Table
of Contents
I.
First Introduction: Abstract / Summary
II. Second Introduction: Goals and Purpose of This Article
II. Second Introduction: Goals and Purpose of This Article
III.
Third Introduction: Why I Wrote This Article
IV.
Six Reasons Why Children Should Not Be Hit
V.
Why Children Should Not Be Circumcised
VI.
The Primary Duties of a Parent
VII.
Why Young Children Should Not Get Their Ears Pierced
VIII.
Twenty Reasons Why Minors Should Not Get Tattoos or Body Piercings
IX.
Why You Don't Have the Right to Sell a Part of Your Child's Body
X.
Which Institutions in Our Society Are the Most Plagued by Child
Abuse?
XI. Constitutional Analysis of How to Achieve Legal Changes in These Policy Areas
XI. Constitutional Analysis of How to Achieve Legal Changes in These Policy Areas
XII.
Conclusions
Content
I. First Introduction: Abstract / Summary
What follows - aside from an explanation and defense of my thoughts on those topics - represents a more or less comprehensive encapsulation of how I think children ought to be raised, aside from the topics of adoption, abortion and infanticide, and children's education.
This
article is also intended to function as a general treatise on my
understanding of how and why children have limited ability to give
consent.
To be clear, when I say (in the title of this article) that I am “against the beating, piercing, and tattooing of minors”, I mean to say that I oppose the beating of children except in the most extreme of circumstances (which I will explain). Also, that I oppose the circumcision, tattooing, and body piercing of minors under 16, regardless of the presence of parental consent, and regardless of whether the state has legalized it. Additionally, I mean to say that I oppose the piercing of very young children's ears.
In
this article, I will focus on four types of adult/child interactions
which cause me the most concern, since they involve the direct and
willing infliction of pain upon children by adults: 1) beating,
hitting, and spanking; 2) infant genital mutilation; 3) the piercing
of minors; and 4) the tattooing of minors.
Additionally,
will explain why I believe that parents whom allow their children to
get piercings and tattoos, are either enabling their children's
self-harm, or exposing them to a great risk of self-harm and/or harm
by others.
I
will also explain, throughout the article, why I think that the
child's ability to give truly, fully informed consent
is vastly outweighed
by the power of suggestion of both the parents and the state. I will
defend the notion that the state's and parents' approval of beating
or spanking does not make it consensual on the part of the child.
I
will also explain why I think that the fact of the state's and
parents' approval of the circumcision, piercing, nor tattooing of
minors, should not be construed to suggest that the standards of
governments and some parents should be the example for all parents,
or for society in general.
I
will defend the notion that beating, circumcision, piercing, and
tattooing – and other actions – put children at risk of not only
self-harm, but also delinquency, endangerment, neglect, and
insufficient protection. I will also explain why I believe that
parents should be charged
with
child neglect, child endangerment and reckless child endangerment,
and contributing to the delinquency of a minor, if they allow their
children to come to harm in these ways.
I
will also explain why I think that all of these abuses of children
constitute not only direct
physical child
abuse, but also behavioral conditioning to avoid resisting adults'
attempts to compliment their looks, flirt with them, and even “buy
them” in various surreptitious ways (as well as, potentially, even
pseudo-sexual or semi-sexual forms of child abuse).
Following
that, I will explain why I believe parents do not have the right to
sell their children's foreskins to medical research companies.
Penultimately, I will share my thoughts regarding which locations,
and which institutions and industries in our society, I believe are
the most plagued with pedophile grooming, child sexual abuse, and
human trafficking; and give some additional advice to parents about
how to protect their children from various threats.
Finally,
I will explain my thoughts about what the law ought to be in regards
to the beating, circumcision, piercing, and tattooing of minors; as
well my thoughts regarding the obstacles and advantages to making
progress through enacting either federal law or state laws to address
these problems.
At the end of this article and throughout, I have provided links to my other articles on topics relevant to those discussed herein.
II.
Second Introduction: Goals and Purpose of This Article
Looking
around this country for the past twenty years, I have been horrified
to have to contend with the average American adult's lack of
understanding of what constitutes consent. Considering the
deprivation of our civil liberties since 9/11, I especially doubt
that the the government
understands
the need for its authority to derive from “the
consent of the
governed”.
But
the need for consent of the governed, does not concern me as much as
does the average American's understanding of why children do not have
the ability to consent to life-long decisions (especially those which
involve physical pain). I have documented many of these instances of
abuse, in my May 2017 "listicle" (article / list) entitled
"One Hundred Four Links About Arrest and Abusive Treatment of
Students", available at the following link:
Since
the parietal (frontal) lobes of children's brains are not as
well-developed as those of adults, their ability to understand
long-term consequences - and make complex decisions based on those
consequences - is relatively limited. Teenagers do not make decisions
based on information, nor facts, nor pros and cons, nor cost-benefit
analyses. For the most part, they process information - and make
decisions - based on emotions, which are regulated by the amygdala,
not
the frontal lobe.
