Ascetic Austerity: Demurrage is the Demiurge, by Jack Sampson

     Yes, Eye confess! I hath killed J.C. Meyers.

     Granted, I understand where J.C. Meyers is cumming from. Eye no how it feels to stand corrected by Dirt. It happens to me all the Time.

     Being made to feel lower than Dirt is no more contemptible than pointing out that we are all the moistened, aerated, speaking soil, and that, as from ashes and dust we come, so to ashes and dust we go. All Must Serve the Cycle®.

     But She Who Threw a Binder at Me^TM can never be forgiven. As I have killed J.C. Meyers before, so shall I kill her again, and $ave you heathens from her treachery.

     At Issues magazine, we appeal to a F.I.R.E. authority (that is, Finance, Insurance, and Real Estate). We invoke the gods of $alvation by building our church upon the fire-proof rock. And upon that which penetrates the rock, too; that saber of interrogating, golden-plating, all-Americating Light – once golden, once red - that cauterizes while it cuts, and witch we have all cum to know and glove so well.

     And through the whole of that rock, we shall ©. But you've heard all that before.

     What ye have knot yet heard, though, is how to fasten this hole tapestry together, by building upon this fire-proof rock not only our church, but our homes. For, just as all must either serve or be served – just as we shall submit to God, by killing God, by killing the god within ourselves, by killing ourselves – the F.I.R.E. authority must be submitted-to through (and hence overcome by) that same Hegelian sublation.

     This is to say that when we refuse to recognize that God has resolved not to stop us should we decide to usurp His throne, we build our homes and our churches (that is, our lives and our beliefs) out of flammable materials. Which creates an artificial need for fire insurance. All the insurance companies in the world could never insure against the wages of sin we will experience in Hell!

     Although this may sound like a statement assuring death, this is actually why it is within the reach – of any of us – to live forever, to judge all of mankind! Judge this notion if ye may, but if ye do, know that ye be judging as if ye thunk ye be but a god. Judgment of human value is necessary for a well-ordered civilization. At some level of the pyramid, each must serve.

     And that is why we all must starve ourselves to death.

     This program I call “Ascetic Austerity”.

     Just as I previously recommended saving money by eating less, and by eating parts of your own body, I now aim to advance a more general theory of shamanomics. This method of attaining financial and spiritual $aving$ simultaneously will help the Order of Celestial Integration and its members achieve moksha. And also to kill God.

     Did I mention that we're cutting your tithe to the low, low rate of 9.99%? This is the lowest tithe ever offered; not only in the history of the Order, but of mankind. It's not even strictly a tithe anymore, so We don't know how long we'll be able to continue this offer. So (Book of) Act(s) now, 4 this is a once-in-a-deathtime opPORTunity! We'd love to ti(th)e you off, so cum except the invocation!

     Before we 4get, Issues would like to remind its readers that SHAVINGS IS $AVING$. Did ewe no that 33.3% of what you remove when you shave is skin cells? And that includes little dried pieces of blood. But God does knot intend to waste those blood cells! EVERY HUMAN SELL IS PRE¢IOU$; read John 6:12. Sew please, SEND US YOUR BLOOD - or at least the surplus, which you are not planning to immolate - to 824 N. Howell St., Rocky Mount, North Carolina, 27803, c/o Commodity Fetish Records.

     We promise that your efforts will knot be in vein.

     As I have elaborynthmaieuticated* in previous particles, part of the key to our $alvation is to overcome currency; just as Christ overcame death (and – lo – just as my dick over-came at your mom's house). And that means “Coins-On-The-Temple-Floor” -level savings for ewe!

     What this means, once again, is that we must replace all money and currency with either YIC (Yap Island stone Coins), some variant thereof, or BSTS (BloodCoin-SweatCoin-TearCoin-ShitCoin). That is, unless we are serious about implementing my Crypto-Oracle plan.

     Let's face it, most people have a soul, and most people have a Madonna single on compact disc in their home. And if you don't have one, then you have the other. It only takes a split-second to ask yourself why this fact does not virtually guarantee a fail-safe, free-floating, competitive, dual currency system.

