of value, it being also shaped like a coin, and the impostor “number” zero.

     This is like Sesame Street, except the Count never leaves the screen.

     And this is what The Count hath taught us; for, just as money comes from blood, blood comes from water, and water comes from the moon, if Moon-Goddess is the source of all, then She is the source of Mooney, Blood-Money, and Handwater alike. She alone May quell the perturbed tempest of Draculistic Moonies wreaking havoc upon our quiet little town.

     For blood – not blockchain – is the real Keeper of Record of transactions; that Ancient Historian, Holder of Value, the RNA to the RZA to the GZA. The Declaration of Independence might as well have been written and signed in blood, considering how well-aware the revolutionaries were that they were pledging their very lives and lifeblood to one-another, in defense of each other's property. Then how hard would it have been for Nicolas Cage to read?

     Look at it this way: No blood money, no blood oaths. No blood oaths, no blood vigils. No blood vigils, no blood moons, no blood supermoons... But all this can be aided and betted with even the smallest donation. After all, blood's value is high, stable, and robust; owing to the need of it, and demand for it; for transfusions, research, etc..

     Also, blood can be easily transported. Shit, your body does it for you. Moreover, God knows how easily blood spreads. In fact, it's the only currency that's accepted everywhere! What do you think when you see blood? Exactly!; “Damn, the violence in the world is something that I need to accept.”! Blood: It's everywhere you want to be!

     Blood is, also, 100% proof positive of eating. That he who does not eat, neither shall he maketh bludd. And what to blood cells look like? Little donuts! “What does it mean?” Fuckin' you tell me!

     Most importantly, as anarchist Bach Dorein attests, blood is “a bodily fluid that carries all of your genetic material”, which enables both parties to be identified if need be.

     Furthermore, each drop of blood, bead of sweat, or cummie (CUM), serves as an easily divisible unit-share of the currency-stock BST, which is basically a basket of similar human-resource-backed currencies, grouped together so as to pool risk if one of them goes under. These drops (or beads) are valued inversely in proportion to the debt of the unique individual human being from which it came (and which it “represents”, heh-heh-heh).

     It's like a blind trust, except what's being traded is being treated like a currency more than like a stock, and it runs almost like a cooperative model. What this means is that each investor can easily own – upon request of delivery, with postage paid by the recipient – Pieces of You. This enables each investor (remember, that includes you, at least potentially) to have a 100% bona-fide record of the genetic material of all parties to your contract.

     This “currency” (more accurately, a whole mode of exchange unto itself) will allow a creditor to clone his debtor, from his blood, and work the clone until the debt has been paid back in full! At which point the creditor is free to dispose of the clone at will, having created it in the first place. You cannot truly own what you do not create. This is the mode of money management which is most in-keeping with the lessons in the Lord's Prayer. Don't like it? Clone yourself! Jesus did. Remember? He made that sheep? I think he called it Salvador Dolly.

     According to Dorein, when “Loss of property, loss of bodily parts, loss of life are all consequences”, in addition to loss of blood, the “Mutual threat of extreme violence” will “maintain peace”, and the “Mutual threat of death will keep everybody in line”, in much the same manner in which the threat of mutually-assured destruction seemed to help stave-off a nuclear exchange during the Cold War.

     That blood money be our currency, and blood oaths be our Constitution. May blood Serve as a check and a cheque; a contract on which its users declare their independence from the trappings of mortality and the tyranny of monocurrency.

     Perhaps blood's use as a sort of primordial blockchain could even be augmented through genetic engineering! Wouldn't you like to fill your pockets each morning with G.M.O. chimera-borg babies, whose parents are everybody who has ever used blood money!?

     And don't get me started on the possibility of trading blood derivatives!

     This is the logos you must embrace if your will is to make the world safe for Chaos, with Chaos. For Chaos, like Zero, clears room for itself, and thus makes all else (including the One) possible.

     Just as 1 comes from nothingness, so too do the magick and the Muse only visit the shaman in full force of fury as a novice. To experience this is to know true passive magick; to be used as a mere vessel for the Word.