The
frontal lobes of children's brains are not well-developed enough to
make important decisions through careful thinking and through using
facts, as opposed to making decisions according to their feelings and
according to impulse. There is even recent research that suggests
that the human brain doesn't fully
mature
until the age of 25.
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=141164708
This
is why children who have not yet reached the age of 18 (or 17, in
about half of the states' primaries) are not allowed to vote in
elections. It is why their ability to enter into contracts -
including work contracts and marriage contracts - are limited by law,
and by the consent of judges and parents.
[Side
note, concerning the age of consent in an anarchist society:
Even
if elections are rigged, and the government is illegitimate (and they
are), establishing an age of consent to interactions bearing many
potentially life-altering or negative consequences, is essential to
ensuring the survival of civil society. This is always true, whether
anarchists are seeking to establish a moral code either outside, or
against, the
state.
If
you believe that any contracts and binding decisions which are made
in society, should be made voluntarily and
furthermore in a way that ensures minors' full information alongside
parental guidance, when making decisions bearing life-long
consequences, that doesn't necessarily make you “a statist”, and
it doesn't mean you support the use of legitimized force against
peaceful people.
Whatever
contracts or decisions anarchists decide to adopt concerning the age
of consent, should be at least as good as, or
better than,
whatever age of consent laws the federal and state governments are
enforcing now.
If
a community of anarchists declines to set any minimum age required
for working, being party to contracts, marrying, etc.,
then
people who trust government because they want a moral society in
which children are safe, will not see anarchism and the abolition of
government as solutions to the problem of child exploitation. They
will correctly note that government sets an age of consent, while
anarchists don't. And if anarchists are resolved not
to
set any age of consent requirements whatsoever, then the only way
they can prove they're responsible, is to adopt some comprehensive,
serious, and rigorous set of checks against the power of adults to
exploit children.
Throughout
this article, I will support the idea that the age of consent to
various activities, are set too low in most states, as well as by the
federal government. I will additionally support the idea that
potential anarchist replacements
for age requirements – such as the notion that a child may work or
marry, provided that they are “sophisticated” and “mature”
enough – also
risk causing us to run into some problems, in terms of our standards
about judging whether a child has full or impaired ability to
consent.]
Decisions
bearing life-long consequences, are the types of decisions that can
have effects that last throughout one's entire lifetime. This is
especially true in regards to decisions which involve the direct and
willing infliction of pain upon a child. I say this because children
can spend decades recovering from physical child abuse.
Sure,
a child might appear
to “consent” to some things; say, for example, being lightly
punched by a parent while they are young. More accurately, they can
be tricked
into appearing
to consent. But children cannot
consent to this behavior; not if it happens over and over again, nor
if they are conditioned to accept punching as a normal everyday part
of discipline or play, nor if punches are inflicted upon the child by
a much older adult who should know better. A child cannot consent to
the years of emotional trauma which may result from an apparently
consensual thing that happens to them while they are still too young
to know for how long it will continue to affect them and bother them.
Decisions
which affect children for their entire lives, especially decisions
involving physical pain or permanent disfigurement, are too complex
for children to make. But to leave pain and dismemberment aside for a
moment, and to deal solely with decision-making: children may
regret
the decisions they made when they were children, once they come of
age. Children are not yet able to understand all the activities from
which they may be precluded, as a result of making an irreversible
decision before they come of age.
I
will explain in this article why the mere fact that judges and
parents can and do
"give
consent for a child to be married" - and the fact that judges
can emancipate minors, and other things - should not
suggest that society at large should accept these things as normal or
beneficial to children's well-being.
Governments
and parents who allow their children to be married, basically
"consent on the child's behalf". Which really means (as far
as I'm concerned) that the child who appears
to
consent to a marriage can never
be
consulted while they are "of sound mind and body". Which is
to say that no
child
is “of sound mind and body” - no
child
is in full possession of his wits and his decision-making capacities
– before reaching an age of mental and emotional maturity.
Additionally,
many important decisions a person could make, also
require that the person reach physical
maturity. I believe that physical maturity must be present – in
addition to mental and emotional maturity – for a person to make a
consensual decision about whether to submit to pain (or to harsh
labor, or tough physical conditioning, for that matter).
In
general, I will explain why I think the so-called “consent” given
by a minor under age 16 – even with
parental
consent and state legality – is not
sufficiently informed,
and therefore does not constitute truly and fully informed consent. I
will advance “fully informed consent, and awareness of most
possible negative consequences” as a stronger standard for ensuring
that consent has been given, than the mere appearance of consent.