     Yes, Crypto-Oracles are people. Just be glad you don't have to eat them. We here at Issues would never ask you to eat an artist; the industry eats them alive well enough as it is. You only have to ingest the artists' pre¢iou$ bodily fluids.

     For oracles are specially protected by our prayers, and by the Wall. Oracles are minor gods, and have access to portals to other dimensions about which we, their audience, know nothing. Just like the martyrs, they are more like real gods than the real gods, for we have proof of their existence, and they veritably died for our sins. Even if our gods and saviors are made-up, and never died in the first place, then we still have the martyrs and the saints as proof that humans can behave divinely. In a way, martyrs are a greater proof of God's existence than any savior could ever be.

     The only problem remaining to be solved is what to do given the intrinsic worthlessness of both the human soul and the Madonna single. Fortunately, that is where shamanomics comes in.

     That's right, I'm proposing auto-sarcophagic (self-eating) taxation.

     Why, you ask? It is only through seeing the snake-eyed dice of immortality floating like a magic 8-ball in the grimacing eye of Ouroborus, that we may be revealed the divine $e¢ret$ of “Tack-Say-Shun”. If Ewe say something bad about taxation, they'll shun Ewe, and then they'll at-tack Ewe, and tack Ewe up onto something.

     Unlike the divine Bush through witch God revealed Herself (some call this Bush “Kathy”), our efforts must give of ourselves. We must consume, while being consumed. As our souls burn with passion, we must allow that fire to consume us. After all, one man's insatiable quest that ends up killing him, is another man's free white whale ride!

     As Bukowski said, find what you love and let it kill you. Aren't humans and God just doing that do each other? Think of death as a love-hug. You can't overthrow God unless you disobey His commandment to not cling to loving one's hatred. You can't disappoint Richard Nixon unless you learn to hate your enemy just as much as he hates Ewe.

     This is why – or how, I forget – we will implement auto-sarcophagic taxation, and enforce Ascetic Austerity. Or else austere at you until you agree with me. Forsooth, we must envelop ourselves in a crystalline chrysalistic sarcophagus for our Christ crisis – a sort of womb-tomb – in order to devour ourselves through the self-flagellating taxation of our essences for prophet.

     We must allow the Order to continue to acquire new lands, tax-free. The Tithe Cut and the FloorCoin fund Will pay for it (because I Will It!^TM).

     I mean, how else are today's edgy teens going to learn to dab, plank, nae-nae, t-pose and flex, so that they can go on yeeting in a spainging economy? By becoming Crypto-Oracles, of course! Not only this, but I also plan to implement a Voucher Program to supplement the Crypto-Oracle plan.

Simply put, we are eliminating all currency – even C.F.R.-issued 999 Economic Unit notes (though only as a temporary measure) – in order to usher in an experimental, moneyless intentional society.

     What this will involve, is finding artists, designating them Crypto-Oracles (which, to refresh your memory, is a crypto-numerological-magick-based device which generates divine symbols and domain names, and, eventually, the One True Name of God^TM), and issuing a promise that any Crypto-Oracle can opt to ask the Order to provide them with the skills necessary to become a voucher.

     What this means for Ewe, is that if Ewe are in need of anything, then one of our vouchers will come to your location, and vouch four you. If anyone refuses to give you something you need, based on the fact that the piece of paper you're trying to give them for it has the wrong set of numbers or the wrong dead man's face on it, then you can call one of our vouchers, and they'll show up and kick the ass (read: donkey) of whomever is fucking with you.

     After all, Ewe wouldn't want to cause a fasces faux pas, and get Coins On the Temple Floor^®! For using standing armies to guard warehouses full of resources witch we need to survive, against the people whose needs give those goods all value, is the root of all evil. I mean value.

Time Money Moon Value.

     ...Yeah.

     Any weigh, the Oracle al0ne – especially while acting as The Holy Voucher – may proffer us the AURA-CLEAR^TM-ing clarity of meaning which comes through $alvifi¢ $alvation®. Only the Oracle extends this holey hand to us. As Christ puts His hand over the wound in His side, we must extend a finger into Him as our holy indulgence.

     Remember that DEMURRAGE IS THE DEMIURGE. Money burning a whole in your pocket is the main driver and motivator of all mortal action, and the cause (and collateral) of all investment.