     So, as Timothy Leary famously said, "Induce trance states, patent yourself as a crypto-numerological random number generator, and cash in."

Written Between January 13th and 16th, 2018

Edited on January 17th and March 14th, 2018

Currency Wars: How to Game the System

            The Pharaohs were right again, there is a war coming!

            That’s right, a war is brewing – in a pyramid-shaped brewery, no less – between currencies. This is not a mere battle between coins and paper, but one between very currencies and moneys themselves!

            This being anything other than a game of rock-paper-scissors, the John Nashes among us can return from our C.I.A.-backed drawing boards (or, rather, conspiracy webs). I mean, let’s not kid ourselves, we have a faith-based currency. Fiat currency is literally backed by say-so.

            Thus, it is not socio-cultural convention that dictates the value of the USD; it is power. From time immemorial, currencies have always been backed by power, from the labor conditions that accompanied the mining of currencies’ materials, to the conditions which brought about the widespread acceptance (“accept” being the operative word) of the currency.

Nobody begs for currency (except when they do; really, except when they need to). It was always power that gave value to these worthless little unpossessed trinkets (unpossessed in both senses of the word) in our pockets. That’s why ours must be a monetary theory predicated upon the veracity of the Power Theory of Value.

            Most of us view currencies and moneys as having a distinction and/or a difference, but the waxing crescent will soon reveal where our real values lie. This is why our masterless masters tell us; money is a real store of value, while currency is a representation. Currency is a symbol, a spectre, a spook, a phantasm, a dybbuk; it has no real value in and of itself. And just like a dybbuk or a vampire, or Jesus or God, it cannot come in – cannot receive your value, your credit, your belief – unless you invite it in.

That is, unless the currency you use is living.

            This is why how much money you get for your work, and what you spend your money on, are less valuable than what your choice of money (or currency) is in the first place.

I mean, if you conduct all of your transactions in wampum, you’re not going to be very successful unless you only trade with the Seneca and the Onondaga, or you want to move a lot of quahog shells in general. Or beaver pelts, for that matter; both make excellent currencies. All I’m saying is that resource-backed currencies are making a comeback, I’m not trying to make any value judgments.

Now it’s time to make some value judgments.

The truly best way to game the system is to make it your 40-hours-a-week business to decide how much each currency is worth relative to the others. That’s how European banking dynasties have always kept it in the black. And they’re Knights Exemplars of business ethics, for fuck’s sake.

The lessons of Hephaestus (the god of metals) are thus clear: understand the price of money, and buy and sell money. Buy money with money, it’s solid investment advice!

As you may remember from the last time (or the last piece; really, the last timepiece, the real Holder of Value, the real Keeper of Records, the real Signifier of Honor), it is a most pressing issue in today’s economy as to whether moneys and currencies derive their value from nature or from nurture.

Answering this question will be the key to discovery as to which forms of currency and money are based on power, violence, and intimidation.

I believe that a lunar currency will ultimately prove a more durable store of value, but that’s beside the point. This is not Sinfowars, neither is it No-Spin-Zone-Fo-Wars; this is pure competitive currency, the realm of numismatic pataphilosophy to which we must all eventually surrender.

But surrender we must to the subconscious realm of pure speculation. For ours is an economy based on faith, speculation, game, grime, gift, grift, and gank. That is, especially, speculation in land; this is why Geonomics must be synthesized with Geomancy.

Putting stock in your beliefs means investing in your beliefs.

If (for example) a hob-goblin who practices hoodoo tells you-doo that two-two is gonna win you the craps game, don’t think of it in terms of a cost-benefit analysis, or as a matter of wise or unwise investments. It’s all in the risk.

Use the hob-goblin as an avatar of Mammon, and use numerology to deconstruct the number 22 into its relevant values and meanings. If the angels are in the cards, play the goblin. If not, justify things according to your caprice; just let it ride.

The fundamental theorems of welfare economics tell us that one of the conditions for totally free markets (that is, perfect competition and fully interconnected markets) entails total freedom to bet on future states of affairs, as long as the bets are backed up 100% by existing assets.

