Currency Wars: How to Game the System

            The Pharaohs were right again, there is a war coming!

            That’s right, a war is brewing – in a pyramid-shaped brewery, no less – between currencies. This is not a mere battle between coins and paper, but one between very currencies and moneys themselves!

            This being anything other than a game of rock-paper-scissors, the John Nashes among us can return from our C.I.A.-backed drawing boards (or, rather, conspiracy webs). I mean, let’s not kid ourselves, we have a faith-based currency. Fiat currency is literally backed by say-so.

            Thus, it is not socio-cultural convention that dictates the value of the USD; it is power. From time immemorial, currencies have always been backed by power, from the labor conditions that accompanied the mining of currencies’ materials, to the conditions which brought about the widespread acceptance (“accept” being the operative word) of the currency.

Nobody begs for currency (except when they do; really, except when they need to). It was always power that gave value to these worthless little unpossessed trinkets (unpossessed in both senses of the word) in our pockets. That’s why ours must be a monetary theory predicated upon the veracity of the Power Theory of Value.

            Most of us view currencies and moneys as having a distinction and/or a difference, but the waxing crescent will soon reveal where our real values lie. This is why our masterless masters tell us; money is a real store of value, while currency is a representation. Currency is a symbol, a spectre, a spook, a phantasm, a dybbuk; it has no real value in and of itself. And just like a dybbuk or a vampire, or Jesus or God, it cannot come in – cannot receive your value, your credit, your belief – unless you invite it in.

That is, unless the currency you use is living.

            This is why how much money you get for your work, and what you spend your money on, are less valuable than what your choice of money (or currency) is in the first place.

I mean, if you conduct all of your transactions in wampum, you’re not going to be very successful unless you only trade with the Seneca and the Onondaga, or you want to move a lot of quahog shells in general. Or beaver pelts, for that matter; both make excellent currencies. All I’m saying is that resource-backed currencies are making a comeback, I’m not trying to make any value judgments.

Now it’s time to make some value judgments.

The truly best way to game the system is to make it your 40-hours-a-week business to decide how much each currency is worth relative to the others. That’s how European banking dynasties have always kept it in the black. And they’re Knights Exemplars of business ethics, for fuck’s sake.

The lessons of Hephaestus (the god of metals) are thus clear: understand the price of money, and buy and sell money. Buy money with money, it’s solid investment advice!

As you may remember from the last time (or the last piece; really, the last timepiece, the real Holder of Value, the real Keeper of Records, the real Signifier of Honor), it is a most pressing issue in today’s economy as to whether moneys and currencies derive their value from nature or from nurture.

Answering this question will be the key to discovery as to which forms of currency and money are based on power, violence, and intimidation.

I believe that a lunar currency will ultimately prove a more durable store of value, but that’s beside the point. This is not Sinfowars, neither is it No-Spin-Zone-Fo-Wars; this is pure competitive currency, the realm of numismatic pataphilosophy to which we must all eventually surrender.

But surrender we must to the subconscious realm of pure speculation. For ours is an economy based on faith, speculation, game, grime, gift, grift, and gank. That is, especially, speculation in land; this is why Geonomics must be synthesized with Geomancy.

Putting stock in your beliefs means investing in your beliefs.

If (for example) a hob-goblin who practices hoodoo tells you-doo that two-two is gonna win you the craps game, don’t think of it in terms of a cost-benefit analysis, or as a matter of wise or unwise investments. It’s all in the risk.

Use the hob-goblin as an avatar of Mammon, and use numerology to deconstruct the number 22 into its relevant values and meanings. If the angels are in the cards, play the goblin. If not, justify things according to your caprice; just let it ride.

The fundamental theorems of welfare economics tell us that one of the conditions for totally free markets (that is, perfect competition and fully interconnected markets) entails total freedom to bet on future states of affairs, as long as the bets are backed up 100% by existing assets.

So an economy based on gambling (in addition to game) is still potentially in the cards.

As Emperor Ryan taught us, “Don’t bet the house, be the house.”