I
believe that a child can never
fully
anticipate and weigh the pros and cons of all
of
the possible negative consequences pertaining to children interacting
with adults. Especially since children's inability (or significantly
impaired ability) to consent, precludes them from participating in
all sorts of contracts and interactions. But an awareness of most
potential negative consequences, might sometimes be good enough.
However, knowing most
consequences of an action, is not a guarantee that one will be aware
of the worst
possible consequence.
The
fact that children are precluded from participating in some adult
activities (including working, being party to contract, sex,
marriage, and even everyday social interactions with adults) may
upset some teenagers who believe that they are mature enough to
handle them. However, I will explain why I believe that the purpose
of excluding children from most adult activities, is to keep children
safe from exploitation and manipulation by adults. Especially, from
adults who tell children what they want to hear; and who feed their
desire to be told that they are
mature enough to handle it.
Although
I would consider many of those interactions natural rights that
should be free, in the event that the only people participating in
them were adults,
I will defend in this article the idea that children's
limited ability to fully comprehend what they think
they're consenting to, does not
qualify
them to become party to most contracts and interactions. And
especially not without both:
1)
significant parental guidance; and
2) full
parental information. Not just one or the other, but both.
And also, regardless of the opinion of a judge.
After
all, we're talking about fully
informed consent being
(or becoming) the standard. Not just some base level of “consent”,
which merely requires a person to be “talked into it”. For fully
voluntary consent to be said to have occurred, a person has to: 1) be
able to fully understand all of the potential consequences of an
action; and 2) not be forced, coerced, threatened, manipulated, nor
even pressured, into an interaction, in any way.
It
is not enough to assent
(that is, to give up struggle, having no realistic means to choose a
different alternative); we must consent,
and we must truly want
to do what we're doing, without any reservations, worries, more
pressures. Consent must not only be fully informed; it must be
enthusiastic. Additionally, free choices cannot be made without a
plethora of realistic alternatives. Nor can they be made when options
are taken away unreasonably, or when options are rendered difficult
or expensive to choose without cause.
That
is the standard which we should set for ensuring that adults
fully consent to decisions and actions. But since children are so
impressionable, they require extra
protection;
more protection than adults do. Children need to be shielded from the
possible manipulative and pressuring effects which may result from
certain adults' power
of suggestion.
This is to say that many children have been so well-conditioned to
trust parents and adult relatives and teachers and police officers,
etc., that
they have practically been trained to trust all
adults.
A
child should not take as gospel what an adult says, in several
situations. For example, if: 1) that adult doesn't know what he is
talking about; 2) that adult is overly confident or unsure of what he
is saying; or 3) that adult is just communicating a matter of his
opinion. Especially if that opinion is in regards to how a child
should be brought up, and how cautious a child should be about
kidnappers and predators; and especially if the child's parents are
not within earshot while the conversation is happening.
I
will explain herein why I think much
more consideration and protection than
Western society currently considers normal, is
necessary in order to keep children safe, and shielded from undue
influence by adults whom are not their parents. I will also explain
what I think are the roles of each the parents, the state, and other
adults in society, in protecting children.
III.
Third Introduction: Why I Wrote This Article
I grew up in an affluent suburb on the North Shore of Chicago, called Lake Bluff. Once, when I was eight years old (this would have been around 1995), I was dining with my parents, and a friend of my father's, at home.
My
father's friend had a daughter who was around 5 or 6 years old. He
was talking about how he had recently taken her to get her ear
pierced. I can't recall how the whole conversation went, but he
expressed a tinge of remorse or regret, or talked about how he
hesitated, in getting her ears pierced. It might have been due to a
concern about the pain involved, or the girl's youth, or perhaps
both.
I,
of course – being who I am, and also being, at that time, a
fly-on-the-wall eight-year-old – responded as rudely as possible to
this as I could; by pouncing on this father's slight amount of
regret, and attacking it with the first thought that came to my mind.
I don't remember exactly what I said, but it was something like, “You
know what would be a good thing to do? Not poke a hole in your
daughter's ear.” My reasoning went like this: If his daughter never
got her ear pierced, she wouldn't have to endure the pain, and he
wouldn't have to think about it. It seemed logical enough!
Immediately
thereafter, I began developing the reasoning that backed my opinion
up. At the age of eight, I already had some vague idea that it's
wrong to pierce a very young child's ears because: 1) it is painful;
and 2) it makes them “pretty”, when they're too young to need
to be pretty for anyone. The idea that 3) children are not mature
enough to be able to consent to that type of thing, was developed
later, and slowly.
The
next of my memorable experiences involving the piercing of minors,
occurred at the age of nine. I was in third grade, and a new student
joined my class; a male student with a single ear piercing. He told
us that if he'd had the other
ear
pierced, then it would mean that he was “gay” (homosexual). He
also told us that he was not gay.