So an economy based on gambling (in addition to game) is still potentially in the cards.

As Emperor Ryan taught us, “Don’t bet the house, be the house.”

Lord Petyr, too, taught that you must be willing to risk everything you have for everything you want. This is why we must gamble our lives away, for a chance at money, a chance at fame, a chance at immortality, a chance at our 15 minutes in the bacon grease. There Are No Masters Through Meyers.

And Greg, may he rest in peace, imparted that, essentially: bubbles, and volatility in markets and of currencies, affect only those who invest in them. This is why booze, strippers, and craps make for promising short-term fiduciary stratagema.

In the long term, invest in death. For an underdog, long-shot, or short-sell, buy immortality.

But this eclipses the wider point: Why use USD – a national currency covered in stripper sweat, trace amounts of feces and human skin, and toxic chemicals – when you could use a currency made of human skin? I’m not talking about soylent leather-cheques, those are so last recession season. I’m talkin’ about good old Uncle Charlie Manskin, you Prudent investors.

Hookers and blow, too, are recession-proof (and certainly depression-proof). This is what Greg has taught us, Put a Bird Upon Him (pbuh). That’s why you should hedge your bets with bush. Additionally, spending other people’s money counts as short selling.

But yea, you can vote yourself richer; by voting with your wallet, while you vote with your feet, as long as you pull yourself up by your bootstraps, hold on to your immigration papers, and bereave in yourself!

George said the only thing that makes him not a Pope is that billions of people don’t think he is. Likewise, David taught that the Pope could walk into a casino, call the wrong number at craps, and still walk away with billions of dollars, claiming infallibility.

This much we know to be true. But where do we go from here, knowing that money is the root of all evil, and that it’s impossible to serve two gods?

We must demand either a lunar-time-backed currency, or else at least a lunar calendar, as a compromise with the lunatic proles fringe.

I mean, literally (and I mean the word “literally” literally) billions of people know that time and money have a certain level of equivalence with one another. Almost as many believe, rightly, that there are 383 ½ days, divided into 13 months, in a year.

But few understand that – while the solar system is a clock that works off of a 64-multiplying-fractal-/-cyclical-linear historiological-astrological-symbolic repetition pattern, going backward from the Singularity point in the morning of December 21^st, 2012, at the cusp of the Piscean and Aquarian Ages – the Moon plays a demiurgic role in calibrating the ticking-and-talking of the Universe. And this is not just McKenna’s clockwork gnomes talking, this is some straight-up Anaxagoras shit.

How do you make money? Four words: “Distrust but independently verify”. But the question remains: how do you (the reader) gamble in a casino that doesn’t accept moon-based currencies, communion wafers, tokens that aren’t completely useless as fetishes, or Manskin? There’s no use beating around the hedge fund, I’ll spare you the buckskin euphemism.

The Cosmic Clock Theory allows us to foresee the mass use of TimeIsMoney @s a currency. The Cincinnati Time Store, and “labor-hour” currencies (such as MountainHours), all demonstrate that time is a source of value which can viably back currency. This is especially so when we consider the Holographic Universe Theory’s notion that black holes may store information.

That’s why keeping up on your historiological astrological symbolism will help make sure you’ll be In The Mooney®, and stay there.

The monetary policy on which we have set a course is one anchored in a solid foundation of hoodoo microeconomics, voodoo macroeconomics, and Moonie world trade theory. It is a sound, freeing, open-source theory, backed by standardized units of human bread.

As Rosa suggested: no bread, no man, no work. If we do not eat (“eat”, not “work”, nor “spend”), we die. Work is but an opportunistic middleman, for Hannah also said that work is distinct from action and labor. We work to earn money that we would otherwise not have to spend, if we did not “need” all the things that those who work us require of us.

Remember, need is distinct from want. Satisfaction of base needs is necessary to sustain the adequate bodily health needed to support hard work, and no employer ever compensated a new hire to the tune of the value of all the things he had to buy in order to get his shit together well enough to go about applying for a job.