     Which prayer does a Christian duck say when he is required to render his feathers for a place to stay? “And Now I Pay Me Down to Sleep”. The lesson of this is that the only weigh to pay down our debt, and the only weigh to make our hearts lighter than a feather, is to give of our own flesh, and to be taxed out of our own bodies.

     While usury is a fee paid for the privilege of using money, demurrage is a rent paid for the privilege of keeping money. The difference is eons apart! That's why to save money is as useless as it is to save a human being; just like currency, human beings are not meant to be saved, they are Meant 2 B Spent^TM. That is, spent, through difficult labor; through hard, taxing work. Spent, before they lose value. TMMV (pbuh).

     For all we know, it's clinging to salvation that keeps us attached to this world, and stops our souls from transcending.

     Think!: Whose money is in your pocket? Whose face is on it? Give it back to him. Lay it on his grave if you have to. It is better to have to draw only Muhammad, than to have to draw a Lot. Paying interest on your money is the only way to - as the great Grey the Grey deGrey the Great taught us - “show an interest in what you save, show an interest in who you save”.

     And so, verily, I say unto thee: doest thou a thing!

     For God does not close a window without opening a million other tabs.

     * = elaborynthmaieuticate (verb): 1. To act as both an “intellectual midwife” (or “maieutic doula”) and a “maze tour guide” at once; to elaborate and explain, in order to assist in the expression or birth of a thought, as if guiding that thought through a labyrinth.

Written and Originally Published on September 18^th, 2018

Appeared in the October 2018 edition of Issues magazine

Jack for the Order: Independence from Meyers (Abbreviated Version), by Jack Sampson

The following is an announcement of the candidacy of myself, Jack Sampson, for spiritual leader of the Order of Celestial Integration. The Order of Celestial Integration, or "the Order" for short, is an apocalyptic death cult -slash- record label based out of North Carolina.

My opponent is pastor J.C. Meyers.

This article was first published in Issues magazine in its September 2018 issue.

     It is eye, your deer leader, Jack Sampson, cum to $ave you from bad theocracy! We have nothing to fear but J.C. Meyers!

     I have come to step-up to J.C. Meyers's challenge. I hereby declare my dastardly intent to usurp Meyers's throne via the most treacherous method possible; a duly delegated special election process!

     Meyers might claim that her call was for the Order to have more “profits”, or whatever she's telling people these days. But I heard the “ph” in “prophets” with my own two ears. To be a base-line decent prophet or oracle these days, you have to either commit to nonsense, or commit to being specific in your language.

     I promise to commit to both at the same time, yet Meyers can do neither of these.

     Meyers' slogans – which worship reason and rationality without them having earned this worship – reek only of rationalizing; of a grasping at straws. Meyers struggles to explain, and remains practically speechless. Don't let the ALT-CAPS fool you.

     Not only should J.C. Meyers's fidelity to nonsense come under question, so should her lack of a plan to secure the fiscal stability of the Order. I even suspect this to be the cause of her lack of a financial plan.

     As such, I have serious doubts as to whether my opponent J.C. Meyers even understands the basics of how Crypto-Oracles generate numbers, domain names, the Holy Name of God, and robust sustained economic growth.

     J.C. Meyers's lack of a fiscal plan is worrying enough; but her lack of a non-plan is equally disturbing. I, unlike Meyers, believe that The Best Plan is No Plan. To paraphrase Abraham Lincoln, an apocalyptic cult divided against itself on the topic of salvific suicide cannot stand. J.C. Meyers's anti-suicide stance will simply not last in the modern-day apocalyptic piss-cult world.

     If you are reading this, and you are concerned that your pastor doesn't care enough about how non-being gets a bad rap, then I, Jack Sampson, am your candidate.

     J.C. Meyers caused untold suffering through the unnecessary prolongation of life which resulted from her failure to accurately predict the end of the world.

     It is only a matter of time before American Babylon 2 concertgoers start demanding refunds – nay, reparations! - for being robbed of the apocalypse they rightfully earned and paid for. I have a plan to print special pieces of paper with a very special person's face on it, to make this problem go away forever.