Lord Petyr, too, taught that you must be willing to risk everything you have for everything you want. This is why we must gamble our lives away, for a chance at money, a chance at fame, a chance at immortality, a chance at our 15 minutes in the bacon grease. There Are No Masters Through Meyers.

And Greg, may he rest in peace, imparted that, essentially: bubbles, and volatility in markets and of currencies, affect only those who invest in them. This is why booze, strippers, and craps make for promising short-term fiduciary stratagema.

In the long term, invest in death. For an underdog, long-shot, or short-sell, buy immortality.

But this eclipses the wider point: Why use USD – a national currency covered in stripper sweat, trace amounts of feces and human skin, and toxic chemicals – when you could use a currency made of human skin? I’m not talking about soylent leather-cheques, those are so last recession season. I’m talkin’ about good old Uncle Charlie Manskin, you Prudent investors.

Hookers and blow, too, are recession-proof (and certainly depression-proof). This is what Greg has taught us, Put a Bird Upon Him (pbuh). That’s why you should hedge your bets with bush. Additionally, spending other people’s money counts as short selling.

But yea, you can vote yourself richer; by voting with your wallet, while you vote with your feet, as long as you pull yourself up by your bootstraps, hold on to your immigration papers, and bereave in yourself!

George said the only thing that makes him not a Pope is that billions of people don’t think he is. Likewise, David taught that the Pope could walk into a casino, call the wrong number at craps, and still walk away with billions of dollars, claiming infallibility.

This much we know to be true. But where do we go from here, knowing that money is the root of all evil, and that it’s impossible to serve two gods?

We must demand either a lunar-time-backed currency, or else at least a lunar calendar, as a compromise with the lunatic proles fringe.

I mean, literally (and I mean the word “literally” literally) billions of people know that time and money have a certain level of equivalence with one another. Almost as many believe, rightly, that there are 383 ½ days, divided into 13 months, in a year.

But few understand that – while the solar system is a clock that works off of a 64-multiplying-fractal-/-cyclical-linear historiological-astrological-symbolic repetition pattern, going backward from the Singularity point in the morning of December 21^st, 2012, at the cusp of the Piscean and Aquarian Ages – the Moon plays a demiurgic role in calibrating the ticking-and-talking of the Universe. And this is not just McKenna’s clockwork gnomes talking, this is some straight-up Anaxagoras shit.

How do you make money? Four words: “Distrust but independently verify”. But the question remains: how do you (the reader) gamble in a casino that doesn’t accept moon-based currencies, communion wafers, tokens that aren’t completely useless as fetishes, or Manskin? There’s no use beating around the hedge fund, I’ll spare you the buckskin euphemism.

The Cosmic Clock Theory allows us to foresee the mass use of TimeIsMoney @s a currency. The Cincinnati Time Store, and “labor-hour” currencies (such as MountainHours), all demonstrate that time is a source of value which can viably back currency. This is especially so when we consider the Holographic Universe Theory’s notion that black holes may store information.

That’s why keeping up on your historiological astrological symbolism will help make sure you’ll be In The Mooney®, and stay there.

The monetary policy on which we have set a course is one anchored in a solid foundation of hoodoo microeconomics, voodoo macroeconomics, and Moonie world trade theory. It is a sound, freeing, open-source theory, backed by standardized units of human bread.

As Rosa suggested: no bread, no man, no work. If we do not eat (“eat”, not “work”, nor “spend”), we die. Work is but an opportunistic middleman, for Hannah also said that work is distinct from action and labor. We work to earn money that we would otherwise not have to spend, if we did not “need” all the things that those who work us require of us.

Remember, need is distinct from want. Satisfaction of base needs is necessary to sustain the adequate bodily health needed to support hard work, and no employer ever compensated a new hire to the tune of the value of all the things he had to buy in order to get his shit together well enough to go about applying for a job.

A monetary policy that takes none of this into consideration will rightly suffer from a battery of attacks, and wither and die. This is why our currency must be alive.