A monetary policy that takes none of this into consideration will rightly suffer from a battery of attacks, and wither and die. This is why our currency must be alive.

That is what is meant by Human Bread. It is the Doe that brings us back to Dough.

You must choose a currency (or a money, or none); I cannot choose it for you. But I recommend that you choose a currency that is current; its circulation must flow freely. Volatility is a quality of water; it is not solely a state of turmoil. That’s what the spend-o-crats at Fox Business won’t tell you (F=6 O=60 X=600). You know sometimes words have two meanings.

So, you see, finance is all about water. What makes up 70% of our bodies? Water. We’re literally made of money! And what controls the tides? The Moon. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you!

Stay away from currencies that won’t give you the time of day. If your currency doesn’t keep current, you’re gonna have such a bad time that you won’t even know what time it is. But using a living currency helps prevent your choice in currency from going stale.

Read your handprints and follow the Economicon: Worship no dead moneys. Use not currencies of the past; currencies that do not keep current know no lunar calendar, know no compromise.

It then follows that human time – especially time expending effort and work (and especially especially effort and work watching and moonitoring the Moon) – is a source of time-money-Moon-value. It is this theory of (e)valuation which alone may knock the Power Theory of Value off its orbit and into relative retrograde.

Don’t be fooled, Moon Money Israel. Talk of objective and intrinsic value balks - Fairuza balks - saunters into a crevice, and yields at the majesty of the Will of each splendid Unique. Your Jewels are the most precious to you, they cannot be reduced to mere numbers.

The Neoliberals who endorse this foodoo (false hoodoo) would not bear the thorns of haggling in terms of pieces of silver, or communion wafers (or, for that matter, Nilla Wafers, as long as they’re properly ordained). I mean, does Andy Warhol have no say in this whatsoever?

If the Body of Christ could be traded around like that 2,000 years ago, then why can’t today’s money-changers get in on such a fortuitous investment opportunity? Corporate welfare whores, get in on this action. Act now: kill the Church, and scrap it for parts to sell! Go dig your graves, then fill your mouth with all the money you will save!

So, then, what is meant by a truly living currency of Human Manna (i.e., Humana)? Should we suffer anything less than a currency whose value is inversely proportionate to the human suffering which caused it, expressed in easily divisible economic units as quantities of blood, sweat, and tears?

            Do we own ourselves, and our toil? What is the value of a pound of flesh, expressed in GBP? Most importantly, are the medical professionals who conduct our pre-employment piss-tests making money selling our urine, hair, cheek swabs, and other pieces of us that harbor DNA?

            Take solace, for questions are meant to be answered.

Written on August 14th, 2017

Edited on September 14th, 2017,
and January 17th and May 11th, 2018

Investment Advice for Lunatics: Using Sigil Magick to Risk Nothing for Everything

      The investment advice of the Pharaohs is true after all. This means that you, too, can be a possessed corporate welfare whore; too big to fail, and too tender to touch!

      But heed ye not advice from the so-called “professional witches” of Vice Magazine, and their À-La-Flambuoyant Flirtemptation and flat-out foolery of manner of article purporting that one may simply “use witchcraft to make money”.

      This is merely the washing of a demonic hog; it is not fit for human consumption, and should have never been marketized. Not everything is witchcraft just because Frank sings that it is. The same goes with Stevie and superstition, and Marxy Markets and resources.

      You can have it all. As long as you're willing to risk losing everything you have. If that figure is zero, this article is for you.

      But to get the money, we must understand (that is, obey) where money comes from, and where it gets its value. From its parents? From society? Let's find out.

      You know, the Twelve-Dollar News-Suits^TM on the FOXy-Box tell us that people like physical currency because they like the way it feels. But y'ever feel a dollar bill? It's kinda itchy, isn't it? How are you gonna have a stable currency that's so itchy, people don't want to touch it? Well, here's how to turn your itchy money into Witchy Money.