There
were several strange things about this kid, aside from being the only
boy in the class with an ear piercing (and the only student with a
single ear
piercing, as well). Aside from the facts about sexuality which he
revealed while explaining his piercing, he would tell us other
things
about sex and the adult world. These included things that we, at age
eight and nine, did not necessarily want to know, but maybe thought
that
we wanted to know.
(Here's the thing about learning sexual things when you're still a
child: you don't know whether you really wanted it to happen, until
after
you become an adult.)
The
boy told us about how many men a woman could “take on” sexually
at the same time (which he claimed was five). He told us about how
the goth rock singer Marilyn Manson – then a new phenomenon, in the
mid- to late 1990s – had had his ribs removed in order to be able
to “suck his own dick”. Again, we were eight and nine years
old when this kid told us these things.
Some
of my readers may be thinking, “How do you end up going to school
with kids like that Where the Hell did you
go
to school? ” To repeat, I'm talking about affluent northern Chicago
suburb Lake Bluff, Illinois, and the District 67 school system.
I
assure you that this did happen; I personally observed it.
Additionally – and I don't mean to cite fiction in order to prove a
fact – fim directors such as John Hughes and Todd Solondz have
devoted large portions of their careers making films alluding to the
abuse and neglect of children being overlooked, and assumed to not
happen, in the suburbs. And art often imitates life.
The
list of strange things about this child continue! He had shadowy,
deep, sunken eyes. He looked like he either hadn't been exposed to
the sun much, or was overtired, or both. I noticed this at age eight,
and I was somewhat disturbed by it, but not enough to talk to any
adult about it. The child's appearance and behavior only became
suspicious enough to me to speak and write about as the years went
on.
Thinking
back now, I can't help but wonder whether this child looked the way
he did, because he was either kept inside, or deprived of sleep, in
order to perpetuate sexual abuse. If this child was, indeed, abused
physically or sexually, how could it have gone on so long unnoticed?
Not that I, nor any other innocent child, should have had the
responsibility to notice it. But what about the child's teachers, and
other parents?
The third and final of my childhood experiences involving the piercing of minors, which I would like to share with my readers, occurred when I was 13 (around 2000). I was in a homeroom class which was made up of students from multiple grades.
We
had all just returned from summer vacation. A 14-year-old girl came
up to me, said “look at my new belly button piercing”, and gave
me about half a second to decide whether I wanted to see it. I
realize, looking back on it, that she was basically “flashing” me
a part of her body, and giving me virtually no opportunity to decline
her offer to look at her piercing.
My
immediate reaction to this was twofold (aside from my unease with not
being given an adequate chance to decline): 1) I had a visceral
reaction to the thought of someone enduring pain on that part of
their body; and 2) I thought it was “slutty”. By the age of 13, I
was mature enough to express thought #2, so I expressed thought #1
instead, and said something like, “Didn't that hurt”?
And
I did think
it seemed “slutty” for a 14-year-old girl to get her navel
pierced. Especially if she was going to be showing it off like that;
probably to younger and older boys, and female friends alike.
Granted, when she “flashed” me, there was
supervision
by the homeroom teacher. But the teacher didn't think anything of it,
as far as I can remember, and made no attempts to either discipline
or defend the girl for that behavior, after she did the same thing to
several other students within the preceding moments.
At
that time, at the age of 13, I had some basic notion of “Doesn't
this girl realize that by wearing this body jewelry, she will be
basically encouraging boys and men to look downward on her body,
towards her groin? Shouldn't anyone who's talking to 13-year-old, be
looking them in the face, rather than at their torso, whether that
person is an adult or
a child?
Doesn't this piercing ensure that strangers, and maybe even adults,
will be enticed to look at that part of her body?”
I
also thought, "How could her mother approve of such a thing?"
I had no sense of just plain "that's kind of tacky", and it
definitely did not cross my mind that, “wow, she must have gotten
that piercing because she has a super-cool mom”. I don't want to
blame or "slut-shame" the girl, but I thought, "She
knows that this will make people look at her body all the time. She
knows what she's doing." But did she? Can someone as young as 14
really be trusted to make a decision to get pierced, and to wear body
jewelry? Granted, the holes from piercings will disappear if the
rings are taken out, but isn't it inappropriate for someone that age
to wear body jewelry for
any duration of time?
For
this girl to display her body in class in this manner, risks
normalizing the same behavior by the other children in the homeroom
class. Especially students younger than she was, such as myself at
that time. The purpose of body jewelry is to advertise for a mate.
Just like young girls having their ears pierced, 14-year-old girls do
not need to attract a mate, much less with jewelry that they
know will
attract people's eyes downward. Which invites anyone
and everyone
to focus their attention towards those parts of a 14-year-old's body.