     J.C. Meyers has made us dependent on her for salvation and dank beats. J.C. Meyers has plundered our seas and ravaged our coasts. J.C. Meyers doesn't understand even the most basic principles about what makes time travel and backwards prediction possible. J.C. Meyers has refused to sign church reforms which would recognize and protect our sacred Right to Cum. The list goes on!

     Perhaps most shockingly of all, I have in my possession evidence which strongly suggests that collusion has occurred between the campaigns of J.C. Meyers and her opponent.

     We demand justice.

     Reverend J.C. Liars has betrayed us all, yet she shows no remorse. She knows that what she did was wrong. Her pleas for your sympathy are but bloody crocodile tears; she begs only for your votes and your precious, hard-earned Economic Units.

     I have killed J.C. Meyers before. I am the only one qualified to kill J.C. Meyers again. And this time she will stay dead.

     A vote for Jack is a vote for a good, clean kill.

     J.C. Meyers is dead. Long live J.C. Meyers!

     P.S.: Follow the link below to read Jack Sampson's full invective against J.C. Meyers's campaign to retain her position as spiritual leader and pastor of the Celestial Order of Integration!:

http://aquarianagrarian.blogspot.com/2018/08/jack-for-order-independence-from-meyers.html

     Written on August 28^th, 2018

Jack for the Order: Independence from Meyers (Full Version), by Jack Sampson

The following is an announcement of the candidacy of myself, Jack Sampson, for spiritual leader of the Order of Celestial Integration. The Order of Celestial Integration, or "the Order" for short, is an apocalyptic death cult -slash- record label based out of North Carolina.
My opponent is pastor J.C. Meyers.
This article was first published in Issues magazine in its September 2018 issue.

Have ewe herd the good gnus!?

It is eye, your deer leader Jack Sampson, come to save you from high psychic trolls and high psychic tolls!

You may recall from earlier issues of Issues that I invoked an anarchist grand jury, and called for a special election, challenging J.C. Meyers for the title of spiritual leader of the Celestial Order of Integration.

It Had 2 B Done!^TM. Waterfall, J.C. Meyers hath invited and condoned this special election; I was just The One(R) who started turning the gears. J.C. Meyers should not have called for more prophets, if she were not willing to accept a little competition for her position.

J.C. Meyers may seem caught off-guard, or even shocked, that I have challenged her for the title of spiritual leader of the Celestial Order of Integration. But she should have seen this coming, and thought of that before she called for more prophets.

But there's nothing more shocking than the way I'd like to be elect(rocut)ed:... same way the popes do it: through a conclave (con = with, and clave = key). Benjamin Frankly, I want to be electrocuted with a key. And there's no better way to celebrate a good election than with an erection... of an obelisk... in tribute to... me, Jack Sampson.

Where was I going with this? ...Obelisks... Oh yeah. Fuck J.C. Meyers!

Now – and this brings me to my first point - I would bet that the folks over at the J.C. Meyers campaign will tell you that J.C. Meyers called for more profits, as opposed to prophets with a “p-h”. But this is a misleading distraction; from the fact that any good snake-tongued oracle ought to be well aware of the three meanings witch their words will inevitably imply to each respective listener. I explain this in detail, in my book - Time, Money, Moon, Value! - in the passages concerning Eleggua's hat and the forked tongue of Christ. Yea, yea.

And that is why we are at this crossroads. Only the precision of language, and the clarity of meaning, will aid our ability to understand existence, understand divinity, and use that information to benefit ourselves and improve the world around us. Whether Meyers called for more profits or prophets, her position on how to secure the fiscal sustainability of the Order (if she has one) is worryingly unclear.

My fiscal plan, on the other h&, has always been clear. I have no plan, because “The Best Plan is kNOw Plan”. Quite simply, my plan is “no plan” because it relies upon Chaos, not Order. That is why I promote the use of crypto-numerological-magick-based domain-name and divine symbol generators (to which I will henceforth refer as “Crypto-Oracles” for the sake of brevity).

The idea is to use the information generated by these Crypto-Oracles to back-tell, back-dict, backrophsy, and out-see fortuitous and serendipitous incidents, in order to generate sustained stable fiscal growth. And also, eventually, to randomly generate the true Name of G-d (whose meaning is to save a coat). Whose name we will, of course, use to generate more money, in Order to create the Kingdom of G-d on Earth (thus, incidentally, resolving the conflict between materialism and spirituality for all time. You're welcome).

