Author's
Note
The following was written as a eulogy
for my dear friend, Ethan August Winnett, who passed from this life on October
19th, 2023.
This eulogy was written with the intent
that it be delivered at his funeral. However, I was unable to resolve to
deliver the speech out-loud at the service; in part, because I was anxious
about whether submitting the speech for the approval of Ethan's surviving
family might risk causing emotional turmoil which could have compounded the
difficulty which they experienced in seeing him pass.
I am publishing the eulogy here, for
several reasons. Among them;
1) it is better late to do so than never.
Additionally, while the staff at the Fort Sheridan National Military
Cemetery did manage to make their speech and service "short and sweet", which
suited the cold temperatures of that day, and spared Ethan's friends and family
from having to endure a lengthy service, which likely would have added to the
sorrow they experienced that day;
2) I - and, I can only assume, others
who were present that day, as well - did not find the military's services
entirely satisfactory (for reasons into which I will not go here, aside from the fact that I feel that Ethan deserved a more personal eulogy from the one he got, and a eulogy from someone who knew him better than the military chaplain who spoke)
Also,
3) I hope that publishing this, will
help all those who read it, to process deaths and other hardships in their own lives,
in a psychologically healthy and practical manner, so that they may face
reality, and face tragedies, without falling into despair. I also hope that this will provide Ethan's friends and family with better closure than what they got from the service.
It is additionally worth noting that
Stoic philosophy influenced my writing of this eulogy, and influenced my
approach to grieving Ethan; in particular, the quotation by Marcus Aurelius:
"To love only what happens, what was destined. No greater harmony."
I
will admit that this quotation is not only clumsily phrased, but also that it
would come-off sounding indifferent, when applied in the context of lamenting
the death of such a dear friend. So I choose to remember this quote, instead, as
"Resolve to love, no matter what happens."
Ethan August Winnett was buried, with
full military honors, at the Fort Sheridan National Military Cemetery - in Fort
Sheridan, Illinois - on Wednesday, November 22nd, 2023 (which fell on the day prior to Thanksgiving, and coincidentally happened to occur on the sixtieth anniversary of the death of President John F.
Kennedy).
Rest In Power, Ethan.
Eulogy
for Ethan August Winnett
What
can be said at a time like this? What could I say that could help comfort a
family as they say goodbye to their son, at a young age, after such a sudden
loss; and to help a group of friends make sense of such a senseless and sad event?
“There’s nothing about what happened
that’s OK. But in the long run, things are going to be OK… because we’re going
to make things OK.
“And we’re going to do that by coming
together, to give each other the same love and support that we gave to Ethan,
and that would have given him from this point forward… and we’re going to live
our lives in a way that would make him proud to call us his friends.”
Ethan was resilient and determined, in
a way that was inspiring. He lived in a way that showed he was always trying to
have fun, no matter how difficult the circumstances.
We should let Ethan’s determination,
inspire us to find any little positive thing that does manage
to come – not from Ethan’s passing – but from the gathering of people who have
come together today, to fondly remember and lovingly celebrate his life,
and his contributions to ours.
We’re going to make things OK, by
learning as much as we can from what happened; by making our homes safer, and
the Earth cleaner; in a way that helps us protect each other’s lives more
effectively, and love each other more, and love life more, in the process.
And we will help Ethan’s legacy live
on; by telling our other friends about his impact on the way we lived; guiding
us to live more simply, more matter-of-fact, and hopeful, resilient, and
driven, and curious.
And he was funny. He was always making
jokes, coming up with songs, telling us about bands… He would speak bits of
poetry, free-style…
Some of us may be wondering why Ethan
wasn’t on much sleep when he passed. Ethan lived life with an intense joy,
curiosity, and wonder; so much so that he didn’t want to miss a single moment
of life, to the point of losing sleep. He did “not go gentle into that
goodnight”, but raged “against the dying of the light”.
Ethan didn’t live a long life, but he
lived every moment with passion and enthusiasm – and what Socrates would have
called an examined life, owing to that intense curiosity - and
those are the marks of a life well-lived.
We should let Ethan’s passion inspire
us to move forward and soldier-on - with passion and hope, and curious awe – in
our own lives, in fond remembrance and gratitude of Ethan’s contributions to
them.