I
now understand that the privilege of wearing body jewelry, and
wedding rings, are supposed to be reserved for adults, because they
are signals that indicate whether a person is looking for a mate or
not. And minors should not be participating in this sort of
signaling, especially if it involves or requires permanently altering
parts of their body.
I
can honestly say that I feel traumatized by what I was told by that
new student in my third grade class. And, in a somewhat similar way,
I was traumatized by being “semi-consensually” flashed a belly
button piercing by a 14-year-old girl when I was 13.
It's
not that I didn't enjoy looking at an older girl's body, I just
couldn't bear to look at her there, because of the thought of the
pain involved. I felt
that
pain, sympathetically. Especially because it was a small, pretty
young girl who willingly chose to endure pain. I just couldn't
process the thought of anyone purposely inflicting pain on a girl –
especially a girl that young, or
anyone
for that matter – without
themselves feeling that pain too, and without experiencing a feeling
of revulsion at the thought that they're inflicting pain on someone
else. I mean haven't we even observed rats
feeling
a revulsion towards causing pain to other rats?
Why would this girl let
someone
put her through this pain? Was the pain "worth it", and
what did she get out of it? What kind of person would poke a hole in
another human being, especially a 14-year-old girl, and probably for
money,
no less?
Something
about these events just didn't sit right with me when they happened.
But they must have not upset me quite enough to consider talking
about it with my parents or teachers. I still regret not having done
so.
That
aside, my thoughts on these events have matured significantly since I
went through them, and so has my reasoning regarding why I believe
that children should not be exposed to the risks associated with
piercings and tattoos.
What
I can do about it now, is to impart the thoughts and advice that I
have on these topics, and use this article to prompt a new
conversation about these topics, both in private and in public.
Aside from the personal experiences I've recounted above, the other reasons why I've written this article, is because I have recently noticed that more and more parents are allowing their children to get tattoos before they are 18, sometimes at ages as low as 12, or even younger. I have even discovered one tattoo artist who allowed his daughter to give tattoos to adults at the age of just 6 or 9 years old, while allowing the girl to wear temporary tattoos as well.
Articles on that story can be viewed at the following links:
http://www.littlethings.com/noko-nishigaki-tattoo-artist/
http://au.news.yahoo.com/nine-year-old-girl-follows-dads-footsteps-become-tattoo-artist-060223442.html
I've written this article to explain why I think that nobody under 16 should be tattooed under any circumstances. I will also explain why I believe that temporary tattoos and "semi-permanent" makeup are gateways to permanent tattoos (as well as more drastic alterations of appearance).
Aside
from the issues of tattooing and piercing minors, I am also writing
this to explain why I think that, under no circumstances, should
anyone under 16 be considered capable of consenting to, nor
considered to be "asking for", getting beaten as
punishment. I defend this idea, contrary to the twisted logic of some
of the more thoughtless and cruel parents, who jump to physical
discipline as their first-ditch effort, and give their children
little to no indication as to what will cause them to resort to
physical methods of discipline.
Herein,
I criticize egregious, unnecessary, and disproportionately violent
hitting, beating, and spanking of children by parents, which I feel
that too many parents accept. In this article, I give some practical
advice to parents about how to make hitting and spanking into
last-ditch disciplinary efforts only.
Aside
from piercing, tattooing, and beating, I have also written this
article in order to criticize the practices of circumcision and
female genital mutilation, to compare and contrast them with one
another, and with the other practices discussed in this article.
I
give this advice not only in the interest of helping children avoid
unnecessary physical pain and trauma; but also in the interest of
helping parents avoid losing their children's respect through using
too harsh disciplinary techniques; and also to help parents avoid
accidentally inculcating their child into obeying, and not
questioning, the authority of adults.
I
give this advice out of concern about parents, and other adults, who
may wish to coax their children into – or else refusing to consider
the dangers involved in – submitting to pain inflicted by adults,
in exchange for pleasure, beauty, money, a long-term career, a mate,
and/or other rewards.
I
aim to explain, throughout this article, as many of the potential
negative consequences and connotations of piercing and tattooing,
that I can think of.
I
will also explain why I believe that to pierce or tattoo a minor is
to expose them to the risks of more potential negative consequences
than even parents
and governments can
anticipate. Additionally, I will explain why I think that means that
a child's consent to some painful and/or life-changing decision –
even if enthusiastic – means almost nothing; without regard to
whether they are being guided by parents or government, and without
regard to how direct that guidance is.
But
first, it will be necessary to explain why children should not have
pain directly and willfully inflicted upon them. I will explain my
thoughts on that within the context of why I believe that children
should be neither hit, spanked, nor beaten (except in extreme
circumstances), nor have their genitals mutilated.
IV. Six Reasons Why Children Should Not Be Hit
Preface
As a preface to my six
reasons why children should not be hit, I would like to clarify and
qualify.