That is what is meant by Human Bread. It is the Doe that brings us back to Dough.

You must choose a currency (or a money, or none); I cannot choose it for you. But I recommend that you choose a currency that is current; its circulation must flow freely. Volatility is a quality of water; it is not solely a state of turmoil. That’s what the spend-o-crats at Fox Business won’t tell you (F=6 O=60 X=600). You know sometimes words have two meanings.

So, you see, finance is all about water. What makes up 70% of our bodies? Water. We’re literally made of money! And what controls the tides? The Moon. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you!

Stay away from currencies that won’t give you the time of day. If your currency doesn’t keep current, you’re gonna have such a bad time that you won’t even know what time it is. But using a living currency helps prevent your choice in currency from going stale.

Read your handprints and follow the Economicon: Worship no dead moneys. Use not currencies of the past; currencies that do not keep current know no lunar calendar, know no compromise.

It then follows that human time – especially time expending effort and work (and especially especially effort and work watching and moonitoring the Moon) – is a source of time-money-Moon-value. It is this theory of (e)valuation which alone may knock the Power Theory of Value off its orbit and into relative retrograde.

Don’t be fooled, Moon Money Israel. Talk of objective and intrinsic value balks - Fairuza balks - saunters into a crevice, and yields at the majesty of the Will of each splendid Unique. Your Jewels are the most precious to you, they cannot be reduced to mere numbers.

The Neoliberals who endorse this foodoo (false hoodoo) would not bear the thorns of haggling in terms of pieces of silver, or communion wafers (or, for that matter, Nilla Wafers, as long as they’re properly ordained). I mean, does Andy Warhol have no say in this whatsoever?

If the Body of Christ could be traded around like that 2,000 years ago, then why can’t today’s money-changers get in on such a fortuitous investment opportunity? Corporate welfare whores, get in on this action. Act now: kill the Church, and scrap it for parts to sell! Go dig your graves, then fill your mouth with all the money you will save!

So, then, what is meant by a truly living currency of Human Manna (i.e., Humana)? Should we suffer anything less than a currency whose value is inversely proportionate to the human suffering which caused it, expressed in easily divisible economic units as quantities of blood, sweat, and tears?

            Do we own ourselves, and our toil? What is the value of a pound of flesh, expressed in GBP? Most importantly, are the medical professionals who conduct our pre-employment piss-tests making money selling our urine, hair, cheek swabs, and other pieces of us that harbor DNA?

            Take solace, for questions are meant to be answered.

Written on August 14th, 2017

Edited on September 14th, 2017,
and January 17th and May 11th, 2018

Investment Advice for Lunatics: Using Sigil Magick to Risk Nothing for Everything

      The investment advice of the Pharaohs is true after all. This means that you, too, can be a possessed corporate welfare whore; too big to fail, and too tender to touch!

      But heed ye not advice from the so-called “professional witches” of Vice Magazine, and their À-La-Flambuoyant Flirtemptation and flat-out foolery of manner of article purporting that one may simply “use witchcraft to make money”.

      This is merely the washing of a demonic hog; it is not fit for human consumption, and should have never been marketized. Not everything is witchcraft just because Frank sings that it is. The same goes with Stevie and superstition, and Marxy Markets and resources.

      You can have it all. As long as you're willing to risk losing everything you have. If that figure is zero, this article is for you.

      But to get the money, we must understand (that is, obey) where money comes from, and where it gets its value. From its parents? From society? Let's find out.

      You know, the Twelve-Dollar News-Suits^TM on the FOXy-Box tell us that people like physical currency because they like the way it feels. But y'ever feel a dollar bill? It's kinda itchy, isn't it? How are you gonna have a stable currency that's so itchy, people don't want to touch it? Well, here's how to turn your itchy money into Witchy Money.