Ethan was the best friend of everyone
he ever met. He was the first person to call me brother and comrade. His
passionate righteous indignation, towards abuse of power, was an inspiration to
me, and the way he greeted me was a constant reminder that he believed in me.
Ethan made the personal political, and
made the political personal. He inspired us to learn more, to listen more, and
to care more. He made it cool to care more, and to want to know more.
He was someone who could talk to
anybody, no matter their level of education, and fit right in, wherever he was.
He was always ready to delve into any topic; from psychology to anthropology;
from astronomy to the beyond. And above all, he was a good listener, which was
because of how much he cared.
Ethan was selfless beyond measure;
dropping whatever he was doing to help his friends. He inspired us to care
more; about the world, about him, and about ourselves… by showing more interest
in helping us with our problems, than we thought we even deserved.
It’s hard to contemplate the passing of
such a young man, but we must remember, “It’s not the years in your life; it’s
the life in your years.”
Ethan didn’t live a long time,
but he lived a lot, and he lived it up. He served in the military. He got to
experience another culture; that of Korea, which he admired fondly. He helped
clean-up Waukegan like it was his job. He served his community as a teacher. A
few times, he even found love. Maybe not true love, maybe not enough love, but
who among us can say that we’ve had enough of love?
That’s why I don’t want anyone leaving
here today wanting for affection. Let’s not go and take our eyes off each
other; not today, nor tomorrow, nor any other day. Let us be Ethan’s extended
family, in support of Lana and Elanna, as they go through this difficult time.
We will honor Ethan’s memory by loving
and supporting each other; by giving each other the care and support that we
need, to get through this, and then move forward with our lives, with the same
determination and love of life with which Ethan lived; thankful that we’d had a
chance to know him, and living in a way that will show gratitude to him, for
his contribution to our lives.
Some of us will attempt to continue his
legacy - as advocates for peace, and veterans, and the homeless and hungry, and
the Earth - as Ethan was. Others will reflect fondly upon having known him, in
a more personal way. Some of us will do both.
Many of us will be grateful for the
help he provided us; and many will wish that they had collaborated with him, or
celebrated with him, more.
But we can all be thankful that we were
on good terms with him when he passed. He was too peaceful a person – and too
at-peace with others - to hold a grudge against anybody.
None of us could have predicted what,
exactly, would be the problem that took our friend away from us.
Still, some of us might wonder what
more they could have done to help Ethan, or to have prevented the accident… but
perhaps just as many of us are wondering whether they helped Ethan too much, or
helped him the wrong way, or at the wrong time. At times, it wasn’t clear to
him, who he should trust; at other times, he wasn’t sure he deserved
help. But other times, it was just that he preferred to rely on himself
for the time being.
Ethan’s trust in us never subsided, nor
did his willingness to accept help. And he gave back, of himself, every bit as
much as we gave him, and he was happy to do so. It was evident in the way he
always made sure we were fed, and that we were welcome in his presence.
As sad as Ethan’s passing is, Ethan
would want us to move forward, and proceed with the same love of life with
which he lived at every moment… and to be glad that we knew him, happy to be
chosen as his friends, and as the people he trusted.
We’re also here today to honor the life
of Ethan’s personal hero and father, Buddy Winnett; a jockey, a rodeo
entertainer, and long-distance runner, whom Ethan was so proud of… and whose
frankness and grit continue to serve as a source of inspiration, strength, and
resilience to his daughter Elanna and his wife Lana, who steadfastly cared for
him in sickness and in health during his last years.
I’ve learned that Buddy was just as
much of a “larger-than-life” person as his son was, that each of them lived
life like they were multiple amazing people wrapped together in one.
And that’s why the passing of Ethan and
Buddy are so difficult. Ethan was a veteran of the U.S. Armed Forces, a
teacher, an activist, a local hero for the hungry and homeless, and for nature.
Ethan - and his father - were both so many different people to us in our lives.
But we can all say – to Lana and Elanna
– that we are so sorry for your loss, that anything we can do to help is yours;
and that Buddy and Ethan loved you, and would be proud of you.
There’s not much positive that we can
glean from this sad event. Our friend has been taken away, and we will never
see him again.