When I say “hitting”, I mean to include beating and spanking, in addition to striking. I regard all of these as more or less the same thing, because they all involve direct application of physical force and pressure, by the adult upon the child, with the deliberate intent of causing pain.
When I say “hitting”, I mean to include beating and spanking, in addition to striking. I regard all of these as more or less the same thing, because they all involve direct application of physical force and pressure, by the adult upon the child, with the deliberate intent of causing pain.
Don't misunderstand me;
if a child is about to die, or is hurting another child badly, or
doing something that is extremely likely to result in their imminent
death, injury, or kidnapping, then the use of physical power is
necessary. But that should not imply that force is always useful and
necessary to prevent harm to the child, nor that it should be
acceptable when force is used when other techniques such as blocking
and restraint can be tried before more forceful measures need to be
attempted.
But by all means, if a
child's life is in clear and present danger, and “violent force”
or some sort of “violent” restraint is for some reason the only
thing that can save them – like jerking them away from a moving car
in a way that causes a slight amount of pain to them – then that
“force” should be considered acceptable. Moreover, the action
would certainly qualify as saving the child from imminent harm,
and/or saving the child from itself, so some limited degree of
“force”, as I described, would be acceptable, to avoid a greater
harm from befalling the child.
However, my acceptance
of the use of “force” in such situations, should not be construed
to mean that parents may use force on their children whenever they
think that not doing so will result in a greater amount of harm to
the child, as compared to if the parent were to refrain from hitting
the child. That is not at all what I mean to say.
First off, for children
under two, it would be brutal and extremely unnecessary for an adult
to strike a tiny baby or infant (whether it's beating, hitting,
slapping, spanking, or anything). The sheer size and relative power
of the adult, relative to the child, is automatically an instance of
disproportionate use of force. That is not a fair fight, and children
should not be fighting anyone,
especially adults. (I see you, child fighting leagues.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8TWHAwAJaIQ)
For
children between the ages of two and six, something which could sort
of be called “force”, or
“forceful”, might
be acceptable, but only to control and punish behaviors that are
actually violent and threatening. These include destructive and
self-destructive outbursts, hurting other children deliberately, or
(perhaps) extremely mean comments and bullying of other children. But
overt force – such as spanking, hitting, beating, etc.
- should not be among the first resorts.
If
a child smart-mouths - and says really
hurtful
things, or things that endanger them – then it might be acceptable
to introduce some sort of threat into their discipline, because if
they're smart-mouths, then it's possible that they can be reasoned
with. However, that threat need not be physical. Confining the child
to its room, taking cell phones and internet etc.
away,
and restricting the child's social hours, can and should all be tried
before resorting to striking a child in any way.
Of course, if the child is recklessly disobedient, to the point
where they risk their life on a near-daily basis, then, yes, overt
forms of restraint and even “trapping” - and maybe even physical
force is probably necessary to keep the child from running away and
doing something it will regret. Especially if the kid is especially
violent or threatening to join a gang.
In my opinion, it would be ridiculous to argue that a child any
younger than 7 years old has any capacity to understand the long-term
consequences of what they do, nor a well-developed ability to
understand that other people are other people, feel feelings, and can
feel pain.
To repeat, I believe that smart-mouth children can probably be
reasoned with (since they think they're so smart). As such, many of
them can probably be talked out of the most reckless of behaviors
they are considering. But children age seven and younger should not
be expected to be reasoned with.
As
a matter of fact, six or seven is the age at which most American
parents have just stopped lying
to their children (if not later). Like about things like Santa Claus
and the Easter Bunny. We should not expect children to adjust well to
us lying to them for six years, and then, just a year after we tell
them Santa and the Easter Bunny are fake, expecting them to know it's
wrong to hit other children and steal from them, and be fully
accountable for their decisions.
Unless you like seeing 7-year-old children handcuffed in courtrooms
on trial for murders they accidentally committed. Which are
definitely accidental, because - if you need a reminder - is because
they don't know any better, because they're children. They haven't
been around as long, to learn as much as adults have about the world
around them, and about the possible dangers around them.
Additionally, to develop their awareness and decision-making
abilities. So they shouldn't be held to as high a standard of
culpability and awareness as adults are. It's as simple as that. I'm
not sure why some people need so much explanation.
In
general, there is more or less nothing a child
could do which would merit being hit. It may seem as though I have
just named a lot of them, but I've really only named: 1) the
child committing,
or realistically threatening, physical force; and/or 2) “joining
gangs” (but remember, that includes the girls, too; don't think I
don't hear Lana del Rey singing about running away and joining biker
gangs http://genius.com/Lana-del-rey-yayo-lyrics).
And then I explained that other methods should be used before
resorting to overt force.