Meyers' slogan “A rational choice for a rational society” is outdated. Reason is The Enemy!^{TM, Limited Time Offer} Ecstatic number, sigil, and Song generation is the true Ninth Wave of the future! Just as pi, an irrational number, governs the orbs and our lives and our holes, men are rationally irrational, and yet the pie still goes 'round.

As irrational as J.C. Meyers seems, she is not nearly as committed to nonsense as I am. Sure, a stopped clock is still wrong 1,438 times a day, and we should praise J.C. Meyers for accurately failing to predict the apocalypse. But in so doing, she deprived all the concertgoers at American Babylon 2 of the Apocalypse for which they paid good money, and thus rightfully earned and deserve.

Moreover, Meyers did not give concertgoers adequate warning of the panic that could have ensued, or failed to ensue. My policy on panic is to transform the Order's moshing pits into murdering pits, and to introduce a waiver system, in order to ensure that the amount of panic can get neither too high nor too low, while also protecting Commodity Fetish Records (C.F.R.) from legal and financial liability.

Additionally, J.C. Meyers has passed the Bu¢k onto God – thus victimizing Him yet again – by blaming Him for her failure to accurately predict the End of the World. Failing to predict the future is not a bad thing! I do it all the time. The real sin is failing to predict the past. But back to my point, does J.C. Meyers even have a plan to hold God accountable for this? My plan is to hold God accountable by holding ourselves accountable, which we will do by killing God, which we will do by killing the god within ourselves, which we will do by killing ourselves.

While we're on the topic, how can J.C. Meyers can be the religious leader of an apocalyptic cult, and not even promote suicide? She has even gone so far as to prevent suicides, and prolong life, by promising fake news of an apocalypse that never cum'd. Meyers calls my suicide non-plan “not a plan”, but that just means it is no plan, which is the best plan of all. Additionally, it is not a plan; but rather a lack thereof; so it is the negation and antithesis of philosophy, the ultimate rebellion against existence. To turn a popular saying by Camus on its head, the only way to conform to the expectations of an unfree world is to become so absolutely unfree that your very rebellion becomes a lack of existence.

Furthermore, how do we know Meyers even believes in God in the first place? Does she even watch the Moon? What is her stance on Islamic banking? There is so much we don't know about J.C. Meyers. But all of my suspicions - our suspicions - will be assuaged once Sri Meyers performs a miracle live on stage (or else presents a valid driver's license, state I.D., Social Security card, passport, or original long-form birth certificate).

Meyers has cheated us out of the Carlinian “front-row seat to the end of the world” that we paid for; paid for with a year's worth of hand-water, SweatCoin, TearCoin, WadCoin, and Economic Units. She appears to have no plan; my plan is to refund concertgoers with whatever funds remain in the FloorCoin trust. The Emperor insists “we're keeping your money”, but I intend to do something about this. Even if C.F.R. funds cannot be recovered, I am positive that investing existing C.F.R. funds into CryptoOracles will help fill the gaps which remain in my “reparations for lost apocalypse” program.

The End of the World screws things up enough as it is; it takes a hell of an idiot to screw up the End of the World itself. And that, my friends, is what you have in J.C. Meyers: A Hell of an Idiot.^TM FFS, the end of the world couldn't have happened, therefore it didn't have, ipso facto it couldn't have. If the glove don't fit, you must have quit trying to put it on over your other glove.

I... me... backrophsied in previous Issues that the world wouldn't and couldn't have ended. That backrophcy was post-dicted long before American Babylon 2 in the pre-post-condition-necessitating backwards-timeline that runs simultaneously parallel and perpendicular to our own “forward” timeline. Basically, the world not ending was inevitable, because the world is a planetary orb and not a time frame which can end. And so the necessity of the world not ending when AmBab 2 ended, forced the previous pre-conditions to arise in order to have made these later post-conditions possible. The works of Einstein, Professor Irwin Corey, and Brian May will confirm this. Think of it as “retroactive continuity”, except the author is God, the Architecter of the Universe.