      Money comes from the moon. Don't believe me? Grab yourself an Oxford English Dictionary. It's an entymological dictionary, so it pins down the meaning of the word the same way you pin an insect down to the specimen collection tray. No wiggle room, no room for all that “living document” bullcrap. You Know What I'm Saying.^TM

      This brings me my first tip for making money is to Trademark^TM Everything^TM You^TM Can.^{TM (TM)} Charge^TM People^TM Mooney^TM for^(R) Talking^TM Like^TM You^TM. Paul Mooney. You wanna know why? The Greeks, man. See the coin-moon on the Drachma. Silver Moon, Golden Sun. Bimetallism, baby. Remember William Jennings Bryan? Well, this is him times Aleister Crowley, to the power of a red panda!

      Don't be a Moonie for Mooney; be a Loonie for Loonies! That's right: this year, it's not Manic Monday, it's Lunacy Lunedí – it's the “Luna-C, Luna-D” to the “A-Tone, B-Tone, See-Tone” which upon Us Allen of Madison Son of Satan imparted - so watch out for owls and crescents.

      Signs and traces of owls and crescents act as virtual tabernacles charged with sigil and seal, and with talismans (talismen?) aplenty, all suitable for ensuring reliable access to alternate neighboring celestial dimensions. It's like a United Nations World Passport, but for ghosts.

      You Heard it Here First^TM; by taking entheogenic hallucinogenic plants, you can send yourself into psycho-shamanic trances, in which you may experience glossolalia, or “speaking in tongues”. Record yourself doing an incantation! Do the Wop Bam Boogaloo.

      Write down the words later, in whatever pre-existing or invented (or summoned) language you please! Go overboard, get all Joseph Smith about it. Make the Shroud of Turin into your own personal waifu pillowcase if you have to, just Do a Goddamn Thing for the Empire!

      The more sigils, seals, talismans, talisman-based shibboleths, and other meaning-based currencies you collect, the more domain names you can come up with. That's why the more symbols you generate through ecstatic ritual glossolalia, and the more pictograms (such as hieroglyphics and emojis) - and cryptograms, codices, and even entirely “new” (i.e., primordial) languages - the better (another tip: Spell things any way you like. Remember, you can't spell “spell” without “spell”!!!).

      Then you just sit back, like a nest-egg on an anthill, and wait for the offers to come rolling in! It's easy as pi, as romantic as Romania!

      I heard you ask that question out loud, and yes, you should turn down opportunities that your conscious mind presents to you to make yourself less crazy (if you didn't ask anything out loud, this article is, once again, not for you).

      If you hear or sense a magickal impulse in the skull-bound spell-room in which your Psyche dwells a tortured prisoner, delve into it immediately, and believe it like your life depends on it. Put it all on 21 red! You are special, you are the ideal, and all patterns and symbols are convening to communicate to You that you alone are one with the gods, and The One to Shepherd the Weak Out of the Valley^TM. Put all your stock in your beliefs.

      This technique – called the Cherishing Technique^TM – allows the magician to extract as much meaning as possible from What Ze Has. In French they say chérie. In Spanish, they say querid@. In Spanish and Italian, it's carin@. In England, “dear” also means “expensive”. What does it mean to you that I'm telling you this? Don't mistake the medium for the message. Learn the language of Lov, the language of the World Wide Web.

      People need websites, don't they? Why wouldn't they need a website named after a nonsense word you came up with after you realized your new phone lets you type more symbols than your old phone? Don't^TM Tell^TM Me^TM The^TM Odds^TM. If You Build It, And Say God Built It, And Told You To Marry All Of Your Followers, They Will Come.

      We must invest multiple meanings into all of the words we use, for our most common words have dozens of meanings, for as Jesca taught us, words are all we have, if not love. This will enable maximum profit for all you Uber-loving millennials' witchcraft professionalization needs, so you can be a successful one-eyed, moneyed warlock who Pays^TM His^TM Goddamn^TM Taxes^TM!

      We can go on believing that the Illuminati-symbol-covered holographic honey-brick food-based currency (combination mutuum cheque) which we use today, is the best way to conduct trade in today's integrated globalizationist economy. But even though our modern currency fulfills all of the functions that make a currency valuable (even more so than the tea-brick or the onion), we must not ignore the value of a human being.