As such, I cannot conceive of
a circumstance in which I would approve of hitting a child below the
age of seven or eight years old. Only using or threatening violence;
committing reckless acts of disobedience; or ignoring their parent's
warnings about dangers to their life, limb, and liberty; could
possibly justify such a thing, and – at that – it must be to
prevent greater harm from resulting.
Additionally, I think parents should be held fully responsible for
any harm, threats, force, and fraud committed by their child.
However, this is not to say that the parent should serve the full
sentence which an adult would serve if they committed the same crime,
considering that the child did not know better, and the parent did
not commit the act. But an adult should receive a sentence which is
similar in form to the sentence which they would receive if they had
committed the act personally, but which is a lesser punishment than
if the adult had done so personally.
The
frontal lobe of the human brain – the part that controls
decision-making – continues developing throughout the first 25
to 30
years of life. This means that, even when children reach their late
teen years,
their decision-making abilities are likely still
not well-developed enough to fully understand the long-term
consequences of their decisions.
You
can read articles
about the development of children's brains and decision-making
abilities
here: http://www.tenneyschool.com/frontal-lobe-brain-teen-decision-making/
The
fact that people significantly below the age of 25 or 30 have
significantly less developed decision-making abilities, hinders,
and calls into question, minors' ability to fully consent to
activities, in a manner which is sufficiently informed, conscious and
aware of repercussions (including how they could be held responsible,
and how their action could result in harm to someone else or
themselves). And that standard is what is necessary for true and full
consent to be said to have occurred. I cannot imagine that any child
below the age of 16 is capable of fully consenting to any
potentially harmful and/or life-altering decision in such a manner.
Granted,
children can gradually be introduced to responsibilities, between the
age at which they learn to speak and/or clean up after themselves,
and the age at which they leave their parents' home. In particular,
children must eventually be introduced to the responsibility to take
care of passengers in their cars, when they learn to drive. And that
is why so much practice is required of them before they can hit the
road without an adult.
But
aside from the responsibility to care for others' safety on the road:
Minors shouldn't be relied upon to be trusted to save someone's life;
unless they are an older teen with lifeguard training, or a minor
well-trained in emergency resuscitation. But even if a child has such
capacities, it would in most cases probably be too traumatic for the
child to have to bear the consequences of failing to save someone's
life, such as having to contend with the possibility that they're
responsible. As a child, they wouldn't be responsible, and probably
shouldn't be relied
upon to
save people's lives or watch over people's safety, but that is not to
say that a child capable of reviving someone should be prevented from
doing so, especially if it is as a last resort.
The
fact that children can be gradually introduced to responsibilities,
does not necessarily guarantee that they will be able to handle - nor
that they should be held fully responsible for - the consequences
that come with those responsibilities. That is why we gradually
introduce
responsibilities to them, and it's also why we make privileges
conditional upon responsibilities.
But
we must remember not take children's rights
away, as a punishment for failing to live up to responsibilities and
earn privileges. The
privilege
can and should be taken away when a child shirks a responsibility,
but the freedoms
a child needs to survive must not. These include the freedoms to
breathe, eat, and move around (at least within the house). To take
away a child's right to those things, as well as warmth and shelter,
would be completely unreasonable punishments; as a reaction to
shirking responsibility, and as a reaction to anything but the most
violent, reckless, or threatening behavior a child could do.
I will explain throughout the remainder of this essay why I believe
that children's impaired ability to make decisions, primarily hinge
on the importance of avoiding situations which could result in
negative life-long consequences befalling the child; especially those
which directly involve or are extremely likely to involve physical
harm (and/or severe emotional harm) to themselves and/or to others.
I
will also explain why these situations which bear negative
consequences that specifically
and directly involve
the infliction of physical pain upon children, must logically include
the tattooing and piercing of children under 16, because of the
nature of what those actions entail.
I
will also explain why I believe adults must be around to guide
children away
from such decisions, because adults can think of possible negative
consequences of actions, which children aren't capable of imagining.
However, that doesn't mean that adults always will
think of all the consequences.
Reason #1: Almost Nothing Kids Do Merits Violence
Not
that you should need
a reason not to hit children, but the first reason not to hit kids,
is that it's exceedingly rare that they would do something so bad,
that it could merit using physical violence. And what follows is my
explanation of why hitting children is almost never an appropriate or
necessary punishment for anything a child could do (falling short of
committing or realistically threatening overt violence).
Physical violence does not “correct” children's behavior.
Hitting, beating, and spanking are not examples of “discipline”,
although some may wish to call it “physical discipline”. Examples
of discipline which a child should be learning, include, first,
gaining control over their basic bodily functions, so that they're at
least capable of doing a single thing or being outside for several
hours at a time. And then, later, once they're capable, adhering to
normal school and sleep schedules, studying, and scheduling hobbies
and other activities.