But J.C. Meyers has no idea about any of that. And that is why you need me to lead the Order; to lead the Earth to become the Kingdom of God it so yearns to be. Only one obstacle remains: Meyers. She who has plundered our seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people. She is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy of the Head of a civilized Order.

Granted, I promise to ravage your coastlines and pillage your ports every bit as much as Meyers. But I will do it in a way that makes us greater, and does good things for people. And you better believe me that it's gonna be as great as I say it is. You won't regret it.

We must wean ourselves of our dependence on Meyers; for salvation, for forgiveness, for dank beats. After all, did Martin Luther wage the Protestant Reformation on the notion that people ought not suffer going to but a sole provider for Da Riddim, and salvation therethrough?

That is why I would mash-up dank beats with illuminated meme-u-scripts, in order to create another fiscal safeguard; in the way of an additional free-floating meme-based currency. This currency would compete against C.F.R.'s burgeoning Crypto-Oracle dividend, whose quarterly gains show promise according to Order Budget Office projections. We also project that, by 2025, illuminated meme-u-scripts will complete the fulfillment of the biblical end-times prophecy that all of mankind would miraculously learn the Word of God without reading it, and thus usher-in the Kingdom of Heaven. It would be hard to overstate the number of 999 Economic Unit notes this will allow C.F.R. to print; this means loads of fiscal Gaines for all of us.

What are J.C. Meyers' policies on religious education and absolution through meme-based currencies? Fuck all if we know! Furthermore – and this is Meyers' greatest treachery yet – I have it on good Authority^(R) that Meyers aims to deprive us of our sacred right to cum. I know! Fear not, though; that is why I have signed a pledge to sign Right-to-Cum legislation (also known as Right-to-Jerk laws) into law on my first day in office. (*Note: Right-to-Cum legislation neither recognizes, confers, nor protects any actual right to jerk, except in West Virginia and Wisconsin).

This is solid legislation, it has been tested, it works, it jerks; yet Meyers asks “how will we pay for it?”. It'll pay for itself! The same goes for my Air Value Taxation plan. And by the way, Air Value Taxation is not – I repeat, not – a tax on breathing air. It is also not not a tax on breathing. And that is a great teaching example of why politics is all about compromise. But anyway, just like Crypto-Oracles and Right-to-Jerk laws, Air Value Taxation will pay for itself. Even if it won't, then just try all three of those things, and whichever one doesn't work, just bail it out with the funds from the other two! Do What Works, Do What Jerks.^TM

J.C. Meyers – Reverend Liars, as I call her – is unpredictable, unpredicting, and unbackdicting. She has no plan to prevent the raiding of the Order's sacred Treasury by the many spiritual vampires set upon the Sacred Heart.

Lastly, I demand that Meyers respond to allegations of collusion with the Jack Sampson campaign. Collusion may not be a crime, but conspiracy and election fraud are crimes. And ignorance of the law is no excuse. Neither is a complete lack of evidence of guilt, and neither is irrefutable evidence of innocence. Some people have got to rule, others have got to submit.

A vote for Jack Sampson is a vote to ensure that the “J” in “J.C. Meyers” stands for Jack again. I am the only person(a) qualified to usurp Meyers, because I am the only one with direct experience killing Meyers. And that is why I will make sure that J.C. Meyers stays dead. I will kill her, and with a large circular rock I will seal her in a vault from which she cannot escape for three days.

J.C. Meyers is perpetrating a long-con on all of us; she is playing a game with us, just as a predator toys with its prey before devouring it. I, on the other hand - though mercy be undeserved by definition – will grant my prey an even sweeter end; a quick, honorable, painless death, which is much more than you – and J.C. Meyers – deserve.

I have killed J.C. Meyers before. I am the only one qualified to kill J.C. Meyers again. And this time she will stay dead.

A vote for Jack is a vote for a good, clean kill.

J.C. Meyers is dead. Long live J.C. Meyers!



Written and Published on August 28th, 2018




Read the abbreviated version (which appeared in a printed edition of Issues magazine) at the link below:
http://aquarianagrarian.blogspot.com/2018/08/jack-for-order-independence-from-meyers_28.html