      And that is why I suggest investing in currencies backed by human skin.

      The value of the American dollar is backed by the blood, sweat, and tears of the American worker. It's a veritable spirit cooking of wealth in those sweatshops. After all, a “buck” is called a buck because it was named a buck back when a buckskin was worth a dollar (try to say that 999 times fast!). So why not Soylent up the currency?

      It would help restore financial soylency. And besides, that's where I write my blog. How else are you gonna keep that encyclical in circulation, unless you have a real circulatory system behind it? It would sure help us keep current with the fact of what our main export is (i.e., pain), information which has must be considered when establishing economic systems and choosing which currencies to use and invest in.

      So my advice: keep a steady stream of currency in your river bank. You can ask the River of Jordan that is Jordan Maxwell What^TM I'm^TM Talking^TM About^TM. Know the secrets of your Berth.

      The main lesson here is that the best way to get What^TM You^TM Have^TM to appreciate in value, is to appreciate it more. Appreciate that Hebrew Typewriter with the Keys^TM Made^TM Out^TM of^TM Dice^TM Carved^TM from^TM Endangered^TM White^TM Rhino^TM Teeth^TM better, by destroying it. I mean make it, name it, cash in on the domain names, and then destroy it.

      Be sure to destroy everything you own (including yourself) – especially if you have two or more of the relevant item – in order to exploit scarcity and make your valuable items invaluable (or else smashed on the floor). Don't forget to salvage the scraps, arrange them meticulously in orders that will only make sense at a certain time, and make new languages out of that.

      Remember the First Rule of Sigil Money: You've^TM Got^TM a^TM Portfolio^TM to Maintain^TM. There Is No Second Rule Of Sigil Money. Just keep in mind that, like fire, schizophrenia can be harmful to those who fail to master it and harness its vast creative and emotional powers of imagination, introspection, and sympathy and empathy.

      Although, as they say (Who's they? Wait, who am I talking to?), a mind is a terrible thing to waste, and nothing is free except your opinion, the human brain may very well become the World Reserve Currency by 2025, so the Yuan better watch out! So hold on to your head like you hold onto the night (or if you're into Zen instead of 80's music, like you hold fast to the pillow).

      Additional ways to grow your wealth by exploiting scarcity include:

      1) Making yourself scarce;

      2) Hiding your magickal items away from your normie half-orc friends; Remember the Folding Rule: Nobody^TM Needs^TM to^TM See^TM That^TM Shit^TM. You haven't even figured out how those clothespins connect to spell angelic messages out of meaningless symbols, what makes you think your guests are going to know how? …Oh right, Crowley's wife in the Pyramid. … anyway, also:

      3) Murdering your döppelganger (as always) to protect against identity theft. Consider doing the same to your shadow, as well as your Jungian Shadow.

      These steps (i.e., magick tricks) will help you increase the value of your ritual items (including your sealskin seals, your talisman chalicements, etc.), while also ironically making you into a more highly valued target for currency-skinning. So hold on to your buckskin; it's all in a day's work for dear Bambi.

      Finally, 1) Take full ownership of yourself; be a precious jewel, a diamond in the rough; 2) Print a bunch of stylized Andy Warhol faces onto sacramental communion wafers with a wafer press, use them as an edible currency (for use in fashionable indulgences), and call it art; 3) Pay Your Goddamn Taxes^TM, and 4) Redeem yourself, not all of your insignificant possessions for money over eBay.

      Or the other thing, whatever floats your Ark. That garbage screw just might be a fetish after all.

      If all else fails, picture your audience as a bunch of empty sacks of money.

      Take advantage. There's no limit to what you have to gain.

$igned,

God Will Increase

      S.P.Q.R.: All capitalized phrases herein not capitalized upon are hereby up-for-grabs for both copyrighting and open access.

Written on July 15th and 16th, 2017