Adults
must not use hitting, spanking, beating, caning, etc.
as substitutes for either
discipline or education.
Physically hitting a child, does not “teach” them anything,
except to endure your abuse. Unless a child is threatening force (and
is realistically capable of delivering on their threat) - or the
child is actually using
force
– then to use direct physical force against the child would most
likely not be
worth the cost of saving the child from any potential harm (to
whomever) which could result from their actions (that is, because
such risks would be low, given that no harm is risked).
Additionally, the cost of teaching the child to grow accustomed to
being hit - whether for discipline, “education”, or any other
reason – has consequences, and they are often long-lasting, and
devastating to child development and the consistency of family
structure and a nurturing home.
A
child who grows up in constant fear of being hit by its parent, will
cry and cower out of fear – and shrink from their parents' commands
– solely out of fear of being hit again. Far be it from me to
explain
why, but apparently some parents are too inconsiderate of the
possibility that they're hitting their child for crying, because he's
crying,
which is because he thinks his parent is going to hit him again.
For a parent to continue to hit a child for crying for fear of being
hit, is to perpetuate a never-ending cycle of abuse.
To hear a song about that topic, listen to Kimya Dawson's 2002 song "Stinky Stuff (Hold My Hand)": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zpvinhZnMI8
To hear a song about that topic, listen to Kimya Dawson's 2002 song "Stinky Stuff (Hold My Hand)": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zpvinhZnMI8
All children, and adults, need
natural human rights to live, and to grow safely and comfortably. No
child deserves to grow up having no clue how to talk his parents out
of beating him. Any parent who is too quick to resort to physical
“discipline” of the child – or who issues too many commands
such that no child could possibly follow all of them and still be in
full compliance, or demands too much transparency into the child's
life to the point where it interferes with the child's innate right
to personal privacy and bodily autonomy – is at risk of not only
communicating to the child that they are not allowed to question or
resist a parent who is hurting them.
And
that, I believe, increases the chances that the child might think
they have no right to resist other
adults
who may want to willingly and openly inflict pain on them. It
probably also increases the odds that the child will eventually teach
the same behavior to its own children.
To hear a song about that topic, listen to Lou Reed's 1989 song "Endless Cycle": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VFulWX-sD_g
Watch the following video, and ask yourself - whatever this kid did - whether it was truly necessary for the adult to use the amount of force he did to get the child to stop shoving him.
http://1079ishot.com/out-of-control-kid-taunts-pushes-man-messing-with-cars-video/
To hear a song about that topic, listen to Lou Reed's 1989 song "Endless Cycle": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VFulWX-sD_g
Watch the following video, and ask yourself - whatever this kid did - whether it was truly necessary for the adult to use the amount of force he did to get the child to stop shoving him.
http://1079ishot.com/out-of-control-kid-taunts-pushes-man-messing-with-cars-video/
Reason #2: Most Adults Are Larger and Stronger Than Children, Such That Nearly All Uses of Physical Force by Adults Against Children Amount to Disproportionate Violence
Reason #3: Enduring Pain as a Child, and Being Coached Through It, Damages the Nervous System, and Changes the Way Children Process Pain
Reason #4: The Use of Violence Demoralizes its User, Delegitimizes its User's Authority, and is No Substitute for Non-Violent Attempts at Reasoning with the Child
Reason #5: Hitting of Any Kind is a Violation of the Child's Right to Autonomy Over its Body, and Spanking is a Violation of the Child's Autonomy Over its Private Parts and Genital Areas
Reason #6: Overt Forms of Physical Punishment (Like Beating, Hitting, and Spanking) are Not the Only Traumatizing Forms of Physical Punishment; Subduing and Tickling Can Be Traumatic Too
[Explanations for reasons #2-6 as to why children shouldn't be hit, will appear here at a later date, as will the following sections of this article:
V.
Why Children Should Not Be Circumcised
VI.
The Primary Duties of a Parent
VII.
Why Young Children Should Not Get Their Ears Pierced
VIII.
Twenty Reasons Why Minors Should Not Get Tattoos or Body Piercings
IX.
Why You Don't Have the Right to Sell a Part of Your Child's Body
X.
Which Institutions in Our Society Are the Most Plagued by Child
Abuse?
XI. Constitutional Analysis of How to Achieve Legal Changes in These Policy Areas
XI. Constitutional Analysis of How to Achieve Legal Changes in These Policy Areas
XII.
Conclusions]
Originally
Written on May 3rd and 9th, 2019
Originally Published (in part) on May 9th, 2019
Originally Published (in part) on May 9th, 2019
Based
on Notes Written between April 28th and May 9th,
2019
Edited
and Expanded on May 11th, and June 12th, 18th, and 21st,
and July 9th, 2019
and July 9th, 2019
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