But we must take whatever comfort we
can in knowing that Ethan was not burned, did not suffer long, did not suffer
much, and that his suffering is no more.
While Ethan is lost, we must take
solace in the fact that Ethan’s neighbors – as well as our beloved friends
Elanna, Carol, Philip, and Robbie, who sometimes stayed over – were not
among those we lost that day. We love them dearly, and are so grateful for
their presence in our lives, and we must all remind each other of this every
day (especially tomorrow, Thanksgiving).
But it’s not just about what can be
salvaged, from this event, that will help us to move on. It’s what we can build
together, going forward - as a community - to rebound from this loss.
It is difficult for men to tell their
friends that they love them. I’m glad to have had the fortune of telling Ethan
this before he passed (and he knew that all of you, here today, loved him). But
as difficult as it is to say “I love you”, it’s even more difficult to say “I’m
worried about you.”
We will honor Ethan by making it cool
to care, just as he did. By making it cool to want to be informed, and to help
others, and cool to take care of yourself and the planet. And by building a
world where nobody is ashamed to ask for help, or accept help.
It may help, to bring us some comfort,
to name the things that didn’t take our friend away; the
enemies he was too strong to be defeated by.
Homelessness and poverty? Not dangerous
enough to take him. Depression? Not strong enough to take him; he loved life
too much. Industrial pollution, or disease? Not strong enough to harm him.
Those who make war for corrupt purposes?… Not strong enough to take him.
Ethan never stopped trying. And neither
should we. We will remember and honor Ethan every day, by never giving up; and
by never being discouraged; and by loving, whatever happens.
And so, in tribute to Ethan’s life
well-lived, and of his overcoming all discouragement, we resolve not to succumb
to sadness, but to let Ethan’s life inspire us to live with the same joy with
which he lived.
And to mourn him, and to be sad when we
need to be sad; but also to be strong and confident, and take Ethan’s passing
in stride – and to be appreciative to him, and to take pride in having known
him, and to have enriched one-another’s lives – and in knowing that we
were the ones he loved back. That was an honor, and the love and care
and trust that he showed to us, was his gift to us, and nothing can ever take
that away.
We will miss him dearly, while
cherishing and taking solace in the fact that we knew him, in fond remembrance
of the time we got to spend with him; beloved son of Buddy and Lana, and of
this community; brother of Elanna and Buddy Jr. and others - giving of himself
beyond measure, inspiring and awe-inspired at every turn – our dear Ethan
August Winnett.
May we live a way that would make
Ethan proud of us – and help us to remain worthy to have had his friendship –
by showing each other the same care that he gave us, and that we gave him.
May we remember that many of the same
things we loved about Ethan, are things we love about each other, and about
ourselves. And all the kindnesses we would have shown Ethan from this point
forward, let us share them with one another, and be kind to ourselves as well.
Let us spend tomorrow being thankful,
and grateful that we were the ones who Ethan loved back, and let us show our
gratitude to Ethan – for honoring us with his love and friendship; not by
feeling bad that Ethan isn’t around to enjoy life with us, but by loving and
enjoying life twice as much; for ourselves and for him.
We now return Ethan to nature, and to
the Earth; and bid farewell to our fair Ethan August Winnett; cherished son,
brother, friend, and comrade; our brave warrior for eternal peace.
No one is gone who is remembered.
Goodbye, Ethan; may you live always,
through never being forgotten; may comfort and peace be upon your family; and
may hostility lay its last weapon at your feet.
End Note
I have previously written and published
two memoriams about Ethan, which can be read at the following links:
1. "In Memoriam: Green Party of
Lake Cunty, Illinois Announces Passing of Chairman Ethan Winnett",
published on October 20th, 2023:
http://aquarianagrarian.blogspot.com/2023/10/green-party-of-lake-county-illinois.html
2. "In Memoriam: General-Purpose
Obituary for Ethan August Winnett (for Release and Publication)",
published on November 3rd, 2023:
http://aquarianagrarian.blogspot.com/2023/11/in-memoriam-general-purpose-obituary.html
Author's Note and End Note written on
December 28th, 2023
Eulogy written between mid-November
and November 22nd, 2023
Published on December 28th, 2023
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