      Money comes from the moon. Don't believe me? Grab yourself an Oxford English Dictionary. It's an entymological dictionary, so it pins down the meaning of the word the same way you pin an insect down to the specimen collection tray. No wiggle room, no room for all that “living document” bullcrap. You Know What I'm Saying.^TM

      This brings me my first tip for making money is to Trademark^TM Everything^TM You^TM Can.^{TM (TM)} Charge^TM People^TM Mooney^TM for^(R) Talking^TM Like^TM You^TM. Paul Mooney. You wanna know why? The Greeks, man. See the coin-moon on the Drachma. Silver Moon, Golden Sun. Bimetallism, baby. Remember William Jennings Bryan? Well, this is him times Aleister Crowley, to the power of a red panda!

      Don't be a Moonie for Mooney; be a Loonie for Loonies! That's right: this year, it's not Manic Monday, it's Lunacy Lunedí – it's the “Luna-C, Luna-D” to the “A-Tone, B-Tone, See-Tone” which upon Us Allen of Madison Son of Satan imparted - so watch out for owls and crescents.

      Signs and traces of owls and crescents act as virtual tabernacles charged with sigil and seal, and with talismans (talismen?) aplenty, all suitable for ensuring reliable access to alternate neighboring celestial dimensions. It's like a United Nations World Passport, but for ghosts.

      You Heard it Here First^TM; by taking entheogenic hallucinogenic plants, you can send yourself into psycho-shamanic trances, in which you may experience glossolalia, or “speaking in tongues”. Record yourself doing an incantation! Do the Wop Bam Boogaloo.

      Write down the words later, in whatever pre-existing or invented (or summoned) language you please! Go overboard, get all Joseph Smith about it. Make the Shroud of Turin into your own personal waifu pillowcase if you have to, just Do a Goddamn Thing for the Empire!

      The more sigils, seals, talismans, talisman-based shibboleths, and other meaning-based currencies you collect, the more domain names you can come up with. That's why the more symbols you generate through ecstatic ritual glossolalia, and the more pictograms (such as hieroglyphics and emojis) - and cryptograms, codices, and even entirely “new” (i.e., primordial) languages - the better (another tip: Spell things any way you like. Remember, you can't spell “spell” without “spell”!!!).

      Then you just sit back, like a nest-egg on an anthill, and wait for the offers to come rolling in! It's easy as pi, as romantic as Romania!

      I heard you ask that question out loud, and yes, you should turn down opportunities that your conscious mind presents to you to make yourself less crazy (if you didn't ask anything out loud, this article is, once again, not for you).

      If you hear or sense a magickal impulse in the skull-bound spell-room in which your Psyche dwells a tortured prisoner, delve into it immediately, and believe it like your life depends on it. Put it all on 21 red! You are special, you are the ideal, and all patterns and symbols are convening to communicate to You that you alone are one with the gods, and The One to Shepherd the Weak Out of the Valley^TM. Put all your stock in your beliefs.

      This technique – called the Cherishing Technique^TM – allows the magician to extract as much meaning as possible from What Ze Has. In French they say chérie. In Spanish, they say querid@. In Spanish and Italian, it's carin@. In England, “dear” also means “expensive”. What does it mean to you that I'm telling you this? Don't mistake the medium for the message. Learn the language of Lov, the language of the World Wide Web.

      People need websites, don't they? Why wouldn't they need a website named after a nonsense word you came up with after you realized your new phone lets you type more symbols than your old phone? Don't^TM Tell^TM Me^TM The^TM Odds^TM. If You Build It, And Say God Built It, And Told You To Marry All Of Your Followers, They Will Come.

      We must invest multiple meanings into all of the words we use, for our most common words have dozens of meanings, for as Jesca taught us, words are all we have, if not love. This will enable maximum profit for all you Uber-loving millennials' witchcraft professionalization needs, so you can be a successful one-eyed, moneyed warlock who Pays^TM His^TM Goddamn^TM Taxes^TM!

      We can go on believing that the Illuminati-symbol-covered holographic honey-brick food-based currency (combination mutuum cheque) which we use today, is the best way to conduct trade in today's integrated globalizationist economy. But even though our modern currency fulfills all of the functions that make a currency valuable (even more so than the tea-brick or the onion), we must not ignore the value of a human being.

      And that is why I suggest investing in currencies backed by human skin.

      The value of the American dollar is backed by the blood, sweat, and tears of the American worker. It's a veritable spirit cooking of wealth in those sweatshops. After all, a “buck” is called a buck because it was named a buck back when a buckskin was worth a dollar (try to say that 999 times fast!). So why not Soylent up the currency?

      It would help restore financial soylency. And besides, that's where I write my blog. How else are you gonna keep that encyclical in circulation, unless you have a real circulatory system behind it? It would sure help us keep current with the fact of what our main export is (i.e., pain), information which has must be considered when establishing economic systems and choosing which currencies to use and invest in.

      So my advice: keep a steady stream of currency in your river bank. You can ask the River of Jordan that is Jordan Maxwell What^TM I'm^TM Talking^TM About^TM. Know the secrets of your Berth.

      The main lesson here is that the best way to get What^TM You^TM Have^TM to appreciate in value, is to appreciate it more. Appreciate that Hebrew Typewriter with the Keys^TM Made^TM Out^TM of^TM Dice^TM Carved^TM from^TM Endangered^TM White^TM Rhino^TM Teeth^TM better, by destroying it. I mean make it, name it, cash in on the domain names, and then destroy it.

      Be sure to destroy everything you own (including yourself) – especially if you have two or more of the relevant item – in order to exploit scarcity and make your valuable items invaluable (or else smashed on the floor). Don't forget to salvage the scraps, arrange them meticulously in orders that will only make sense at a certain time, and make new languages out of that.

      Remember the First Rule of Sigil Money: You've^TM Got^TM a^TM Portfolio^TM to Maintain^TM. There Is No Second Rule Of Sigil Money. Just keep in mind that, like fire, schizophrenia can be harmful to those who fail to master it and harness its vast creative and emotional powers of imagination, introspection, and sympathy and empathy.

      Although, as they say (Who's they? Wait, who am I talking to?), a mind is a terrible thing to waste, and nothing is free except your opinion, the human brain may very well become the World Reserve Currency by 2025, so the Yuan better watch out! So hold on to your head like you hold onto the night (or if you're into Zen instead of 80's music, like you hold fast to the pillow).

      Additional ways to grow your wealth by exploiting scarcity include:

      1) Making yourself scarce;

      2) Hiding your magickal items away from your normie half-orc friends; Remember the Folding Rule: Nobody^TM Needs^TM to^TM See^TM That^TM Shit^TM. You haven't even figured out how those clothespins connect to spell angelic messages out of meaningless symbols, what makes you think your guests are going to know how? …Oh right, Crowley's wife in the Pyramid. … anyway, also:

      3) Murdering your döppelganger (as always) to protect against identity theft. Consider doing the same to your shadow, as well as your Jungian Shadow.

      These steps (i.e., magick tricks) will help you increase the value of your ritual items (including your sealskin seals, your talisman chalicements, etc.), while also ironically making you into a more highly valued target for currency-skinning. So hold on to your buckskin; it's all in a day's work for dear Bambi.

      Finally, 1) Take full ownership of yourself; be a precious jewel, a diamond in the rough; 2) Print a bunch of stylized Andy Warhol faces onto sacramental communion wafers with a wafer press, use them as an edible currency (for use in fashionable indulgences), and call it art; 3) Pay Your Goddamn Taxes^TM, and 4) Redeem yourself, not all of your insignificant possessions for money over eBay.

      Or the other thing, whatever floats your Ark. That garbage screw just might be a fetish after all.

      If all else fails, picture your audience as a bunch of empty sacks of money.

      Take advantage. There's no limit to what you have to gain.

$igned,

God Will Increase

      S.P.Q.R.: All capitalized phrases herein not capitalized upon are hereby up-for-grabs for both copyrighting and open access.

Written on July 15th and 16th, 2017